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My girlfriend of 4/12 years cheated and left me for another guy. This has left me very sad and sometimes Im unable to deal with the pain of losing someone I truley cared for. Its hard not having any contact for a month but I feel like this has been my only way of dealing with this. She cheated on me in January and I took her back, she cried and wanted me back in her life. I still didnt fully trust her after that but I wanted to make it work if we could. All of a sudden she meets Mr. Perfect, doesnt tell me for a week and cheats on me with him. She is sleeping with the guy and Im alone. She tells me that she really likes the guy, I said well you just met him. Its a rebound relationship and thats something Im not interested in finding. Its hard to deal with, Im just wondering if anyone else has been through a similiar situation and how long does it take to get over something like this. I called and texted the girl alot every day when we were together, but since the whole ordeal I havent talked to her since she told me she didnt want to be with me. She actually was breaking up with me and he called on the other line and that was the last time I talked to her, what a coward to do things this way. Im glad Im doing No Contact because I dont see how I would be able to function otherwise. I was very serious in the relationship and she was more serious about her job and family, which is a bad situation and left me hurt in the end. To me you should be serious with the person you've been with for 4 1/2 years, Im just glad it ended before we had gotten married because she would have pulled the same thing if she didnt love me enough now she wouldnt have then either. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.
It is VERY hard. It's especially hard to get over something like this because you were very close, and now that you are going through something terrible, your normal support person is not around.
"No contact" is the best plan. If you have other friends or family to talk to, that will help.
The only thing I can tell you is to stay busy. Work, school, new hobbies. Whatever you're into, get REALLY into it to keep your mind from going back to the past.
It can take a while, sometimes months, but it will get better.
I'm so sorry. I don't know if there's much that can be said. I've never cheated on a guy, so I can assure you not all women are like that. Don't let the pain of a failed relationship scare you away from future relationships. I find it so sad when people say they're afraid to get close to anyone because they might get hurt. Life is pain, but also joy. Watch the movie "The Wackness" if you haven't already. Watch The Wackness online - download TheWackness - on 1Channel | LetMeWatchThis
My girlfriend of 4/12 years cheated and left me for another guy. This has left me very sad and sometimes Im unable to deal with the pain of losing someone I truley cared for. Its hard not having any contact for a month but I feel like this has been my only way of dealing with this. She cheated on me in January and I took her back, she cried and wanted me back in her life. I still didnt fully trust her after that but I wanted to make it work if we could. All of a sudden she meets Mr. Perfect, doesnt tell me for a week and cheats on me with him. She is sleeping with the guy and Im alone. She tells me that she really likes the guy, I said well you just met him. Its a rebound relationship and thats something Im not interested in finding. Its hard to deal with, Im just wondering if anyone else has been through a similiar situation and how long does it take to get over something like this. I called and texted the girl alot every day when we were together, but since the whole ordeal I havent talked to her since she told me she didnt want to be with me. She actually was breaking up with me and he called on the other line and that was the last time I talked to her, what a coward to do things this way. Im glad Im doing No Contact because I dont see how I would be able to function otherwise. I was very serious in the relationship and she was more serious about her job and family, which is a bad situation and left me hurt in the end. To me you should be serious with the person you've been with for 4 1/2 years, Im just glad it ended before we had gotten married because she would have pulled the same thing if she didnt love me enough now she wouldnt have then either. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.
You have been through an emotionally jarring ordeal, And now need time to grieve this loss and no contact is best regardless. She cheated and left you for someone else, And did not even have the decency or respect to tell you face to face according to your post. and I can imagine it's painful. Take some time for yourself, Spend time with friends and family and doing activities you enjoy. Focus on you and yours right now. There are times in life we get jolts that while painful remind us of who we are and what we aspire to be. Avoid negative or destructive outlets like booze (This is dangerous, trust me on this one) and things like that. Not saying not to have a night out with your boys but use your head and don't fall into excess to numb yourself with anything like that. And most importantly here: Move on. Do not take her back, If things don't work out with the other guy and she realizes she made a "mistake." people do make mistakes but this is way beyond. Good luck man!!-D. Scott
Good riddance and I think you are lucky she left you but I feel for your pain and sorrow at the moment. There is no set amount of time it takes to get past something like this. Each individual is different when it comes to how they deal with their grief and loss and anger and pain and all the other emotions that come along with any loss.
