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Old 11-19-2012, 10:14 AM
 
9 posts, read 17,494 times
Reputation: 15

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So..knew this guy online ( I know. ) for about 8 years. Over the years the relationship had progressed from just friends to way more. Well, over that time period I grew deeply in love with the man. I even felt co-dependent. That's a big deal for a woman who is so stubborn and independent.
Anyhow,...first couple of years..talked daily...he'd stay on to be the first to tell me happy birthday,etc. the last two years or so I noticed we seemed to talk only on the weekends. I realize I'm a busy person, as is he, but that just seems odd. I couldn't get a number for him or a proper addy. I know he had a woman. I had a man. ANyhow, I became divorced and then we started talking more. We had a few tiffs as I was obviously pushing more for commitment since neither of us were with someone. He had broken it off with his woman supposedly. So..talking..everything's fine..then he just ..disappears.

This is my issue. I realize I shouldn't want someone that treats me that way. I'm a smart girl. I just don't understand why he would do that and not tell me to "bug" off or something.


Anyone have any ideas?

Anyone know why I can't move forward? It's seriously frustrating.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,311 posts, read 12,381,257 times
Reputation: 15375
Online things like this can lull one into a false sense of intimacy. Developing a relationship needs physical proximity and the new is no substitute for this. Move on, Because given what you have posted you cannot be sure exactly who you were talking to.

And If you get married again, Stay off the chat rooms. Not judging just a suggestion.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:22 AM
 
6,911 posts, read 10,786,820 times
Reputation: 7371
Mr. Darcy has officially disappeared...



Oh Dear Lord...
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:26 AM
 
13,653 posts, read 16,196,830 times
Reputation: 10403
Mr. Darcy *Swoons*
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:27 AM
 
9 posts, read 17,494 times
Reputation: 15
I realize it was a false sense of everything...hence the title of Mr. Darcy. That's what he reminded me of in way.

I'm trying to move on. Some days I do better with it than others. I don't know if it's the idea that during those times I felt wanted and that is what I seek that keeps me backstepping or what.

I know what you mean about the chat rooms. I was 21 when I met the man.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:29 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,911,068 times
Reputation: 42368
You fell in love with a fantasy, which sounds very much what a "stubborn, independent" woman would want, instead of a real person with real vulnerabilities and real needs. He may have fled when things became too real, maybe he couldn't bear the pressure of your expectations ... but based on his not telling you his address or phone number, my guess is that he pulled the plug on a secret affair. He's either with his family or with someone who is not so complicated.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,311 posts, read 12,381,257 times
Reputation: 15375
Wait....Wasn't Mr. Darcy a character on Married with children?
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:30 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,133,226 times
Reputation: 45811
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelyoasis2012 View Post
So..knew this guy online ( I know. ) for about 8 years. Over the years the relationship had progressed from just friends to way more. Well, over that time period I grew deeply in love with the man. I even felt co-dependent. That's a big deal for a woman who is so stubborn and independent.
Anyhow,...first couple of years..talked daily...he'd stay on to be the first to tell me happy birthday,etc. the last two years or so I noticed we seemed to talk only on the weekends. I realize I'm a busy person, as is he, but that just seems odd. I couldn't get a number for him or a proper addy. I know he had a woman. I had a man. ANyhow, I became divorced and then we started talking more. We had a few tiffs as I was obviously pushing more for commitment since neither of us were with someone. He had broken it off with his woman supposedly. So..talking..everything's fine..then he just ..disappears.

This is my issue. I realize I shouldn't want someone that treats me that way. I'm a smart girl. I just don't understand why he would do that and not tell me to "bug" off or something.


Anyone have any ideas?

Anyone know why I can't move forward? It's seriously frustrating.
Well, first off I'd like to point out a subtle clue: The title of your thread.

Mr. Darcy is a fictional character. An archetype. An invention, along with Mr. Right, Prince Charming, and the Knight in Shining Armor. You are not dealing with a flesh-and-blood man, but an ideal. Womanhood's equivalent of the Easter Bunny. Women have been swooning over Mr. Darcy since Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice two centuries ago. But Mr. Darcy exists no more than rich, six-foot-two amply-bosomed Swedish supermodels who love football, sex on demand, and live for nothing more than to make ordinary guys incredibly happy every waking moment.

It's nice to daydream about such things for a minute or two, but to wallow in the ideal for years on end is foolhardy. It is a childish indulgence to allow it to run your life.

So do yourself a favor and stop referring to him as Mr. Darcy. It creates a sense that you once had the very pinnacle of the male gender in your grasp, only to have him evaporate into thin air.

Second, if he was putting diminishing energy and interest into your so-called relationship over the course of several years, you should have gotten a clue. He broke off with his woman and disappeared. That means he has found someone else, and that someone is not you. You should have seen the signs far earlier than you did.

Third, you yourself described yourself as co-dependent in this relationship. Trust me. Being in a relationship with a co-dependent is no picnic. It is not only is exhausting for the other person to be responsible for your happiness, but it also limits his options when it comes to breaking things off. He can't say, "I'm done Elizabeth Bennett," lest you fling yourself off the bluffs at Dover or some other over-the-top drama. So rather than sever matters, he took the easier path by letting things cool over time. Perhaps not the most mature thing to do, but understandable nonetheless.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:32 AM
 
13,653 posts, read 16,196,830 times
Reputation: 10403
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Wait....Wasn't Mr. Darcy a character on Married with children?
I thought she meant Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. He is dreamy.

But, yeah OP, date people who are local.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:36 AM
 
6,911 posts, read 10,786,820 times
Reputation: 7371
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Wait....Wasn't Mr. Darcy a character on Married with children?
Lol.

Not something you want to say when talking to a girl in Williamsburg or Park Slope.
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