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The problem with most mistresses is that they generally don't know how to keep quiet and play their position.
Is that the fear cheaters have these days? Hahahaha! That's funny. I guess that's why some look to have an affair with a married woman who also doesn't want to leave her husband. Works out for both.
First of all, given the example of marriage you had while growing up, I don't blame you for your negative feelings toward the institution. Please know that there are terrific marriages out there - marriages of equals, filled with mutual respect, tenderness, trust - and monogamy. I'm sorry you didn't have such a marriage as a model when you were growing up.
Also - it's very possible for women to be dedicated to their home and their children, but also "take a lover on the side," - that is, if she feels that she's in a relationship which allows her to do so. Your comment that they DIDN'T because they were so dedicated to their homes and children tells me that they would have risked losing these elements in their lives if they had chosen to live as their husbands lived.
I know it's possible to have both things. But if you combine their dedication with the fact they are religious, I think it's highly unlikely. My mother certainly couldn't have had affairs at the same rate my father had, though, otherwise my brother and I would be alone in the world. I have no memories of my father until I was 10 or 12.
Besides, due to his profession, my father always had the perfect excuse to "work until late". But he has calmed down a lot lately, I suppose because of his grandsons. Truth be told, he's a cool grandfather.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Sorry, but this is not what happens in your family. You assume that the men have mistresses but the women are monogamous and religious.
Not the same scenario at all.
I don't assume that. I've just said my father brough us to meet some of his mistresses when we were in our teens. I even remember seeing him one day getting out of an hotel with a girl in her 20s and he even waved to me when we saw each other. He didn't even try to conceal it.
Of course I have no way to know if my mother was monogomous. If she wasn't, well, I'm happy for her. And I don't assume she's religious, she really is.
I know it's possible to have both things. But if you combine their dedication with the fact they are religious, I think it's highly unlikely. My mother certainly couldn't have had affairs at the same rate my father had, though, otherwise my brother and I would be alone in the world. I have no memories of my father until I was 10 or 12.
Besides, due to his profession, my father always had the perfect excuse to "work until late".
I don't assume that. I've just said my father brough us to meet some of his mistresses when we were in our teens. I even remember seeing him one day getting out of an hotel with a girl in her 20s and he even waved to me when we saw each other. He didn't even try to conceal it.
Of course I have no way to know if my mother was monogomous. If she wasn't, well, I'm happy for her. And I don't assume she's religious, she really is.
You've completely missed my points.
You assume that:
1. Your mom's OK with this (but then later you talk about how often she cried when she was young).
2. Your mom is monogamous out of virtue or because she's religious (but then you later say that she probably was monogamous because she didn't want to lose her home or children - BIG difference).
Why do the men in your family marry religious women if they themselves are atheists?
It sort of happens, it's not on purpose. Atheist usually care more for the person and less about the religion. Besides, my mother isn't a fanatic and doesn't sell her religion to anyone.
It sort of happens, it's not on purpose. Atheist usually care more for the person and less about the religion. Besides, my mother isn't a fanatic and doesn't sell her religion to anyone.
I wonder if they prefer religious women because they think religious wives are less likely to have affairs, and more likely to take their marriage vows so seriously that they won't leave their unfaithful husbands.
I think you are right, I think the mistress does have it better than the wife often, BUT the mistress has to live with herself everyday knowing the is involved not only with a married man, but a newly married man. Bad karma.
I was the 'mistress' (I hate that word, prefer lover) for a while many years ago. I was treated like a queen!!! I begged him not to leave his wife. I felt terrible because I wanted just to have fun and I did not really how truly miserable he really was. Leave this alone! Everyone can get hurt in the end. However I didn't feel guilty or dirty being with a married man just guilty that I broke his heart and confused him for a long time.
1. Your mom's OK with this (but then later you talk about how often she cried when she was young).
2. Your mom is monogamous out of virtue or because she's religious (but then you later say that she probably was monogamous because she didn't want to lose her home or children - BIG difference).
1. I suppose she's OK with it now because there's no reason for her to stay. It doesn't mean she didn't suffer in the early years when she found out.
2. Why can't it be a combination of several reasons? Yes, she's religious, she's the kind of person that put the well being of everybody above her own and she probably didn't have much of a chance financially on her own.
I wonder if they prefer religious women because they think religious wives are less likely to have affairs, and more likely to take their marriage vows so seriously that they won't leave their unfaithful husbands.
I don't think that's the reason. Especially nowadays, where there's no reason for people to get married unless they really want to. Besides, I want to believe my parents liked each other one day, at least for a minute. Just to believe everything in my family isn't bad.
1. I suppose she's OK with it now because there's no reason for her to stay. It doesn't mean she didn't suffer in the early years when she found out.
2. Why can't it be a combination of several reasons? Yes, she's religious, she's the kind of person that put the well being of everybody above her own and she probably didn't have much of a chance financially on her own.
I'm sure it IS a combination of several reasons - all rather unsavory. Sorry, but that's how I see it. The men in your family seem to take advantage of the women in their lives and just assume that they need to take it if they don't want to lose their home, children, and income.
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) for a while many years ago. I was treated like a queen!!! 
