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I'm 21 and my parents are finally getting a divorce after 31 years of marriage. I have a 29 year old brother as well.
My parents could never stand eachother as far as I can remember. I can't recall ever seeing anything good between them besides arguing and bickering. My father has always been a selfish sleaze who would spend thousands on himself without even speaking with my mother. He has only cared for his comfort, his cars and hanging out with his 'amazing' friends (guys in their 50s cheating with women that could be their daughters). He loves money more than anything else but only uses it to benefit himself.
My mother has devoted her life to my brother and I. She's the kind of person who doesn't care about her well-being as long as we are okay. She ran the household and was always very financially responsible. I was happy when she told me the news but surprised as well. I could never believe she would have the strength to leave the guy who happened to be my sperm donor.
How common is divorce after decades of marriage these days? The situation is kind of awkward because I'm not on speaking terms in my father and nobody around will expect them to split up after so many years.
Sorry for venting this but I would just like to hear opinions on what they call 'grey divorce' I think. If you could share any experiences, please do.
1-5 years 75%
6-20 years 70%
20+ varies but does happen. my uncle just got divorced after 40 years. Which makes no sense to me.. Your mom has her reasons. and you have no right to judge your dad. Thats their business NOT yours. Focus on your relationship with your dad seperately from your relationship with your mom.
Sounds like your mom kept the household together for the sake of her children. Few people are.that unselfish nowadays; most will tell you "my kids will be better off raised in a poor, single family household so long as they see me happy." Count your blessings for your mother's sacrifice.
Sounds like your mom kept the household together for the sake of her children. Few people are.that unselfish nowadays; most will tell you "my kids will be better off raised in a poor, single family household so long as they see me happy." Count your blessings for your mother's sacrifice.
Interesting. I wonder how the OP feels about this statement. Is he/she happy that his mother put up with that for so long?
1-5 years 75%
6-20 years 70%
20+ varies but does happen. my uncle just got divorced after 40 years. Which makes no sense to me.. Your mom has her reasons. and you have no right to judge your dad. Thats their business NOT yours. Focus on your relationship with your dad seperately from your relationship with your mom.
Of course it's my business. I don't like my father more for the way he acted with my mother than the way he acted with me.
Interesting. I wonder how the OP feels about this statement. Is he/she happy that his mother put up with that for so long?
I'm obviously not happy with that. She didn't have to give up on her life because of us. She should have left in the first year. It must be really frustrating to look back and see you've wasted 30 years of your life.
Marriage is actually dying, very very slowly, as our moral and religious codes are changing. There are a number of reasons for that, but the point is not "who's to blame", the point is mating and monogamy for life may well be an unnatural condition for the human in the first place.
Anthropological theories suggest we are naturally supposed to be "sharing the love" so to speak, and marriage and monogamy for life has been imposed on us by religion, which is losing it's grip on society.
People do things for all sorts of reasons. It's a shame your parents decided to bring you up in a war zone, mine did too, but they would have had their reasons, not least of all a belief that society expected them to stay together. It's very very difficult to admit failure or rebel when you're that conditioned.
You need to celebrate that your mother has finally made a bid for freedom. All the years she wasted with your father...I begrudge the 10 I spent with my ex.
This interview changed not only the way Beckerman and Lizarralde viewed Barà families but also brought into question the very way that anthropologists portray human coupling. If biological fatherhood can be shared—an idea accepted by many indigenous groups across South America and in many other cultures across the globe—then the nuclear family with one mom and one dad might not be the established blueprint for a family that we have been led to expect. If so, the familiar story of traditional human mating behavior, in which man the hunter brings home the bacon to his faithful wife, loses credibility. And if the Barà and other groups work perfectly well with more flexible family styles, the variety of family structures that are increasingly common in Western culture these days—everything from single-parent households to blended families—may not be as dangerous to the social fabric as we are led to believe. People in this culture may simply be exercising the same family options that humans have had for millions of years, options that have been operating in other cultures while the West took a stricter view of what constitutes a family.
Of course it's my business. I don't like my father more for the way he acted with my mother than the way he acted with me.
Your relationship with your dad should NOT be guided by the terms of their marriage.
You need to see counseling if you have issue with this.
He will always be your dad and she will always be your mom respectively.
The problem is some parent do more harm then right by getting their kids involved with their marriage issues. That was the biggest no no. Im not suprised your mom took part in this.
Again, you need to see a counselor and deal with both issues respectively.
There is NO such thing as my dad was the devil and my mom was a saint.
I'm obviously happy with that. She didn't have to give up on her life because of us. She should have left in the first year. It must be really frustrating to look back and see you've wasted 30 years of your life.
Wait. You're happy that your mother 'wasted' 30 years of her life?
Wait. You're happy that your mother 'wasted' 30 years of her life?
Sorry, that was obviously a mistake. I'll fix it.
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