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Old 11-09-2012, 11:54 PM
 
267 posts, read 475,412 times
Reputation: 265

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He is 30 years old (i'm 25), lives at home with his mom, and is a bartender? He never went to college. He's really caring and nice BUT he doesn't seem very ambitious. I am currently seeing this guy who i'm attracted to, he's really cute and sweet but he seems content with his life. He has enrolled in classes for some kind of IT certification...but it's not really school. I feel so shallow that the fact that he has no education beyond highschool bothers me. I am currently in grad school and I have a roommate so there isn't much privacy for us to be "alone" here. I'm definitely not going over his moms. Would you guys keep him or dump him?


Sorry for the errors, I am writing this from my ipad
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:03 AM
 
17,863 posts, read 18,207,553 times
Reputation: 13821
Quote:
Originally Posted by glamgal198 View Post
He is 30 years old (i'm 25), lives at home with his mom, and is a bartender? He never went to college. He's really caring and nice BUT he doesn't seem very ambitious. I am currently seeing this guy who i'm attracted to, he's really cute and sweet but he seems content with his life. He has enrolled in classes for some kind of IT certification...but it's not really school. I feel so shallow that the fact that he has no education beyond highschool bothers me. I am currently in grad school and I have a roommate so there isn't much privacy for us to be "alone" here. I'm definitely not going over his moms. Would you guys keep him or dump him?


Sorry for the errors, I am writing this from my ipad
Like there's no reason to be upset that he doesn't have more than a high school education. Certifications can help him earn more money once he gets them.

A bartender can make a decent living though. Even a part-time bartender can make decent money and live alone or with a roommate.

Man. Living at home at 30? You don't have to be very ambitious at all and be out on your own by 25 at least! I don't know if I could if a woman I was interested in was like this. At least try to live on your own in your 20s. eesh!
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:09 AM
 
Location: OC/LA, California
313 posts, read 557,392 times
Reputation: 105
Some cultures are like that. They live with their parents till they get married and that's when they move out.
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:14 AM
 
Location: USA
1,589 posts, read 1,780,790 times
Reputation: 1630
Quote:
Originally Posted by glamgal198 View Post
He is 30 years old (i'm 25), lives at home with his mom, and is a bartender? He never went to college. He's really caring and nice BUT he doesn't seem very ambitious. I am currently seeing this guy who i'm attracted to, he's really cute and sweet but he seems content with his life. He has enrolled in classes for some kind of IT certification...but it's not really school. I feel so shallow that the fact that he has no education beyond highschool bothers me. I am currently in grad school and I have a roommate so there isn't much privacy for us to be "alone" here. I'm definitely not going over his moms. Would you guys keep him or dump him?


Sorry for the errors, I am writing this from my ipad
I think it more depends on what YOU can accept. Some women believe that men should be ambitious and some are totally ok with the other kind. Maybe he is not materialistic. Are you going to be ok with living in some poor quarters somewhere or on your salary mostly? I mean if you don't mind, then there is no problem. If you mind, there is a problem.

I bet different people will give you opposite answers. But it more depends on what you can handle, what you want out of life, how you picture your life 10 years from now, living with this guy, are you seeing yourself happy in this situation? Is he mamma's boy maybe? Can you handle that?

Don't think it's "shallow" or not to like something or not. Think of it as a match or non-match. We all like certain things and don't like certain things. It's a part of who we are. And the best match meets with what we like. But of course we have to settle sometimes. So just imagine the worst case scenarios with this guy (based on his situation) and see if you can live with that.

And if you are hoping to find someone with more education or more ambition, well, there is nothing wrong with that. It all depends on what we like or don't like.

Some "self-righteous" people are saying that you should be ok with this or that because they are ok with this or that. But it's not fair of them to expect you to be ok with the same things. So it doesn't matter what other people feel or say. It will depend on what they like or dislike, can handle or not handle. Their answers will depend on that. So there is no universal right answer, right decision that would be right for all. The same decision would be right for one person and wrong for another one.
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:24 AM
 
267 posts, read 475,412 times
Reputation: 265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
Like there's no reason to be upset that he doesn't have more than a high school education. Certifications can help him earn more money once he gets them.

A bartender can make a decent living though. Even a part-time bartender can make decent money and live alone or with a roommate.

