Strange Circumstances of Dating Older Coworker (married, women, love, younger)
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I'm in my mid 20s and I've begun dating my coworker, a mid-40s mother of two. After we got to know one another she quickly took interest in me, Friend requesting me, getting my number, and texting somewhat frequently. Things starting turning romantic as we began hanging out outside of work. Before kissing her, I explained that I find our relationship unusual given the difference in age and place in life (her raising kids, my wanting kids someday). I told her that we can be together, unhinge our temptations, and enjoy one another, but that someday I'll probably want to go back to dating younger women for the prospect of having a family, and she understood. So we made out and ended up having sex that night. We're still seeing one another and even though she seems a little strange (she absolutely adores me, and she Friend requested my mom, whom she's never met--I wasn't too happy and told my mom it was accidental), we have good conversation, I enjoy her affection, and I make her happy.
Aside from her "grabbby", highly affectionate personality, I'm a little uneasy of how things will play out because:
1) Her son has ADHD and acts insane when I'm present. Both of her kids are so clingy to her and disruptive. I've been around them a little, but I much prefer to only spend time with her when we can be alone.
2) If things continue for several months, I'm not sure how I'd feel about having her meet my family. They'd be very confused as to why I'm with this older woman with kids, and Mom would probably be frustrated that I'm not with someone younger that could provide her with grandkids. I'd just rather avoid any of that.
3) I feel like someday I might end up breaking up with her because I'll want to date younger women again, like I told her. I don't know when or how this will play out, but I want to avoid hurting her as much as possible if/when this happens. I wanted her to realize that, although things may change down the road, we might as well just enjoy being with one another right now.
Am I being disrespectful to her with these mixed up feelings? She recognized that it is an unusual relationship and that someday I'll probably want a mate, so at least I clarified that.
Is sex really worth that much to you? Or to put it a different way, what one is willing to put up with get sex often reflects one's lack of other opportunities.
WTF are you doing meeting her kids? It sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen when you break it off with her.
You're not being disrespectful, you're being way too nice. You should have left it as sex only
She won't be mad at you for breaking things off. She will be mad at the situation (that you're ready to move on and start your own family). I say enjoy one another for as long as it lasts. She would feel much worse for trying to hand-cuff you when you've just started your adult life dating experience. I agree with the other poster about meeting the kids. I would avoid anything like that. It's natural to want to do relationship type things with the woman that you have feelings for. In your situation, you have to take into account that you already knew from the beginning that you want kids of your own one day. I, myself, had to end a relationship because of this very same issue. I loved her but if I stayed with her I would have ended up hating her because of what she was unwilling/unable to do for me. She's lived her life, so she will understand that you want to have one of your own. If she can't understand that then she's selfish.
Please, do this woman I huge favor and as gently, kindly, yet swiftly as possible, maneuver away from her before either of you get more emotionally attached. Even though I am an older woman/ married to younger husband, this scenario does not sound promising for the future and will only get more tangled and uncomfortable. Friend requesting your Mother???? Uhm, no.
You both need to be able to meet someone else in order to forge a realistic relationship. Won't happen as long as you two are seeing each other.
Don't do this. Too many negatives. She is too old for you, and you will have emotional issues and lots of drama if it continues and when you try to break up. And you will break up. Sexual interest is usually only of a two year duration....when that's all there is. You already recognize many issues, it is your instincts, listen to them. Be the grown up...quit now. And, if you're having sex, you are in a relationship. Break it off clean, no sex.
Last edited by JanND; 11-08-2012 at 05:37 AM..
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