Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My girlfriend and I both live on Long Island and we are both 24. We don't live together - she still lives at home while I have my own apartment about 10 minutes away from her. I work in NYC and although I don't hate my job, I do feel the pay is kind of low and the whole 70 minute commute each way is not really how I want to spend my life. Recently I've thought of scenarios where I could live in Massachusetts or Pennsylvania and have a better job - that way I'm not far from my family but I wouldn't be slowly drowning in the Long Island/NYC lifestyle.
My GF, on the other hand, is a certified teacher but can't find a full time job at all. She works a 10/hour tutoring job she absolutely hates and sometimes gets gigs as a substitute teacher. Despite this, she absolutely does not want to leave Long Island because her entire family is here...but we both know how it's impossible to find a teaching job on Long Island and that the competition is way too high these days.
I love her and all, but lately I've been wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. When I was in college, I lived upstate for about a year....I felt more at peace there than Long Island because life felt less like a rat race. But i know if I leave Long Island and find a better job elsewhere, I won't hear the end of it. Then again, with the way things are going right now, Long Island is becoming more expensive with less value added each month. It's not like I'm hell bent on moving, though - my family is here too and moving out of state means I won't get to see my parents' dog as much
This is of course an age old question that I'm sure doesn't have a perfect answer. Has anyone else experienced what I'm thinking? Was kind of torn between posting this here vs the Long Island board, so let me know if you think the LI board is more appropriate. Thanks!
Were talking a couple hours away here right? Not like half-way across the country. I think its doable and she should be a lot more open to it, especially since she cant find stable work anyways.
How permanent do the two of you view your relationship? How long have you been dating? I dont think people should transplant their lives for a bf or gf unless the goal is permanency.
I wouldn't live in a place I didn't like for someone else. Especially not if I was only 24 and not married to that person. 70 minutes each way is insane! I don't blame you for wanting to live a more laid back life. Especially if you could find a better job with a shorter commute. I live 1500 miles away from my family. It's hard and I miss them, but with cell phones and skype we keep in touch and I go visit whenever I can and they visit me here. You wouldn't even be as far away from them as I am. Plus I think if you stay there for her when you really want to leave you will end up resenting her and the relationship will end anyway.
Do what is right for you and don't worry with her. You are not married, living together and no mention of engaged so move forward with your life and leave her behind. If she moves with you there will be issues because she did not want to move and if you stay where you are there will be issues because you wanted to move somewhere else.
I still would like to get a master's degree while the company will pay for it and then try to get more experience at the job I'm at so I'm more marketable, so this is more of a decision after a few more years rather than just a year, say.
As far as our relationship goes, we've been together 9 months and I can't see it stopping any time soon. She's really in love with me as well and I think we're a good match. I don't know if this is relevant or not, but she DOES have a condition called Lupus which restricts her a bit and gives her more constraints. It makes the relationship a bit tougher because she might even have problems having kids and if she stays on Long Island, she already does have a good network of doctors.
And yes, if i do move, it would only be 4-5 hours a way max. Going home to Long Island would easily be a nice weekend trip.
Do what is right for you and don't worry with her. You are not married, living together and no mention of engaged so move forward with your life and leave her behind. If she moves with you there will be issues because she did not want to move and if you stay where you are there will be issues because you wanted to move somewhere else.
Yup...completely agree!
I'll also say this as a former Long Islander...you could not pay me to move back there, EVER. My family still lives there so we visit them but those trips are few and far between. I really hate being there. We first moved to western NY and then from there headed south to NC. The grass is absolutely greener for me.
As a teacher, jobs are a lot easier to acquire here as well. This area is growing rapidly so there is always a need for teachers. They don't make as much as a Long Island teacher, but the COL here is much, much cheaper.
OP: You've thought of scenarios! So, have I, but I never implemented one until I had a workable plan with a pretty high probability of success, and I never moved cross-country or internationally without a job in hand.
I don't blame her for not wanting to move under the circumstances you suggest.
OP: You've thought of scenarios! So, have I, but I never implemented one until I had a workable plan with a pretty high probability of success, and I never moved cross-country or internationally without a job in hand.
I don't blame her for not wanting to move under the circumstances you suggest.
OP can correct me if I'm wrong. I think he's just looking for her to consider discussing the potential to leave Long Island for other opportunities. I don't get the impression he wants her to ditch everything and blindly move.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
