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A nice girl rejected a subtle show of interest from myself in favor of another guy. I remained friendly, joking with her daily to show there were no hard feelings, but cut the conversations short to respect her space. The other guy is kind of a bully and a player and would cut me down whenever he could in front of her to try to win her over. He also already had another girl friend for which he was the father of her two children (although not married) he was living with. Once he won this other girl over, he came to me to boast of his expoits because he knew I had liked her and he wanted to stroke his ego and asert himself as alpha male.
A year went by in which this girl was nice to me put pretty much treated me like yesterdays corn beef. Then she suddenly realized what a **** this guy is and came running to me complaining this guy is a zero and wanted to know if i still cared for her? I did care, but I was hurt and I felt like I would be a door mat if I just consoled her, so I simply said no real cool like I was selling insurance and changed the subject. She seemed surprisingly upset by this. I struggled for days wondering if I should tell her my true feelings but, given her actions (she knew I was a 'nice' guy and still fell for this guy's chest pounding even though she knew he already had a gf) i felt that no matter what she said or how upset she seemed, my feelings for her really couldn't possibly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.
My probelm is I feel like a jerk. I was too close to the situation, my feelings and ego were hurt and I let my pride make me say something that wasn't true in a not very nice way. (I didn't say anything mean, I just was curt and didn't give her a chance to explain). We all make mistakes, and maybe I should have listened. Do you think I did the right thing or was I a jerk?
Your mistake here was caring to begin with. Whenever I'm starting to get emotionally invested in a girl too early, I take a step back and ask myself: "Has this girl earned this amount of investment?" Generally, if I have to even ask that question, the answer is no.
Based on how you describe her, this girl is not girlfriend material (any girl that goes for the loud, obnoxious guy generally isn't). What you should have done was not respond emotionally and just have a casual relationship with her. If you wanted something more, then sorry man, you're barking up the wrong tree.
When a girl is interested in a man for a relationship, they don't complain to them about other men. Keep in mind that when girls want to complain about men, they call up their girlfriends....so, if she's complaining to you about men, well, it might be a 'tell' for how she really views you and what she wants you for.
I would have to agree here. If I really liked you, I would never mention another guy in your presence(unless of course I'm trying to make you jealous), but if I keep rambling on about problems with another guy, it's because you are just another one of my (male) girlfriends. Sorry...you deserve better.
A nice girl rejected a subtle show of interest from myself in favor of another guy. I remained friendly, joking with her daily to show there were no hard feelings, but cut the conversations short to respect her space. The other guy is kind of a bully and a player and would cut me down whenever he could in front of her to try to win her over. He also already had another girl friend for which he was the father of her two children (although not married) he was living with. Once he won this other girl over, he came to me to boast of his expoits because he knew I had liked her and he wanted to stroke his ego and asert himself as alpha male.
A year went by in which this girl was nice to me put pretty much treated me like yesterdays corn beef. Then she suddenly realized what a **** this guy is and came running to me complaining this guy is a zero and wanted to know if i still cared for her? I did care, but I was hurt and I felt like I would be a door mat if I just consoled her, so I simply said no real cool like I was selling insurance and changed the subject. She seemed surprisingly upset by this. I struggled for days wondering if I should tell her my true feelings but, given her actions (she knew I was a 'nice' guy and still fell for this guy's chest pounding even though she knew he already had a gf) i felt that no matter what she said or how upset she seemed, my feelings for her really couldn't possibly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.
My probelm is I feel like a jerk. I was too close to the situation, my feelings and ego were hurt and I let my pride make me say something that wasn't true in a not very nice way. (I didn't say anything mean, I just was curt and didn't give her a chance to explain). We all make mistakes, and maybe I should have listened. Do you think I did the right thing or was I a jerk?
i don't think you were a jerk. i think you did the right thing.
if you want to be a jerk, you'd say you still have feelings for her --- have sex with her for a few months -- and then change your mind. Which, you know, is sort of what she did.
No, I don't think you were a jerk at all.
You're also now in a somewhat rare position for a guy: you're the object of desire. If she still wants you and you're still interested in her, don't make it easy for her. Make her work for it.
i don't think you were a jerk. i think you did the right thing.
if you want to be a jerk, you'd say you still have feelings for her --- have sex with her for a few months -- and then change your mind. Which, you know, is sort of what she did.
