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It might be time to take break from dating, but no, don't "retire" from it altogether.
I get a lot of anxiety coming through your post (mixed with frustration) and you may want to resolve that before dating again.
"Laying down the law" (telling a date no touching, sex etc.) throws cold water on a budding relationship. People in general don't like to hear limits stated so instead of verbalizing them, make them known by your actions. It takes a little time for chemistry to form sometimes so maybe lighten up on yourself a bit while it forms - if it doesn't so be it.
You come across as a high energy, bright individual (would it be fair to say you are a Type "A" personality?) and fairly intense. Of course maybe you are just venting! Intensity can be misinterpreted as controlling very easily so just check your emotional level as you go.
As you have found out, a lot of guys are just interested in test drives - you see that, move on, there's lots more.
As for the guy that flaked out on the horse ride my guess is he was afraid of embarassing himself. Sounds like you know your way around a horse and if he doesn't, it just may have gotten the better of him.
As for why your ex wouldn't refer to you as his girlfriend; I guess he thought he didn't have to for whatever reason. That doesn't mean no one ever will, this guy just thought he could dog it.
To me, it's important to acknowledge when a couple is a couple. Some people just have trouble with that as they start to feel trapped by that instead of reassured. Better to find out their feelings before investing more time and emotion in a relationship that isn't working.
Relax a bit and look back at your former relationship and see if you recognize the signs that told you it wasn't working. Not the obvious blow up stuff but try to pin down why he didn't feel like you were his girlfriend. I believe if he thought you were, he would say it. Something in the relationship told him it was more casual than being a true hooked up couple.
Nothing will be resolved overnight so try to enjoy yourself by whatever spoils you a little, you more than deserve it!
It seems like it always comes when you're not looking. I know that sounds cliche', but it's true. The differnece between you and I was that I wasn't looking. Sometimes people try to hard and that shows. It comes off as looking desperate. See, when I was hurt, I had a fck you to the world of women attitude and for some odd reason, women know when you could care less and for some odd reason that probably made me more attractive. It's one of those things in life that really are a mystery. You would think it would be the oppossite, but it's not. I think it comes down to people want a bit of a challenge. Anything that's too easy gets taken for granted. I think you know what I mean. Work more on being happy without a guy and it will show. When that happens, there is a good chance that you'll have to beat them off with a stick.
Good luck.
A very good friend of mine once told me the exact same thing.
So I tried it.But it felt like I was just fooling myself and everyone.
Because at that point I didn't really give up.I pretended to.Which, I guess, just made me seem even more desperate.
But, as I wrote in my 1st post I've decided to "retire".
I really did start trying to focus on getting things straight with my job (planning to quit 'cause it makes me miserable), getting a new one, going to the gym more often, cooking a little (even though it's no fun just cooking for myself) and you know...focusing on all other things in life, instead of focusing on the fact I'm single and miserable and I hate it and I really want to throw something heavy in the face of the happy couples I see on the street...
There was a really long time when I literally didn't think there was anything else to life than guys.
And not having someone to cuddle with seemed like the end of the world.
Completely forgot that I have SOOOO many other things in my life and that even if I'm alone and even if I hate happy couples ( ;p ) there are OTHER things to life!!!
Guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself, huh?
Thanks.Really.You made me feel a little better.And made me stick to my decision.So thanks.
I think maybe it's a little bit of both. I've dated a series of guys lately that weren't willing to commit to a relationship. I always felt like I got whatever time they had left over and it shouldn't be that way. You sound like me - I always try to give guys the benefit of the doubt and not rush the relationship, but sometimes I hold onto guys that aren't worth holding on to. I think you have to demand better treatment and when a guy doesn't want what you want let him go and move on.
25 is really still quite young. I know when I (now 30-something female) was in my early 20s I did not want to settle down.
In my experience, if you keep seeing the same cycle repeated it generally has something to do with your approach or the kind of guys you are approaching more than the general population of men. Sometimes after a first date things just don't click, and thats OK to.
Maybe ask your close friends if you are giving off certain vibes. when you go on dates are you trying to get to know they guy? Or are you making lots of sexual banter or trying to hard or going into the date thinking oh, this guy will be my BF. I am not saying you do these things, but just throwing out some examples. If you know someone who can tell you honestly and you are willing to listen and not get upset, it can help you see things from an outsiders perspective.
A very good friend of mine once told me the exact same thing.
So I tried it.But it felt like I was just fooling myself and everyone.
Because at that point I didn't really give up.I pretended to.Which, I guess, just made me seem even more desperate.
But, as I wrote in my 1st post I've decided to "retire".
