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Old 11-09-2012, 12:28 AM
 
1,841 posts, read 3,168,365 times
Reputation: 2512

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kat949 View Post
Xactly what I was thinkin'

Seems benign at first. Then the suffocation and possessiveness turned into victim can be realllly

*frazzling
I was stating from first hand experience and you seem to know as well..this type of behavior gets old real fast!
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Old 11-09-2012, 01:44 PM
 
Location: CA
39 posts, read 46,594 times
Reputation: 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by boolouwho View Post
I think the words you are looking for are mature, loyal, honorable, etc.

What age group do you normally go for? I would try to find someone in their late 20's or early 30's. That age group as a whole might have more men ready to settle down.


Yeah, maybe "clingy" is not the right word...
Well every guy I've ever dated was over 25.Youngest one was 26.
And even he was kind of immature...
oldest one was 33...had a stable job at a good company, nice income, a grown man...and yet...didn't stop him from going from one club to another and pick up another girl every night
Of course the older the better/the more serious they are (supposed to be, anyway ), but I think that it depends on the type of person really...you can find a really serious 19 year old (I have a 19 year old guy friend, dated this girl for 3 months, now they're living together *sigh*) or a 33 year old player...


Quote:
Also, another sign that may be good is if he has had long term relationships in the past. This shows that he was ready to commit in the past, and was not just content to drift around.

I have no idea if this is actually true, but maybe a single guy with children might be more serious in the women he spends time with? His kids of course should come first in his life, but I doubt he has a lot of time to see many women (and some women won't date him b/c of his kids). If he's a good dad, he'll refrain from introducing you to his children until he is sure that you two are compatible. Obviously, you should like children for this option and be prepared for their needs to be more important. You'll probably be doing more family friendly activities with him.
Actually had a similar option like that as well...A woman I work with offered to introduce me to her son...He's 29...divorced, with 2 kids, but he doesn't really get to see them much.
I gave it some thought but figured I'd be setting myself up for a heartbreak if I actually meet with him...
I realize what I'm going to say will make me look soooo shallow to the people in this forum but the truth is...
I'm a little scared.I mean, god knows why they got divorced!and...after my last "relationship", I realized I might be the jealous type (though it probably had something to do with the fact that I'm probably gonna be scarred for life...you don't know how it feels to lay beside the guy you love so much, and hear how he gets a call in the middle of the night, from another girl, and he just picks up his stuff, throws some lame excuse and goes off to be with her.)
It breaks my heart to see my guy anywhere near another girl...knowing my guy has KIDS from another woman...That he went through all of the stages already...proposed, got married, had kids...all with another woman...I think it'll be a torture for me.
I get it that people have history...but even if you get a divorce...you can't erase kids.
I know he could of been my soul mate...and he really did seem like a really nice guy...but...I just...couldn't.

I know I have issues...I'm nowhere near perfect...but you have to understand that I've suffered a lot.And it's not easy being repeatedly cheated on by somebody you'd do anything for

Quote:
Someone mentioned online dating, and meeting men who have a profile that projects responsibility. I think that is a great idea. Stable career, living on his own, established hobbies outside of drinking at bars are all positive signs.
I'm not into the whole online dating thing.:/
I think people can write whatever they want in their profile but it doesn't always match reality.
I have a couple of friends who tried it and had a bad experience.(One of them met a guy who sat in jail, then when she tried to get away he was threatening her etc.)
Anyway, I don't really trust dating sites.

Quote:
One other thing....I wouldn't put off the vibe that you yourself are clingy. Develop your own life (if you haven't already) with hobbies and friends. You'll be a more interesting person and would be more attractive as a partner, and not just a friend with benefits.
I do have my own life, but somehow it never attracts anybody good.
Most of the time I'm at work (6 sometimes 7 days a week, in fact) so that doesn't leave much time for hobbies (like, I love horse riding, but I just don't have the time to go to the barn anymore...)
And most people at my work are over 50 so that doesn't leave me too many options

Quote:
EDIT: Do you have a dog? When I lived in Denver I took my dogs to the bark park on weekends and some mornings, and I met quite a few nice guys while our dogs played together. They generally gave off the vibe that they were responsible and able to care for something other than themselves.
Unfortunately no...but I do know that usually guys that own/like pets are good guys (most of my guy friends have pets...) I met some really nice guys back in the days I used to ride...but, again...no time for hobbies no more