I didn't see anywhere in the first post where she said she wanted to be his girlfriend or anything, she just asked if he still cared.
A nice girl rejected a subtle show of interest from myself in favor of another guy. I remained friendly, joking with her daily to show there were no hard feelings, but cut the conversations short to respect her space. The other guy is kind of a bully and a player and would cut me down whenever he could in front of her to try to win her over. He also already had another girl friend for which he was the father of her two children (although not married) he was living with. Once he won this other girl over, he came to me to boast of his expoits because he knew I had liked her and he wanted to stroke his ego and asert himself as alpha male.
A year went by in which this girl was nice to me put pretty much treated me like yesterdays corn beef. Then she suddenly realized what a **** this guy is and came running to me complaining this guy is a zero and wanted to know if i still cared for her? I did care, but I was hurt and I felt like I would be a door mat if I just consoled her, so I simply said no real cool like I was selling insurance and changed the subject. She seemed surprisingly upset by this. I struggled for days wondering if I should tell her my true feelings but, given her actions (she knew I was a 'nice' guy and still fell for this guy's chest pounding even though she knew he already had a gf) i felt that no matter what she said or how upset she seemed, my feelings for her really couldn't possibly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.
My probelm is I feel like a jerk. I was too close to the situation, my feelings and ego were hurt and I let my pride make me say something that wasn't true in a not very nice way. (I didn't say anything mean, I just was curt and didn't give her a chance to explain). We all make mistakes, and maybe I should have listened. Do you think I did the right thing or was I a jerk?
I don't think you were a jerk, she made her choice in what kind of man she wanted, now she has to deal with. I wouldn't want to be somebody back up plan either.
I didn't see anywhere in the first post where she said she wanted to be his girlfriend or anything, she just asked if he still cared.
OP also didn't specify that she was , in fact, the possessor of human genetalia by which they would have sex. So I guess I'm making assumptions all around. They could very well both be aliens.
She seemed surprisingly upset by this. I struggled for days wondering if I should tell her my true feelings but, given her actions (she knew I was a 'nice' guy and still fell for this guy's chest pounding even though she knew he already had a gf) i felt that no matter what she said or how upset she seemed, my feelings for her really couldn't possibly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.
She was upset. First the chestpounder ripped her ego to shreds and then the guy that she had counted on to catch her when she lost at the love game rejected her too. Ouch on the ego! You were not a doormat so I'm assuming that you still have your self respect. Isn't that worth so much more?
A nice girl rejected a subtle show of interest from myself in favor of another guy. I remained friendly, joking with her daily to show there were no hard feelings, but cut the conversations short to respect her space. The other guy is kind of a bully and a player and would cut me down whenever he could in front of her to try to win her over. He also already had another girl friend for which he was the father of her two children (although not married) he was living with. Once he won this other girl over, he came to me to boast of his expoits because he knew I had liked her and he wanted to stroke his ego and asert himself as alpha male.
A year went by in which this girl was nice to me put pretty much treated me like yesterdays corn beef. Then she suddenly realized what a **** this guy is and came running to me complaining this guy is a zero and wanted to know if i still cared for her? I did care, but I was hurt and I felt like I would be a door mat if I just consoled her, so I simply said no real cool like I was selling insurance and changed the subject. She seemed surprisingly upset by this. I struggled for days wondering if I should tell her my true feelings but, given her actions (she knew I was a 'nice' guy and still fell for this guy's chest pounding even though she knew he already had a gf) i felt that no matter what she said or how upset she seemed, my feelings for her really couldn't possibly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.
My probelm is I feel like a jerk. I was too close to the situation, my feelings and ego were hurt and I let my pride make me say something that wasn't true in a not very nice way. (I didn't say anything mean, I just was curt and didn't give her a chance to explain). We all make mistakes, and maybe I should have listened. Do you think I did the right thing or was I a jerk?
You have begrudged her........can't be a healthy way to begin a relationship.
At that moment in time, I think you did the right thing.
I tend to agree.
She took you for granted and you stood up to yourself and I bet in her eyes, you've earned more respect now. And just maybe she looked closer if the situation should come up again.
And there's no telling that she would have used you for a rebound or support/comfort, then moved on to the next loser.
She lost her chance!
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