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Old 11-22-2012, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Anywhere but here
5,232 posts, read 3,441,978 times
Reputation: 9309

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My ex husband became best friends with a female coworker and it really bugged me. Time and time again we would fight and he would tell me how jealous and paranoid I was because they were "just friends." He was with her the entire time behind my back and lied right to my face with no remorse. They were definitely NOT just friends. I trusted him completely and when I found out how easily he lied to me...well, now I have trust issues. I've had a few crappy relationship experiences since then and for me, it's hard to believe someone is being truthful and that they aren't going to leave me. I think the good thing is I'm aware I have some issues and I try to step outside myself when I'm dating someone and think if this person is really doing something wrong, or if I'm just dragging along my prior baggage.

A lot of people have trust issues. I think you just have to be aware of your own issues and not punish a new partner for what someone else did. Trust is earned though. Someone who cares about you will be patient and take the time to earn your trust. Within reason of course.
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Old 11-22-2012, 03:57 PM
 
1,602 posts, read 843,975 times
Reputation: 1332
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
A lot of people have trust issues. I think you just have to be aware of your own issues and not punish a new partner for what someone else did. Trust is earned though. Someone who cares about you will be patient and take the time to earn your trust. Within reason of course.
Absolutely to this entire segment, but especially to the bold part. And it's really good that a lot of you do know where your issues stem from, because not everyone is so lucky.

Really, it's just a matter of recognizing whether there is a problem, or if you're projecting your issues onto your situation - and you'll know. And working with the other person to get through those issues and earn their trust.
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Old 11-22-2012, 04:54 PM
 
29 posts, read 11,564 times
Reputation: 31
Personally I think dating anyone with trust issues is going to be hard, whether you have them yourself or not. I don't think it's a case of "oh you're like me so that magically makes my trust issues vanish".
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Old 11-23-2012, 04:43 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
1,534 posts, read 1,100,127 times
Reputation: 3583
If two people that both had trust issues were together, they would never be able to work on their relationship since they would both be trying to catch the other person cheating all of the time. And constantly checking the other person's phone (text messages) or the relationship would implode due to mutual co-dependency issues and accusations of lying and cheating would consume all of their waking hours. They would probably both resort to having GPS devices put on each others cars and taking polygraph tests every two weeks while answering question posed by the other party. It would be something like that old cartoon called 'Spy vs. Spy' but within a relationship.

SPY vs SPY Headquarters - Unofficial Fan Page
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Old 11-23-2012, 04:58 AM
 
1,838 posts, read 864,636 times
Reputation: 1511
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
How do they feel about dating other people with trust issues? Would they meet minds and be less problematic relationship, or would they just feel unfulfilled dating someone who is the same?

If anyone has any personal experience with this, your input would be highly valued. Thanks.

(and no, I don't have this issue but I am curious about those who do, since it seems quite common)
Everyone has issues but if they've bothered to get therapy they are more likely to be able to work out relationship issues. It's usually unconscious people who have the most trouble.
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Old 11-23-2012, 06:05 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 4,893,357 times
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You will get some stock answers; oh, they're not worth wasting time on, etc. etc....Not that you're putting it out there, but I don't know where this idea comes from that a untrusting person or whatever is going to somehow be 'unfulfilled.' Maybe it is a requirement for some of these people to throw all caution to the wind, why that is, I don't know but it shouldn't be held out as the standard for everyone to follow, yet it is. I know a woman that was IMO overly trusting of her husband and he carried on an affair for a decade and even had a baby with the other woman (from his job). She was a wreck after the fact. So I see trust really got her far in life. And that's what happens when you foolishly put all your eggs into one basket where another person is concerned, just because you beleive if you don't, the whole situation will be "unfulfilled" or "invalid."
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Old 11-23-2012, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,231,011 times
Reputation: 9753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
You will get some stock answers; oh, they're not worth wasting time on, etc. etc....Not that you're putting it out there, but I don't know where this idea comes from that a untrusting person or whatever is going to somehow be 'unfulfilled.' Maybe it is a requirement for some of these people to throw all caution to the wind, why that is, I don't know but it shouldn't be held out as the standard for everyone to follow, yet it is. I know a woman that was IMO overly trusting of her husband and he carried on an affair for a decade and even had a baby with the other woman (from his job). She was a wreck after the fact. So I see trust really got her far in life. And that's what happens when you foolishly put all your eggs into one basket where another person is concerned, just because you beleive if you don't, the whole situation will be "unfulfilled" or "invalid."
^^^And here she is.The poster child of trust issues!!^^^^^^^
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Old 11-23-2012, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,231,011 times
Reputation: 9753
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
My ex husband became best friends with a female coworker and it really bugged me. Time and time again we would fight and he would tell me how jealous and paranoid I was because they were "just friends." He was with her the entire time behind my back and lied right to my face with no remorse. They were definitely NOT just friends. I trusted him completely and when I found out how easily he lied to me...well, now I have trust issues. I've had a few crappy relationship experiences since then and for me, it's hard to believe someone is being truthful and that they aren't going to leave me. I think the good thing is I'm aware I have some issues and I try to step outside myself when I'm dating someone and think if this person is really doing something wrong, or if I'm just dragging along my prior baggage.

A lot of people have trust issues. I think you just have to be aware of your own issues and not punish a new partner for what someone else did. Trust is earned though. Someone who cares about you will be patient and take the time to earn your trust. Within reason of course.
Hi Kiki.After reading your post I became curious about something and hopefully I'm not being too nosy. If I am just tell me to bug off. Ok? You are a very beautiful woman Kiki, so the chances that your ex fooled around because he found someone prettier are quite slim in my opinion. So do you think he fooled around because maybe things got routine and maybe a bit boring in bed? I know this happens. Its happened to me. And I've tried my best since then to make sure it doesnt happen again. What do you think?
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Old 11-23-2012, 01:30 PM
 
12,296 posts, read 7,401,673 times
Reputation: 9292
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skydive Outlaw View Post
If two people that both had trust issues were together, they would never be able to work on their relationship since they would both be trying to catch the other person cheating all of the time. And constantly checking the other person's phone (text messages) or the relationship would implode due to mutual co-dependency issues and accusations of lying and cheating would consume all of their waking hours. They would probably both resort to having GPS devices put on each others cars and taking polygraph tests every two weeks while answering question posed by the other party. It would be something like that old cartoon called 'Spy vs. Spy' but within a relationship.

SPY vs SPY Headquarters - Unofficial Fan Page
lol funny.

In all seriousness, thanks for understanding what I was specifically asking. I don't think it would be like that though. I think they would be more patient and empathetic with each other because they understand.
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Old 11-23-2012, 01:33 PM
 
12,296 posts, read 7,401,673 times
Reputation: 9292
Quote:
Originally Posted by tazzled View Post
I'm curious, if you have trust issues - do you tend to know what they stem from?
I think if they come from childhood traumas, they may not know where their trust issues stem from or may not be aware that they have them, but any trust issues that come from any romantic/sexual relationship, then they will know. Knowing of course is the first step, but the second step is not punishing other people in your life for what happened to you in the past. That is the hard part.
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