Thanks the advice anyway
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Old 11-09-2012, 01:53 PM
 
Location: CA
39 posts, read 46,594 times
Reputation: 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenFL View Post
How to find one? Be yourself and keep your eyes open. Players are bold... Check out some of the quiet, shy type guys and you may be surprised... What they value is quite different than what players value... Let them know that you are easy to approach and talk to... Just because you talk to someone doesn't mean that you have to sleep with them...
That's kinda the impression every guy I've been with gave...like "if she's talking to me, means she's interested, if she's interested, she must want to sleep with me!" (yeah that's f*ucked up )


Quote:
Think of the things that you like to do, and get involved with others of the same interest... Don't be ashamed of what you like. I guarantee that there are others with the same interest and you won't have to worry about phonies!
As I've mentioned I don't have much time for hobbies anymore
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Old 11-09-2012, 02:01 PM
YAZ
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,701 posts, read 14,048,564 times
Reputation: 7038
I can learn to be clingy.

Let's see...

Wash me dirty clothes

Clean me dirty dishes

Wax me car

Take care of me crap

Take care of me mother

Oh.

See that?


ME.


Who in the hell would want that?


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Old 11-09-2012, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Dallas
99 posts, read 167,363 times
Reputation: 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
That's easy. Walk into a comic book store. All these men will look up from their copy of Captain America or Batman and say, "Look! A woman!" Then it will be like Night of the Walking Dead. They won't leave you alone.
As someone who has dated a "nerd" (a hardcore gamer), you definitely do NOT want to go the nerd route. There is a reason most of these men are single, and that's because they are painfully awkward, unable to talk about their feelings, and will usually always love their comic books, video games more than they love you.
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Old 11-09-2012, 02:08 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
Reputation: 62664
I would seriously be careful who/what you wish for, you may just get way more than you really wanted or thought you would get.

PS ~~ I would limit the use of the F word as well, some clingy guys really don't like a woman who curses worse than anyone they know.
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Old 11-09-2012, 02:10 PM
 
Location: CA
39 posts, read 46,594 times
Reputation: 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Info Guy View Post
OP : How are your looks? Only unattractive girls would do that.
You tell me?


I'm not a 10, but I wouldn't call myself "unattractive"...

I know most people think that "attractive people have it so much easier to find someone" but tbh...that's BS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to be taken seriously?
Just like when you're looking for a nice guy they tell you to look for nerds, people less attractive, less rich etc.
Well same thing with women...guys seem to want the quiet,nerdy, unattractive girls for serious relationships, and the slim, good looking athletic ones for ONS, FWB you name it, anything but a serious relationship.
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Old 11-09-2012, 02:18 PM
 
Location: CA
39 posts, read 46,594 times
Reputation: 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by LIS123 View Post
Do you do a lot of the approaching/initiation? That would be a way to get more dates/interactions, instead of limiting your opportunities to those that come to you. Getting the information you want will require getting to know someone before you can decide if they offer the qualities you're seeking.
Unfortunately I'm a lot more shy and quiet in reality than in these Forums
I usually won't approach a guy unless I see clear interest...and even then it would be something more like "can you tell me what time is it?"
I know it's wrong ('cause I seem to attract all the wrong types of guys) but I'm the following type.
And you have NO IDEA how hard it is for example to date someone LIKE ME.
When you both just sit and wait for the other one to make the move...*frustrating*
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Old 11-09-2012, 02:21 PM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
Reputation: 7328
Clinginess is just a turn off for me, no matter who it is. If Salma Hayek herself acted like she had to be around me 24/7 it would eventually get really old for me.
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Old 11-09-2012, 02:22 PM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie55 View Post
You tell me?


I'm not a 10, but I wouldn't call myself "unattractive"...

I know most people think that "attractive people have it so much easier to find someone" but tbh...that's BS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to be taken seriously?
Just like when you're looking for a nice guy they tell you to look for nerds, people less attractive, less rich etc.
Well same thing with women...guys seem to want the quiet,nerdy, unattractive girls for serious relationships, and the slim, good looking athletic ones for ONS, FWB you name it, anything but a serious relationship.
You never had a clingy guy?

I find that hard to believe.
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