I really did start trying to focus on getting things straight with my job (planning to quit 'cause it makes me miserable), getting a new one, going to the gym more often, cooking a little (even though it's no fun just cooking for myself) and you know...focusing on all other things in life, instead of focusing on the fact I'm single and miserable and I hate it and I really want to throw something heavy in the face of the happy couples I see on the street...
There was a really long time when I literally didn't think there was anything else to life than guys.
And not having someone to cuddle with seemed like the end of the world.
Completely forgot that I have SOOOO many other things in my life and that even if I'm alone and even if I hate happy couples ( ;p ) there are OTHER things to life!!!
Guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself, huh?
Thanks.Really.You made me feel a little better.And made me stick to my decision.So thanks.
I'm glad it helped. And I do hope things work out for you. Most guys would love a women who wants to cook for them. You seem like a catch. You seem like the type of girl that many guys should want. Don't lower your standards. Stick to your guns and it will happen, probably when you least expect it. Good luck and keep your head up. It's not you, remember that.
What you're trying to say is, there's no hope, and give up?
No, I am saying that true "keepers" are really really rare. And he isn't at a bar looking for you. You will most likely find him, and he is ushering at church or coaching little league.
"Laying down the law" (telling a date no touching, sex etc.) throws cold water on a budding relationship. People in general don't like to hear limits stated so instead of verbalizing them, make them known by your actions.
Just to make it clear, I didn't tell my dates "no sex" out of blue.I said it when they already tried to make the move on the FIRST DATE.(I think that the time when a guy is kissing your neck and reaching down is a pretty good time to say "stop, I'm not gonna sleep with you on 1st date".)Sounds cold, I agree.But what other option I had?
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It takes a little time for chemistry to form sometimes so maybe lighten up on yourself a bit while it forms - if it doesn't so be it.
The problem is, usually (sorry, always ) the guys way of forming chemistry is by getting in my pants.
That's the problem, most of them don't give me the time of day to get to know ME.As opposed to my body.
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You come across as a high energy, bright individual (would it be fair to say you are a Type "A" personality?) and fairly intense.
100% correct.
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As you have found out, a lot of guys are just interested in test drives - you see that, move on, there's lots more.
My problem is that it's not so easy to just "move on".With every guy that I date I just get more and more frustrated and more and more convinced that there really are no good men left!!!
That they ALL want just the test drive.
With every guy, they're just proving my point all over again.
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As for the guy that flaked out on the horse ride my guess is he was afraid of embarassing himself. Sounds like you know your way around a horse and if he doesn't, it just may have gotten the better of him.
Or, he freaked out 'cause I made a "plan"
Guess I'll never know.
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try to pin down why he didn't feel like you were his girlfriend. I believe if he thought you were, he would say it. Something in the relationship told him it was more casual than being a true hooked up couple.
Nothing will be resolved overnight so try to enjoy yourself by whatever spoils you a little, you more than deserve it!
That's a problem.Because however I try to think about it, I just don't get it.
I can't help but be mad, like, I'm good enough to sleep with, but I'm not good enough to be introduced as his GF?!
And he used to take me out places (in the beginning), he did introduce me to his family.(no title though.Just as "this is ellie".)In the beginning I really thought I was his GF even though we've never discussed it.
Just after I realized he never hugged/kissed/held hands with me in public and openly denied every time someone asked if we're together, and of course, he still tried to sleep with me on every occasion possible, then I understood he never did want me as his GF.I still can't understand WHY.What did I do wrong, what was not enough in me for him to want me as his gf...but was enough to want to hang out and to sleep with me.I really just don't get it.
As I said in a thread I made a few weeks ago, men commit very quickly to women they really like and or see as a catch. They only take long on women they deem mediocre or expendable
Every GF I've ever had(except my first) we became exclusive in 3 weeks or less
^^^^^ this. It has nothing to do with "cowardly" men. Men know when they've meet the woman they want to marry, until then they will continue to play the field or string along a women until something better comes along.
Not exactly
I wrote "in my 25 years" meaning :I'm 25.
And the number 55 is in my name only because 5 is my lucky number so I add it pretty much everywhere and "ellie5" was not available.
You say "The single women outnumber single men. Men have figured this out" what changed?!
What changed from the time my parents&grandparents got married?
How come back then men WEREN'T afraid to commit?
How come back then they had no problem marrying a girl who was a virgin, with sex not even being mentioned before marriage?
Another thing I have to mention is that NONE of the men I went out with has ever been married.(which is normal for today's men not to be married till they're in their 30's).And widowed or divorced will not be an option for me.(though I realize you only wrote that because you assumed I'm 55.)
Feminism happened.
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