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I met a girl on Ok Cupid for lunch today. She didn't have too much written on her profile, and her texts seemed bitchy, so I was skeptical of how it would go. We met for lunch inbetween work, and it turns out she is REALLY cool. Has traveled all over the world, dresses well, 27, working on her masters, voting for Gary Johnson etc. Very unique.
We start sharing stories of bad dates, and she tells me this:
"So I was over at this guys house for a first date. We were playing mario kart, and drinking, and after 2 beers, I was feeling...frisky. (at this point I said "it only takes 2 drinks, huh? lulz" and she laughed). So he went down on me, and it was great. But, you know, if a guy is going to go that far on a first or second date, I think lesser of him." "Isn't that a bit hypocritical of you?" - I asked. "Yes, it is, and I know that. But its just how I feel" -her. She continues, "and then after I left he would NOT stop texting me. Sending me paragraphs about how I'm good for him, and he's good for me, and how we'd be great in bed. He thought that since I let him go down on me, that the next step would be sex, and that's just not how I do things"
Why in the world would she say this?
I haven't read every post on here, so I don't know if anyone has pointed out that in this sweet little story, there are many, many clues to her lack of good judgment.
Notice that she said that she was on her FIRST DATE with this guy. On the FIRST DATE (ie, neither knows the other very well) she decides it's a good idea to go over to his house and drink.
She gets frisky after two beers? I would bet she had more than two beers. But hey, I'm a natural born skeptic.
She proceeds to get nekkid with a stranger.
She proceeds to judge him, but not apply the same standards to herself.
Apparently she didn't return the favor either! So not only is she hypocritical, she's selfish sexually.
She assumes that all he wants after their little episode is sex, when the reality is that he was very communicative with her about emotional issues - not just sex. So she's also obtuse about the emotional needs or desires of others.
Then she thinks it's appropriate to share all this with you - another stranger.
DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200. In other words, get as far away from her as possible, unless all you're wanting is one sided sex with a *****.
She is trying to let you know that once a man "goes down" on her and experiences the amazing pheromones and eternal life giving secretions of her magical orafice that they are instantly trapped under her spell and want more. And that is just the beginning. She probably has not mentioned yet that she weaves silk from it to make clothes for homeless children in third world countries.
Real classy. . . . hanging out, playing Mario Kart, drinking beers and she let him go down on her.
Are you related to the woman in the OP???? TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
(Just kidding - I know what you mean. But damn - people will say just about anything these days.)
By the way, did I mention what happened the other day when I took a double dose of Ex Lax due to my extreme constipation while traveling? Let me tell you all about it...
Are you related to the woman in the OP???? TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
(Just kidding - I know what you mean. But damn - people will say just about anything these days.)
By the way, did I mention what happened the other day when I took a double dose of Ex Lax due to my extreme constipation while traveling? Let me tell you all about it...
LOL Yes, I have to say the OP's lunch date was quite..ummm...o-p-e-n....about herself. At least for a tongue
I met a girl on Ok Cupid for lunch today. She didn't have too much written on her profile, and her texts seemed bitchy, so I was skeptical of how it would go. We met for lunch inbetween work, and it turns out she is REALLY cool. Has traveled all over the world, dresses well, 27, working on her masters, voting for Gary Johnson etc. Very unique.
We start sharing stories of bad dates, and she tells me this:
"So I was over at this guys house for a first date. We were playing mario kart, and drinking, and after 2 beers, I was feeling...frisky. (at this point I said "it only takes 2 drinks, huh? lulz" and she laughed). So he went down on me, and it was great. But, you know, if a guy is going to go that far on a first or second date, I think lesser of him." "Isn't that a bit hypocritical of you?" - I asked. "Yes, it is, and I know that. But its just how I feel" -her. She continues, "and then after I left he would NOT stop texting me. Sending me paragraphs about how I'm good for him, and he's good for me, and how we'd be great in bed. He thought that since I let him go down on me, that the next step would be sex, and that's just not how I do things"
Why in the world would she say this?
Based on your description of the events, there are two potential explanations that I think may be taking place. Mind you, it could be a combination of both.
Potential Explanation #1
She strikes me as an impulsive being, and that's a completely normal feeling to have. However, she's sharing this story with you in an attempt to draw boundaries, set expectations, and help the both of you better navigate through this newly budding relationship.
In other words, she's letting you know that she's anything but prude, and that if you want the new relationship to go anywhere beyond the basic human desire for sex, you'll think twice about it. I actually appreciate her blunt-ness since sex is such a taboo topic in our society, let alone on the first date.
Also, it looks like she doesn't want super clingy based on the phrase about how that one guy wouldn't stop texting her.
Potential Explanation #2
I met my own current girlfriend through OkCupid (3+ years running!), and in sharing stories about our separate online dating experiences, I've learned that women will often "test" men in order to gauge reactions and weed out "players." Heck, this rule applies to non-online-dating scenarios and even after you've been dating/married!
In all seriousness, here are a couple hypothetical observations as to why I think this may be the case:
Her text message tone was described as "bitchy." It sounds like her defenses are up and/or she's occupied with texting a few men that show potential. In either case, she doesn't want to fully commit energy into those that'll turn into a waste of time.
She kept her OkCupid profile to be very vague and non-descript. This can be interpreted as having defenses up, especially if she's truly a worldly and classy person (as you've described).
Again, she wanted to gauge your reaction and see if she could sense that sex is your top/only priority. Many men will "light up" and reveal their true intentions.
Yes, it sounds like a form of manipulative entrapment, but my girlfriend has mentioned that she received SO MANY nasty, crude and unwelcoming messages on OkCupid that you can't help but have your defenses up. She's also encountered many clingy/insecure men, again, undesirable qualities that the woman wants to naturally avoid.
Also, I would be careful as to exactly how impulsive she can be. If she "feels good" about you now, I hope that she doesn't ditch you if she starts to "feel good" about somebody else, or acts on impulsive urges about somebody else. I know someone who acts very impulsively like that, and it's a defense mechanism from becoming too committed out of fear/insecurity.
Bottom line is that you have to approach online dating (or dating in general) as if it were a poker/chess game and try to predict what the other person's motives are.
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