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Now I don't mean in terms of doing them, I mean, what if men are the only thing that brings happiness to your life, your reason for living, the thing that motivates you to do stuff. Is it wrong?
I am reading a book "Why You're Not Married Yet" by Tracy McMillan. It's a relationship self help book and she talks about the things women do that stop men from marrying them. She uses examples culled from her own life, friends etc to demonstrate certain points. One of those examples struck a chord with me.
She describes a woman named Angie, who NEEDS to be in relationships. When Angie is not with a guy (and any guy will do) she feels restless and unhappy. Life feels flat and boring and she gets depressed. But when Angie is in a relationship, even if it's a bad one, her whole life feels better. It calms her down, restores her vitality, makes her stop drinking as much etc.
Now as I was reading it, I thought to myself "Codependent much", but then I started thinking about my own life and I realized that 90% of my social activities are centered around guys. Let me explain. When I sign up for meetup events, I eagerly sign up for the ones where guys are bound to be there. If I see an event where it's just girls, I don't sign up, unless it's something I really, really wanted to do. So I go to a ton of clubbing and networking events but Card Games with the Girls, no way. A coworker told me she does the same thing. Why go to any event if not to meet guys?
But I also notice that when I go to my networking events and don't meet a great guy, I get depressed. I feel it's a wasted night. But when I do go to an event and I meet a hot potential, I am excited. There is a special type of happiness a hot potential brings to my life. The skies seem bluer, I hear birds chirping...
So what I'm saying is that I am in some ways like Angie, not to the degree of her obviously because I am also super picky and have other hobbies and would rather be single than be in a bad relationship, but we both do things that are motivated by men.
I wanted to discuss this. How much of what we do is motivated by MEN? Is it wrong, or is it nature's way of making us propagate the species.Any other women relate? Hopefully we can have a civil discussion here on CD
I read Tracy McMillon's snippet on Huffington Post. She's frickin HILLARIOUS!!
A question I like to ask is how much of human behavior is motivated by love and work? After all, we do desire to live out our passions to fulfill whatever we define as our own purpose & happiness.
I used to be a wild crazy teenager once. After a while, I grew to love learning about life and what inspires me outside of others and relationships.
Yes- I find hanging out with a group of girls who are laid back, funny, not catty, gossipy or petty to be awesome random fun outside of spending time with a bf when I'm not or am involved w/ a s.o.. I find comfort in knowing there are cool chicks you can talk just about anything about with- politics, dating, why the world is the way it is.. your world expands!
I think the key to life is balance. Guys won't bring you happiness. Happiness only comes when you know what you want, you figure out what you're most infatuated with in life. You build your world around you, and you naturally will attract similar, along your own wavelength.
In other words, find hobbies that spark up your innermost dreams. Nourish that kid in you.
I gain more perspective from life when I'm involved in my own hobbies and interest that doesn't surround men. Once you find yourself at that happy spot in life, smooth sailing.. you'll be s-a-t-i-s-FIED in the quality of people you meet.
What I have noticed from my group of friends and acquaintances is that the girls who go on "man hunts" are terminally single and the ones who don't tend to have no problems meeting men in random times and places.
Maybe it's different for guys, because my friends and acquaintances are the exact opposite.
Now I don't mean in terms of doing them, I mean, what if men are the only thing that brings happiness to your life, your reason for living, the thing that motivates you to do stuff. Is it wrong?
I am reading a book "Why You're Not Married Yet" by Tracy McMillan. It's a relationship self help book and she talks about the things women do that stop men from marrying them. She uses examples culled from her own life, friends etc to demonstrate certain points. One of those examples struck a chord with me.
She describes a woman named Angie, who NEEDS to be in relationships. When Angie is not with a guy (and any guy will do) she feels restless and unhappy. Life feels flat and boring and she gets depressed. But when Angie is in a relationship, even if it's a bad one, her whole life feels better. It calms her down, restores her vitality, makes her stop drinking as much etc.
Now as I was reading it, I thought to myself "Codependent much", but then I started thinking about my own life and I realized that 90% of my social activities are centered around guys. Let me explain. When I sign up for meetup events, I eagerly sign up for the ones where guys are bound to be there. If I see an event where it's just girls, I don't sign up, unless it's something I really, really wanted to do. So I go to a ton of clubbing and networking events but Card Games with the Girls, no way. A coworker told me she does the same thing. Why go to any event if not to meet guys?
But I also notice that when I go to my networking events and don't meet a great guy, I get depressed. I feel it's a wasted night. But when I do go to an event and I meet a hot potential, I am excited. There is a special type of happiness a hot potential brings to my life. The skies seem bluer, I hear birds chirping...
So what I'm saying is that I am in some ways like Angie, not to the degree of her obviously because I am also super picky and have other hobbies and would rather be single than be in a bad relationship, but we both do things that are motivated by men.
I wanted to discuss this. How much of what we do is motivated by MEN? Is it wrong, or is it nature's way of making us propagate the species.Any other women relate? Hopefully we can have a civil discussion here on CD
I am the same way about women. I can relate with only wanting to go to meetup events if women are going to be there. I feel like i need a girlfriend to be happy, although as you said, it has to be the right person. I think i would be more miserable if i was with the wrong person. I think it's pretty much biology at work. Most people are motivated by this desire, although the degree varies.
When I sign up for meetup events, I eagerly sign up for the ones where guys are bound to be there.
You should try signing up for meetup events based on the kind of activity that's going to be involved. If Mr. Hunky happens to show up and you guys end up hitting it off great, if not then at least you had a good time basket weaving or hiking or whatever.
Maybe it's different for guys, because my friends and acquaintances are the exact opposite.