The only thing you can do is breath and take one step at a time and let all your emotions out when they hit you and deal with them individually. Don't try and suppress anything but it would be best if you block all access she has to you via email, facebook, cell phones, texting, etc. NO CONTACT at all, clean break now and in the future.
I do wish you the very best of luck now and in your future and I hope you can heal and move on soon.
I've been there, only I was married for close to 10 years (with 2 little girls) before she "dropped the bomb" that she wanted out after finding another guy.
You may be going through a lot of confusing (and sometimes contradictory) emotions right now. Like others have said, take a deep breath, hold your head up, and move on.
Yeah, right. That's not easy, is it?
No, the reality of your situation (like mine) is that she screwed you over. HARD. You need to take some time for yourself, and the easiest way to get through the initial pain is to surround yourself with people who love you. Yes, you'll be facing your pain every day, but supportive people can help more than you know.
I would also suggest a visit or two to a counselor. 4.5 years is a long time, and you may need to talk things through with someone who isn't a close friend or family member. You'll be surprised what you can learn in that setting.
Thank you all for the support you all have been a big help. I have talked to a counseler a couple times already and continue to do so once every couple weeks. It does help, because its an outsider and they can see things from a different perspective. Im keeping with the no contact and thanks for the support on this. The problem Im also having is this is a pretty small town (population about 4000), so theres not alot to get involved in here. I have a decent job here though and wouldnt like to relocate right now, but at the same time Im finding it very difficult keeping myself busy in a small town. Usually just sitting around alone has made me depressed and not having the physical connection with someone is hard to get use to. I dont want a rebound but how do you replace the physical needs? Has anyone else went through something like this in a small town? At least she is not living here, but she may come back and visit her family here from time to time.
The same thing happened to me, just substitute boyfriend for girlfriend, and we'd lived together for five years (I'd also relocated to live with him). He told me that he hadn't been happy for "a long time" (news to me), and wanted to pursue things with a coworker, who coincidentally had just ended her longtime cohabiting relationship as well. So, now, I'm on my own, far from my support network, and dealing with the fact that the life I thought I had for the past five years is gone, and in all likelihood was probably a lie, unbeknownst to me, anyway. I, too, am glad that we didn't get married, didn't have kids, didn't have joint property.
I'm only a couple of months into the process, so take my advice for what it's worth, but I've found the following things to be crucial:
-Not succumbing to idle time to feel sorry for yourself. Some will say that keeping busy is just evading dealing with grief, but I don't agree. You still feel the grief, you just don't let it paralyze you. You work through it. Keep busy and don't fall into patterns of isolating yourself. Keep connections with people who support you emotionally open. Since I am so far from family, this was especially important for me...knowing that I DO have people in my corner, and lots more than I realized.
-Paradoxically, try not to feel like you shouldn't ever feel sad. It's a huge shock, and it's a sudden loss. You go into the same grief mode as any loss...the numbness, the disbelief. Don't wallow in misery, but accept that it's normal to go through the stages of grief and loss. For me, I have to cry it out, then dry my tears and move on. Rinse, repeat.
-Recognize that you may not be grieving the loss of the person, but the loss of the life you thought you had. I know that's it for me. There are many reasons the person himself was not good for me. When I feel grief, it isn't that I want him, specifically, back. I don't. It's just mourning the loss of the way I thought my life was going.
-Definitely move on, and don't consider letting this person back in. It sounds like you've made that mistake before; it's where our stories differ. I have not.
One thing my ex told me while breaking up with me was that he looked at the gift I gave him for our fifth anniversary, which was something handmade and very meaningful. He said he realized at that point, when he saw the gift and the feeling I'd put into creating it that "things meant much more to you than they do to me." To me, that is something you tell someone when you've been out with a couple of times, and you can tell that they're interested and you're not that into them. It's not something you disclose after five years of living together and building a shared life. I'm sorry, but if he was "not that into me," he owed it to me to share that bit of information quite a bit earlier. Talk about a slap in the face. This is one of many things I will always remember about him.
My ex husband cheated on me after 5 1/2 years together. It was devastating. All you can do is keep moving forward and know that it will get better one day at a time. I agree that no contact is best. If she tries to contact you ignore her. Be glad she showed her true colors before you got married.
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