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Old 10-31-2012, 01:46 PM
 
Location: New York
9 posts, read 14,762 times
Reputation: 23

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Hi everyone,

I met this guy at a friend of a friend of a friend's get-together. It was sort of a drunken thing - we kissed within 5 minutes of meeting each other and I really liked him from the beginning. Then throughout the night, we talked and we found out more about each other. He's 35 years old (but looks younger) and is very successful (doctor/medical school professor, fellowship at a top ivy league etc).

I'm a 22-year-old woman, studying engineering. I'm ambitious, currently doing a full-time internship. Age really doesn't matter to me much - I have a lot of friends who are older, and I tend to hang out at places (clubs/bars) where older people hang out. (not that I don't go to college bars/kegger parties with friends my age either) I have a preference for older men and I've dated older men but I've never dated one who was this much older.

He asked me out on a date, and took me to a really nice, fancy, very expensive fine dining restaurant for dinner. I kind of felt like it was a little too much and didn't feel 100% comfortable, as I'm not used to fancy places like this as a college student with student debt. I also felt uncomfortable that he was paying so much, so I told him how I felt and insisted in paying for the drinks later on. After dinner, we went to a bar and I ended up drinking more than I should have and slept with him.

So here's the dilemma. What happens now? I barely even know him and slept with him so early. Does this become a friends with benefits relationship? If not, does he want to date me? I mean real dating - to see if we are a good match for a potential relationship? If he does, why would he want to date me? He's a successful, good-looking man, doctor and all, and I'm just a college student. Or does he just want to sleep with me/have the experience of dating a young woman? What are his intentions?

I'm unsure how I should approach this. I can't do an ongoing, casual, fwb-type relationship. I've learned from past experiences, and I know I will eventually get attached. Sex just can't be casual to me. That's why I feel like sleeping with him so early was a mistake - I have no commitment from him but still slept with him. In all honesty, I don't want to sleep with him anymore unless I'm in a relationship with him. Do you think I can tell him the truth and that I want to lay off sex until we get to know each other better? How do I say it in a way that won't shut him down too much? I want him to know I enjoy sex and enjoyed it with him too.

Thank you in advance.
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:48 PM
 
Location: NW San Antonio
2,896 posts, read 8,348,763 times
Reputation: 3089
22 and 35? It will only go somewhere if you want it to. If you're not ready for sex??? Dont do it...
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,621 posts, read 11,170,823 times
Reputation: 6590
You slept with him on the first date? Woman you need to control yourself.
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:52 PM
 
Location: New York
9 posts, read 14,762 times
Reputation: 23
I know I shouldn't have. It was a mistake. But what's been done is done
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: In The Thin Air
11,202 posts, read 7,228,641 times
Reputation: 8012
I hope he didn't take any pictures of your hoo-ha without you knowing it.
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,053 posts, read 3,426,702 times
Reputation: 2475
I'm in my 20s and have engaged in a lot of relationships with men 13-18 years my senior. Expect the worst, pray for the best if you really like him.

I used to be dazzled on by men taking me to the finest restaurants in the city, trips to AC, etc...buying me clothes/lingerie, paying for things, until I realized financial investment isn't the same as emotional investment.

A lot of older men just like younger girls, period. They get off on the conquest, even they don't really like the girl or find her terribly attractive.

The older you get and the more men you'll meet you'll start to get wise to this sort of behavior.

I'm 27 now and don't date as much older than I used to. My bf is like only 7 years older than me (contrast to my first relationship, I was 19 and he was 41). i began to realize slowly the bulk of my relationships even if they weren't overtly exploitative they were inherently exploitative. And I wasn't really getting anything out of them.

Hate to sound so negative just telling you the truth. And if you're that kind of relationship minded person with every man you meet you're going to get swallowed up...

Good luck.
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:55 PM
 
13,006 posts, read 12,434,284 times
Reputation: 37241
What do YOU want out of it? Pursue that.

However, I'm a woman who is this guy's age and I'm very suspicious about the emotional maturity and intentions of a guy who pulls out all the stops on a first date. It reeks of a "grand gesture" which is a turnoff. My best dates have been low-key, comfortable meetings in moderately priced establishments where you get to know each other in a natural setting.

THe age difference between you doesn't mean much to me. I know some 22-year-olds that are far more mature than some 40-year-olds.

I do wonder if he didn't intend fully to "dazzle" you just to get you into bed. This could have been a one-off thing for him.

Are you planning to contact him? Have you heard from him?
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,053 posts, read 3,426,702 times
Reputation: 2475
And no matter what people say, age matters.
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:57 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,640 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68376
Quote:
Originally Posted by pathred View Post
Do you think I can tell him the truth and that I want to lay off sex until we get to know each other better? How do I say it in a way that won't shut him down too much?
Yes, you should be honest and tell him you want to dial it back a bit. In so doing, you'll find out if he's interested in dating w/possibility of relationship, or if he's just into FWB, or something else. If he doesn't want to start over again and take it slowly, let him go. Next time, don't go for the extra drinks after dinner; decline politely. Again, if he doesn't like that, he can find someone who does. Are you up for a guy who's into drugging his dates so he can get sex? How he reacts to your parameters will show you what kind of guy he is.
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:59 PM
 
128 posts, read 276,544 times
Reputation: 84
I think you should just take it as a good time, theres no way it will work out you're in a way different point in your life than that guy is, plus if he slept with you right away thats all he wanted.
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