Same-sex emotional affair? Anyone else?

[PDBIZ]

This is an extremely confusing, complicated and emotionally draining situation for both or even the third party involved (being if an affair does take place).

I speak from my own personal experience. My wife is "Bi-Sexual", although both of us hate to put any label on it. We have been together for 5 yrs. and married for 3. She did express to me that she did have relationships with woman in her past, (when she was in her teens and twenties). Her and I are 43 and 39 yrs old respectively. Before we married she not been in a relationship with a woman for about 10-15 yrs. She had been previously married to an abusive a-hole/alcoholic and suffered much trauma and PTSD from that relationship. After they separated she was in relationships with only men. She may have had some encounters with woman friends, but no relationships.

So, before we actually got married I was aware that she had an attraction to woman, but never once did she indicate to me that she would ever wish to pursue another relationship with a woman. If she had my decision to marry her may very well have been different. Although, being that we are so close and are still truly in love, and are genuine soul mates, we probably would have married anyhow. Our marriage of 3 yrs. and the other 2 yrs we were together before that had been full of extreme situations that ultimately made our bond stronger whereas many people would have walked away. In summary we both were battling depression, I used narcotics to escape, she attempted suicide numerous times to escape. Both of these dysfunctional coping techniques were obviously flawed. However, the one constant throughout all that chaos was each other. As I said we are closer today then ever before. Today we are completely honest with each other, we keep no secrets and communicate in a manner that even our therapist is blown away by (in a good way).

So I don't get to far ahead about 7 months ago my wife came to me and told me she had a psychical affair with a woman. My initial reaction was "I'M DONE" and there was nothing anyone could say or do to change my mind. Before the physical affair, I felt she was emotionally cheating on me already and was getting to the point of confronting her on it. However, our relationship is built upon trust and there is zero controlling of one another. As I said this is an extremely confusing time for both people. I do suggest seeing as many therapist as possible. After she had told me I slept in the guest bedroom and have been there ever since. My next reaction was to simply encourage it, the logic being I can't stop her from doing it if I wanted to so I may as well encourage it to show her how much I truly value her happiness. That is a side of her I can never fulfill, so me fighting her on it did't make any sense. However, I did and still do to a lesser degree that she betrayed our marriage commitment. This is something that is undeniable. However, that does not fix the issue. The simple fact is we love each other unconditionally. Her and I have talked and neither of us could even envision a life with out each other. initially we were not intimate for a month or so. We came to a compromise as married people must do, that we could both see other people if we choose, with some boundaries. My boundary for her is that it only be with woman, and she allows me to see as many woman as I choose. Sounds like I shouldn't complain right? Well, unfortunately, I married her for a reason. That is I didn't have any desire to be with anyone else. So allowing me to see other woman, might be some other guys dream, but its not mine. All I dream of is being with the one I love 100%, with no other person taking any of her heart away from me. That may be selfish of me but I do feel that way. Coming to terms with all this has been extremely difficult. But at the same time our sex life has been better than it had ever been by far. So in essence her affair has brought us closer together just like all of the other hurdles in our relationship.

Currently, my wife is still seeing the same woman, they speak every day on the phone for at the very least 1 hour. She will see the other woman on average 1 weekend out of 3. Besides that our relationship is wonderful. The biggest problem that I'm having now is accepting the fact that the other woman has no idea that we are still intimate, and I see their relationship continuing to progress. However through effective communication and trust I am assured at this point that she is in fact still deeply in love with me, and our physical connection is unrivaled. I am extremely confident that this is true, so I know that no body can satisfy like me in a physical manner (She confessed she can no longer even have an orgasm masturbating now, since I stepped up my way of pleasing her). This is something we joke about, but she is actually kind of mad at me for it. She has never had an orgasm with the other woman, but that's not why she she's her. My wife would rather give than receive in that situation. So, in essence I have her wrapped around my finger if what she's telling me is true. Now we are very honest with each other but I am still leary trusting this all to be true. Again though, at the end of the day I have been with one other woman and was able to have an orgasm the first time, but the next time I saw her after trying twice I could not have one. It seems as though only my wife and I can get each other off and vice versa only.

My last thoughts and concerns, as we age I guess I fear that as we become less sexual that she will be drawn more to woman for companionship than myself. I fear that she and the girlfriend'd relationship and connection is very strong, but the difference today is that I can please my wife and the GF cannot. One the sex becomes less important which it inevitably will, is she then going to leave for the woman all together? Its a new world with new challenges, sexual identity is not what it was but love has not changed and that is all I have to rely upon. Any comments or advice would be appreciated.
PDBIZ