Man. Living at home at 30? You don't have to be very ambitious at all and be out on your own by 25 at least! I don't know if I could if a woman I was interested in was like this. At least try to live on your own in your 20s. eesh!
I think if he had at least a stable career established OR his own place i would feel a little better. I just feel like he offers me no sense of security which is something important to me.
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:28 AM
 
35,107 posts, read 41,670,916 times
Reputation: 62165
Quote:
Originally Posted by glamgal198 View Post
He is 30 years old (i'm 25), lives at home with his mom, and is a bartender? He never went to college. He's really caring and nice BUT he doesn't seem very ambitious. I am currently seeing this guy who i'm attracted to, he's really cute and sweet but he seems content with his life. He has enrolled in classes for some kind of IT certification...but it's not really school. I feel so shallow that the fact that he has no education beyond highschool bothers me. I am currently in grad school and I have a roommate so there isn't much privacy for us to be "alone" here. I'm definitely not going over his moms. Would you guys keep him or dump him?


Sorry for the errors, I am writing this from my ipad
I would move on right now because it is always going to bother you that he "lacks" a formal college education and is content being a bartender. Don't waste his time with your issues and find someone who has the ambition and education you feel is appropriate.
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:29 AM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,409 posts, read 26,833,310 times
Reputation: 16518
Either respect him for who he is or leave him. I'm sure he'll find someone else he can treat well and will appreciate him. Who cares if other people agree or disagree with you, do whatever you feel is right, but, by all means do not turn this in to a relationship of you looking down on him the whole time.
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:31 AM
 
267 posts, read 475,412 times
Reputation: 265
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveWisdom View Post
I think it more depends on what YOU can accept. Some women believe that men should be ambitious and some are totally ok with the other kind. Maybe he is not materialistic. Are you going to be ok with living in some poor quarters somewhere or on your salary mostly? I mean if you don't mind, then there is no problem. If you mind, there is a problem.

I bet different people will give you opposite answers. But it more depends on what you can handle, what you want out of life, how you picture your life 10 years from now, living with this guy, are you seeing yourself happy in this situation? Is he mamma's boy maybe? Can you handle that?

Don't think it's "shallow" or not to like something or not. Think of it as a match or non-match. We all like certain things and don't like certain things. It's a part of who we are. And the best match meets with what we like. But of course we have to settle sometimes. So just imagine the worst case scenarios with this guy (based on his situation) and see if you can live with that.

And if you are hoping to find someone with more education or more ambition, well, there is nothing wrong with that. It all depends on what we like or don't like.

Some "self-righteous" people are saying that you should be ok with this or that because they are ok with this or that. But it's not fair of them to expect you to be ok with the same things. So it doesn't matter what other people feel or say. It will depend on what they like or dislike, can handle or not handle. Their answers will depend on that. So there is no universal right answer, right decision that would be right for all. The same decision would be right for one person and wrong for another one.
Awesome post, thank you. Sometimes people make me seem like I am shallow, superficial, or that i am superior, but it's not the case. I think he is a great person, I really feel torn between whether I should let him go or not because it's so HARD to find nice guys these days. However, he's not really the type I usually go for...I kind of feel like i'm settling. He has some of the characteristics I look for but not ALL. At what point do you compromise?
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Old 11-10-2012, 01:00 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
688 posts, read 778,898 times
Reputation: 750
Quote:
Originally Posted by glamgal198 View Post
He is 30 years old (i'm 25), lives at home with his mom, and is a bartender? He never went to college. He's really caring and nice BUT he doesn't seem very ambitious. I am currently seeing this guy who i'm attracted to, he's really cute and sweet but he seems content with his life. He has enrolled in classes for some kind of IT certification...but it's not really school. I feel so shallow that the fact that he has no education beyond highschool bothers me. I am currently in grad school and I have a roommate so there isn't much privacy for us to be "alone" here. I'm definitely not going over his moms. Would you guys keep him or dump him?


Sorry for the errors, I am writing this from my ipad
I would be happy knowing my girlfriend was enjoying her life, no matter what type of job she had.

Some people are shallow though. If that's something that is going to bother you, you might as well not drag it on. Let him find someone who's going to love him for who he is and what he chooses to be.
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Old 11-10-2012, 01:23 AM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,292 posts, read 13,064,855 times
Reputation: 6639
Quote:
Originally Posted by glamgal198 View Post
I just feel like he offers me no sense of security which is something important to me.
If it important to you then it's not something that you should outsource to someone else
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