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Old 11-14-2012, 04:49 PM
 
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My "so" has a friend that he works with that was over our place last night(they had a couple of beers). And we were all having a conversation about his "ex"--who is basically stalking him, etc. Anyway he got on the topic about women saying they want "nice men" or "good men" and in a reality women really want bad boys. He said that he always treats women nicely, and tries to be a good man, but he can't get anywhere with the women he dates because they aren't used to be treated nice. He said that he noticed this is especially the case with black women(he is a black man BTW). Anyway what he was saying tripped me out because he claimed he was a 'nice' guy or 'good guy' and yet he has a background which I don't think matches up. To make a long story short, when he was 17 he became a teen parent. The relationship didn't work out. He then got married when he was in his early twenties and had a child with that woman, and that didn't work out. It's now 7 years later, he has not had any more children, but for all intent and purposes he has two baby mama's lol. He is very active in his kids life, and is a good father(From what my "so" tells me). He also makes decent money and works a lot. He has a good personality(think Will Smith on Fresh Prince-he is a naturally funny silly outgoing guy), and is a people person from what I know about him. And he is 6ft2, tall, dark, muscular, etc. Anyway he doesn't "want" for attention because of the physical traits, but the "baggage" is probably what kills it for him. The reason I bring this up is because there are a lot of men out there that say that they are "good guys" or "nice guys" and they really aren't what most women would consider "nice". So do some men inflate their "goodness" and aren't in tune with reality--which is that they aren't really what women would consider "good" or "nice" guys...

Just curious, because this guy REALLY believes that he is a good guy, despite his background.

Last edited by sunkisses87; 11-14-2012 at 04:58 PM..
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:55 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 9,254,765 times
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Yep. So many men think they are good guys when they aren't. Now this guy I will give slack to because in his teens he didn't know better but any guy who has several baby mamas (not him)are not good guys. I'm talking the men who have several out of wedlock kids by different women.

Good guys to me: treats me like a queen, respects me, treats me as an equal, likes me as me not just my looks, always there when I need him to lend a hand or to comfort me. A good guy would marry me if I became pregnant or at the very least (assuming I didn't want to marry him)would be involved in the child's life and be an active parent.

Many men who think they are good guys are delusional. I've known guys who thought because they spent money on me they were good guys then they got nasty when I still rejected them.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,185 posts, read 4,055,222 times
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,000 posts, read 70,827,066 times
Reputation: 77001
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunkisses87 View Post
My "so" has a friend that he works with that was over our place last night(they had a couple of beers). And we were all having a conversation about his "ex"--who is basically stalking him, etc. Anyway he got on the topic about women saying they want "nice men" or "good men" and in a reality women really want bad boys. He said that he always treats women nicely, and tries to be a good man, but he can't get anywhere with the women he dates because they aren't used to be treated nice. He said that he noticed this is especially the case with black women(he is a black man BTW). Anyway what he was saying tripped me out because he claimed he was a 'nice' guy or 'good guy' and yet he has a background which I don't think matches up. To make a long story short, when he was 17 he became a teen parent. The relationship didn't work out. He then got married when he was in his early twenties and had a child with that woman, and that didn't work out. It's now 7 years later, he has not had any more children, but for all intent and purposes he has two baby mama's lol. He is very active in his kids life, and is a good father(From what my "so" tells me). He also makes decent money and works a lot. He has a good personality(think Will Smith on Fresh Prince-he is a naturally funny silly outgoing guy), and is a people person from what I know about him. And he is 6ft2, tall, dark, muscular, etc. Anyway he doesn't "want" for attention because of the physical traits, but the "baggage" is probably what kills it for him. The reason I bring this up is because there are a lot of men out there that say that they are "good guys" or "nice guys" and they really aren't what most women would consider "nice". So do some men inflate their "goodness" and aren't in tune with reality--which is that they aren't really what women would consider "good" or "nice" guys...

Just curious, because this guy REALLY believes that he is a good guy, despite his background.
Not this again! Your friend is clearly choosing the wrong women. Why does he always go for low-self-esteem or cheap-thrill/high-risk-seeking women?

Judging by so many posts and threads on this topic here, YES, SOME MEN (many, here, it seems) have no clue about the "good guy" thing. Sad. And according to some people here, there are quite a few "bad boys" out there pretending to be "good guys". Sounds like your friend might be one of them.
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:01 PM
 
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I usually let other people make that call. I just do what I do whether it's good or bad.
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:01 PM
 
1,202 posts, read 1,586,214 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Yep. So many men think they are good guys when they aren't. Now this guy I will give slack to because in his teens he didn't know better but any guy who has several baby mamas (not him)are not good guys. I'm talking the men who have several out of wedlock kids by different women.

Good guys to me: treats me like a queen, respects me, treats me as an equal, likes me as me not just my looks, always there when I need him to lend a hand or to comfort me. A good guy would marry me if I became pregnant or at the very least (assuming I didn't want to marry him)would be involved in the child's life and be an active parent.

Many men who think they are good guys are delusional. I've known guys who thought because they spent money on me they were good guys then they got nasty when I still rejected them.
It's really weird how men equate "niceness" or "goodness" with completely different measures than woman. For instance spending money on a woman, that you are dating, doesn't necessarily mean you are a good man--especially depending on the intentions behind it(are you doing it for a power trip, to get in her pants, etc).

In my "so's" friend case, he thinks he is a good guy because A) he spends money on woman B) he likes being in relationships and being in love(he is a romantic) and C) he CLAIMS he treats women nicely. I'm not sure how true C is though. But you have to wonder how a good guy could end up with two baby mama's? Or maybe it's unfair to say someone isn't good for having children with different women. I don't know.
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:03 PM
 
1,202 posts, read 1,586,214 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Not this again! Your friend is clearly choosing the wrong women. Why does he always go for low-self-esteem or cheap-thrill/high-risk-seeking women?

Judging by so many posts and threads on this topic here, YES, SOME MEN (many, here, it seems) have no clue about the "good guy" thing. Sad.
Maybe that's all he can get... He is a very attractive man(no lie), BUT I think the type of woman he'd like to attract would not be interested in his ready-made family. He says he likes classy, mature, professional women, but I can't think of one in his age range(late twenties early thirties) that wants to play step-mother. I guess it sucks for him, because he made bad decisions when he was young and dumb.
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:05 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,000 posts, read 70,827,066 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunkisses87 View Post
Maybe that's all he can get... He is a very attractive man(no lie), BUT I think the type of woman he'd like to attract would not be interested in his ready-made family. He says he likes classy, mature, professional women, but I can't think of one in his age range(late twenties early thirties) that wants to play step-mother. I guess it sucks for him, because he made bad decisions when he was young and dumb.
Good point. That issue seems to be weeding out the kind of women he's interested in.
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:08 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,135 posts, read 21,913,756 times
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The term "good guy" is an oxymoron. The word guy means "a grotesque murderer."

Look up Guy Fawkes in the 1600's.
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,185 posts, read 4,055,222 times
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Originally Posted by NCN View Post
The term "good guy" is an oxymoron. The word guy means "a grotesque murderer."
What leads you to believe all these grotesque murderers are not good at what they do?
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