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Let me start off by saying that I love the girl I'm with but the last few months we've been slowly drifting apart. We both moved to Oregon (I got a good job offer here) and she decided to come with me. We have been living in an apartment together for the past 7 months, and we both lived with our family the year we were dating in New York before we moved here.
She is extremely insecure, getting mad at me for the littlest things. A random example: If I friend a girl on Facebook I basically get interrogated about who she is and why I friend requested here. Its pretty ridiculous. She constantly say's I don't care, yet I'm the one who does everything.
This weekend she found porn on my computer and completely lost it. I let her vent for a while but today I finally decided to try and have a talk with her about it. Notice I say "try". I explained to her that porn is just a random fantasy, it has nothing to do with our relationship. I told her that I don't want the girls that are on the computer and shes the one I love. She went on to say that shes not good enough and not pretty enough...insecure stuff that I understand.
Well...here's the kicker, this is where I drew the line. I told her that I was just "bored" home alone. Maybe bored wasn't the best choice of words, but definitely didn't deserve what came next.... She SPIT on my face. Like full on spit right into my face. In that instant I really wanted to slap her, but I realized I would never do that and calmly told her she needs to leave. She said she already planned on it and started packing her stuff and buying a plane ticket. Then the next few hours she continuously called me a dog and that I'm scum...stuff to that nature. Pretty civil right?
This happened about 2 hours ago, and about 30min ago she handed me a letter that she said she wrote a month ago. In it, it basically says how much she loves me and cares about me and will always love me but hates the way we fight and cant be with me. The sad part is I know shes telling the truth, and its not the "I still love you, but cant date you" typical breakup line. I've been in several relationships, and despite what's happened between us I can tell that this girl really loves me but I honestly feel like she needs a little (maybe more then a little) emotional help. I think I have a problem that I always have to fix things that need help, and this isn't any different.
If you asked me two years ago if I would ever stay with a girl that had the audacity to spit in my face and degrade me like that I would have probably laughed. But for some reason I still love the girl. Deep down I know I should probably let her ago and that its only going to get worse from here. I really don't know what I expect to get from posting here, but I wanted to get it off my chest.
Spitting is abuse, it is actually quite severe abuse because it shows disgust.
Good on you for not slapping her back.
I think you guys are way too young and inexperienced for the situation you've got yourselves in.
Your porn and facebooking other girls shows that you are at the very least inconsiderate to her feelings, at worst a potential liar, cheat and player.
You obviously bring out the worst in each other. I hope you both learn something about yourselves, but no I don't think you should be pursuing this relationship. You're both in the wrong.
She is extremely insecure, getting mad at me for the littlest things.
I basically get interrogated
She constantly say's I don't care, yet I'm the one who does everything.
This weekend she found porn on my computer and completely lost it.
She SPIT on my face.
She handed me a letter that she said she wrote a month ago.
She said she was thinking about leaving it on the counter while I was at work one day and leaving.
I've pulled out the important parts of your post.
Let's see, she assaulted you by spitting in your face, she snooped on your computer (and found porn) and she insulted you and blamed her insecurities on you.
Spitting is abuse, it is actually quite severe abuse because it shows disgust.
Good on you for not slapping her back.
I think you guys are way too young and inexperienced for the situation you've got yourselves in.
Your porn and facebooking other girls shows that you are at the very least inconsiderate to her feelings, at worst a potential liar, cheat and player.
You obviously bring out the worst in each other. I hope you both learn something about yourselves, but no I don't think you should be pursuing this relationship. You're both in the wrong.
I agree with what you said. I think you misunderstood what I meant by facebooking other girls though. They were just friends from high school that I haven't talked to in several years. Nothing more, nothing less.
I just cant help still caring. I know just letting go is the best thing to do deep down
I agree with what you said. I think you misunderstood what I meant by facebooking other girls though. They were just friends from high school that I haven't talked to in several years. Nothing more, nothing less.
I don't really like facebook and did you know it now appears as a factor in something like 60% of all divorces?
My point is, you're not wrong for friending anyone, but you are wrong for doing it on the quiet when you know how insecure she is.
You know it would have been so easy (and considerate) for you to say "hey, this girl from hs contacted me, she wants to friend me" just to give her the heads up.
But no, it appears you did it without informing her, ditto the porn.
She's jealous and insecure and you've just tried to put out her fire with some gasoline.
I don't really like facebook and did you know it now appears as a factor in something like 60% of all divorces?
My point is, you're not wrong for friending anyone, but you are wrong for doing it on the quiet when you know how insecure she is.
You know it would have been so easy (and considerate) for you to say "hey, this girl from hs contacted me, she wants to friend me" just to give her the heads up.
But no, it appears you did it without informing her, ditto the porn.
She's jealous and insecure and you've just tried to put out her fire with some gasoline.
Let's see, she assaulted you by spitting in your face, she snooped on your computer (and found porn) and she insulted you and blamed her insecurities on you.
Let her move back home. It's time to LET GO.
Thanks. I think it's hard to see the big picture now but I have a feeling that once she leaves I'll be like wtf was I thinking..
Oh I forgot to say this in the original post, on Monday she attempted to delete everything from my computer. She uninstalled a ton of my stuff, and even had the balls to delete my folder that had all my schoolwork in it.
OP, re-read what you've said so far in the thread and then smack yourself.
I've been in your spot though, that kind of stuff comes around slowly and you don't realize what's going on. Then one day you're like "what the **** is going on here".
Been there done that, she will not change. She will never change and she's always going to treat you like that.
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