Definitely! The men I know that are successful with women go out there and get some instead of waiting idly by.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kat949
In other words, find hobbies that spark up your innermost dreams. Nourish that kid in you.
Well put. Nourishing your inner child is important. That's why men hunt & fish. That's why we loving gaming. That's why we fix up old cars. That's why we play in bands. That's why we ride motorcycles & mountain bikes. I still cant figure out why many, but not all, women dont have hobbies that they're passionate about. I would go insane if I didnt have some kind of passionate or creative outlet. To an certain extent, my hobbies even define who I am.
Last edited by GSXRScott; 11-26-2012 at 03:55 PM..
So what I'm saying is that I am in some ways like Angie, not to the degree of her obviously because I am also super picky and have other hobbies and would rather be single than be in a bad relationship, but we both do things that are motivated by men.
It's surely a matter of degree. We all have to eat but not all of us are gluttons. And some of us are like you but many women are not. I don't think I'd call it wrong exactly but it's healthy to examine it as you're doing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope
You'll feel like that right up till you have your first baby.
Then, if you aren't a brainless bimbo, the men come second best.
That effect is temporary and only lasts as long as the kids are little.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy
Please take no offense to my next statement but....
The older women (think 50 or 60+ years old) that I know who have lived their lives focusing heavily on having/getting/keeping/finding a man are rather sad and empty (for various reasons).
Not always. I'm much like peacelilies at the ripe old age of 53, but like her I'm picky and have other interests as well. Most of my interests are solitary, like reading, but I admit that after my divorce my social interests took a turn towards activities most likely to yield a date. I think there is something a little addictive about this and I have also found that the more attractive I feel the more interested I am in these activities but on a fat day I just want to stay home on the computer, lol.
A funny thing I just remembered: I've always wanted to learn to play the banjo and thought I'd take group lessons, and b/c I've never seen a woman playing the banjo I figured that my class would be full of men. Imagine my chagrin when I got there and found 11 women and 1 young man! They tagged us "The Lady Banjo Class" because they had never seen such a thing at the school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacelilies
I figured guys would have their own variation of it. I just wonder if this is just a phase, a normal phase for everyone. I certainly don't want to veer into Angie territory, settling for any man just to get a slice for happiness.
And if you haven't already, you probably won't. I'd like to say that age will slow things down but it doesn't--your basic temperament is your temperament and as long as you keep a rein on it, then I don't see the problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy
But then the question becomes...what is your hobby going to be after you "get" the guy?
I managed to be married for 23 years w/o getting into trouble and I took on other interests while in that relationship. Now I'm dating a farmer pretty seriously so I've been reading up on farm magazines lately lol. He makes me really glad that I was picky and held out and didn't get into a relationship with just anyone.
Most women who attract men on a regular basis have no need to base the planning of their social activities on the number of guys who do or do not attend certain events. If you like hiking...go hiking. If you like golf...go golfing. If you like to dance...go dancing. It really is that simple.
The fact that you decide whether or not to attend events based on how many guys attend would infer that you are not meeting men in you every day life by simply going about your business. Maybe its time for you to take a look at your standards and see if you actually match up to what men that you desire are even seeking in a partner.
Ehh, you don't know what you are talking about.
How many heterosexual women do you know prefer to go to events where there are majority women ?
How many heterosexual men do you know prefer to go to events that are majority men i.e. sausage fests?
Go out clubbing and report back.
There is something appealing and exciting about going to where the opposite sex is. It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with your attractive levels, so reducing this to that is actually simplistic of you.
I prefer being around guys. Sue Me. This is the same board where someone wanting a baby is labelled psychopatic.
I also wanted to add something I have been noticing, not just on CD but on other boards.
It seems unpopular for someone to come out and say they want family related stuff.
If you say you want a significant other and are bummed you are not finding one, you are told there must be something you are doing wrong, or you are ugly, or crazy or you should focus on the joys of the single life.
If you say you want a baby, you are told that the world is already overpopulated, to be child free, or something.
Instead of compassion, there is denigration. It is something I have noticed.
Sometimes, the fact is that there is just no reason other than timing for why people are not finding partners. Also, yearning for family type stuff is natural and normal. It is normal to want a partner. No one should be denigrated for admitting this.
Ehh, you don't know what you are talking about.
How many heterosexual women do you know prefer to go to events where there are majority women ?
How many heterosexual men do you know prefer to go to events that are majority men i.e. sausage fests?
Go out clubbing and report back.
There is something appealing and exciting about going to where the opposite sex is. It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with your attractive levels, so reducing this to that is actually simplistic of you.
I prefer being around guys. Sue Me. This is the same board where someone wanting a baby is labelled psychopatic.
So do you mean to say that you do not encounter quality men by simply going about your daily or weekly activities? That seems so strange to me. I have never had to plan my outings to make certain that I would encounter "menfolk". I simply go to the places where I like to go, do the things that I like to do and then...BAM...hey look, there are guys there too.
I also wanted to add something I have been noticing, not just on CD but on other boards.
It seems unpopular for someone to come out and say they want family related stuff.
If you say you want a significant other and are bummed you are not finding one, you are told there must be something you are doing wrong, or you are ugly, or crazy or you should focus on the joys of the single life.
If you say you want a baby, you are told that the world is already overpopulated, to be child free, or something.
Instead of compassion, there is denigration. It is something I have noticed.
Sometimes, the fact is that there is just no reason other than timing for why people are not finding partners. Also, yearning for family type stuff is natural and normal. It is normal to want a partner. No one should be denigrated for admitting this.
Really? I have seen the complete opposite.
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, I mean, what if men are the only thing that brings happiness to your life, your reason for living, the thing that motivates you to do stuff. Is it wrong?
