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This isnt directed at the OP but i dont get the women that go out to bars and then complain about the guys there only looking for sex. I dont think they realize that the majority of guys go to bars/club to get laid, not to find a relationship. If a girl wants to protect herself she'll withhold sex at least until she's determined the integrity of the guy.
For the record, my tale takes place in a restaurant. He invited me to sit with him at the bar of this restaurant to chat when I was finished, so I did so.
This isnt directed at the OP but i dont get the women that go out to bars and then complain about the guys there only looking for sex. I dont think they realize that the majority of guys go to bars/club to get laid, not to find a relationship. If a girl wants to protect herself she'll withhold sex at least until she's determined the integrity of the guy.
And there I thought that guys go to bars for a drink, maybe a bite to eat, to chat to their friends and to watch the game.
People, I've cleaned up the thread and reopened it. Please refrain from personal attacks, bickering and off-topic remarks. Thanks!
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I'm in my early 30s and I get propositioned every once in a while. I don't think it's unusual. I just say no and move along.
I'm generally very easy going and friendly/flirty with people I know. Those signals are misinterpreted all the time. It seems like accepting a friendly invitation for conversation opens you up to all kinds of strange requests. I actually had a guy beg (as in "please, please, please") for a quickie.
And there I thought that guys go to bars for a drink, maybe a bite to eat, to chat to their friends and to watch the game.
Seriously. I have never, read, never gone to pub/bar looking nor expecting to get laid. I go to do exactly what you said. IF I get approached.....cool.
I can't stand it when people say "MOST men/women just want X".
It drives me nuts, because almost everytime, they are refering to the minority of those sexes.
I have been straight up sexually propositioned 3 times within the last 4 days. To give you an idea of how direct these proposals have been, they remind me of what I hear when I am at a hotel bar while on a business trip. This is very demoralizing as I just ended things with someone because he wanted to keep things far more casual than my preference.
The one from yesterday evening is someone I casually know but ran into at a restaurant. He mentioned having seen me on a dating site, and later after lamenting how none of the women he writes to will write him back, asked me straight up if he can go home with me. Yep, these guys don't want to date me. they only want to shag me.
For those who think I must be dressed provocatively - I don't. I get around by bike everywhere, so even if I wanted to dress like I'm promiscuous I couldn't. I was out on my bike for several hours, and this being November I was dressed to be outside.
I am not a 20-something hottie, I am 42 years old. Is this pretty much all I can expect now? Guys wanting to bang me and nothing more? I don't understand what is going on here.
You're complaining too much.
In 20 years you'll be desperate for a proposition.
I'm in my early 30s and I get propositioned every once in a while. I don't think it's unusual. I just say no and move along.
I'm generally very easy going and friendly/flirty with people I know. Those signals are misinterpreted all the time. It seems like accepting a friendly invitation for conversation opens you up to all kinds of strange requests. I actually had a guy beg (as in "please, please, please") for a quickie.
Patience is a virtue in the dating game.
Thanks for the post, good point! After realizing I will shut down the world around me quite easily, I started making a point of not doing that. I am nice and receptive of all men who approach me in a friendly manner, whether I am attracted or not. Perhaps I seem too friendly as you suggest here.
Ridiculous post. Mod cut: gross generalization; gender bashing. I would be thankful if they were trying to date me; wanting to F me isn't anything to be thankful for, becausegross generalization.
My ego got nothing from this, because last Monday I broke up with someone because he doesn't want to be serious with me. He loves the sex and companionship but would not integrate me into his life any more fully. I dumped him thinking I can do better, and within one week, three times I have been told that I can't. This is a boost to my ego? Please.
I made a post about this because I don't get it.
c'mon now, this is just as bad (and hilarious) as threads where people complain about online dating and not "getting it". If you didn't know the deal, and the gist really flew over your head I'm certain this post wouldn't exist. This post is attention w***ing at its finest, get a little validation and then complain about it. When you really read the post it has more to do with not being propositioned by the guys you want. If dudes came up to you and kicked weak/lame game of course they would be turned down, that's what happens with a weak sales pitch.
To be honest these guys probably didn't think you were worth the work, and it doesn't say much if you have them orbiting in your social circle.
Actually, all three men were age appropriate. None were younger than me. The one in my example is 50. I doubt that sex comes that easily for him because from what I learned in our conversation, he is trying to date way outside of his league. I am pretty sure that he considers me a notch below what he deserves, which is probably why he was comfortable in being so bold. And yet I should be flattered...
OngletNYC, I of course cannot speak for all men. But as someone over 42, I can tell you that I am a bit more bold than I was in my younger days. And for the record, I'm not a misogynistic troglodyte or immature man-child like you find here at CD some times.
But I am a man who has reached a point in life where I am confident in knowing what I want. Sometimes that's been a relationship, but other times it's just a roll in the hay. And if I get rejected in seeking what I want, so what? "Plenty of fish in the sea" as the old cliche goes, right? Perhaps at one time I would have taken rejection of a straight-forward proposition personally and thus been a bit more reticent about being so bold. But at this point in life I am confident enough to not let such things set me back.
I also know that women who are no longer in their 20's or early 30's are often (quite foolishly) overlooked by men seeking younger women. A savvy guy will not ignore an attractive woman in her late 30's or 40's. Hot young bodies are fine and all, but it's attitude that matters most. I am also experienced enough to know that while men often just want some fun NSA sex, so do a number of single women too. And there's nothing wrong with that.
So think of your propositions as honest, straightforward attempts by men who found you attractive and who sought to determine if your interests aligned with theirs.
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