Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 11-27-2012, 04:17 PM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,433,873 times
Reputation: 4437

Advertisements

Getting back to the topic at hand, your co-worker getting the note from him implies to me he may be interested in more than drinks. The safe way to respond would be something along the lines of "My BF and I are thinking about hitting happy hour at X on Friday if you'd like to join us." Puts them on the same page and if he declines then my guess is he's not looking for a drinking buddy.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-27-2012, 07:07 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,639 posts, read 2,193,939 times
Reputation: 3538
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Friendly happy hour my @ss. If she goes alone, she's looking for trouble. If she takes her boyfriend with her, then it's fine.
Yeah..honestly..unless all the players and their significant others know each other, and there is HONESTLY no attraction for one another ( can you read the other person's mind?) then im not really good with that. Espescially drinking.

I just think when it comes to someone who is married or in a committed relationship, you should tread lightly with "going out for drinks with opposite sex" kinda crap. Seriously, cant you just hang out with ur same sex friends or other couples? I would not like my boyfriend going out to "have drinks" with a co-worker. Sorry.

And again, this is 'generally' speaking. Some people do, but its because of the specific relationship they have with that person. For instance, there is an ex coworker of mine who is older (just retired) and married. We became friends on the job, and I met his wife, and his college aged children. Our relationbship was ALWAYS based on being just friends..no hidden desires going on. We speak on phone opening and freely in front of his wife/kids, and occassionaly we go out to lunch, and his wife knows she is always invited, though she never goes. Half the time his college aged daughters and their boyfriends come along with us. I am friends with all of them. Stuff like that i feel comfy with allowing myself to do. If you have a situation like that..maybe. If not....no.

In the OP's example, if she brought her boyfriend along, fine. I seriously think you have to be sure of a person's motives. Someone who truly only wants to be a friend will welcome your significant other, will NEVER want to do anything that would offend or not look 'right', and would welcome any and all contact with you to be as open to the significant other as possible. And sorry, I dont mean to stereotype, but some men here have even said it themselves. In the back of their minds, men can be thinking..am I gonna score?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-27-2012, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Central California
1,782 posts, read 2,217,249 times
Reputation: 1686
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
It depends. All you know when a woman invites you to a bar to drink is that she would like your company. Whether she thinks you're just a friend who would not, in a million years, the tiniest chance of kissing her (let alone anything further) or whether she thinks you're the most irresistible man she's ever met, and she's willing to drug you so she can have you sexually, you cannot possibly know.

Years ago "Jenny," a much younger woman, contacted me unexpectedly on a weekend night. She literally said she wanted a drinking buddy. Jenny was and is pretty attractive, and she did have a certain flirtatious thing about her. I didn't say no. Turns out Jenny had boyfriend issues and she just wanted advice. Mind you, although drinking was her idea, we went to a bar which I chose - a bar where we were the only customers, at the bar, with a phenomenal view to the nightline of New York City. Women love that, and I knew she liked the atmosphere.

Yet, Jenny wanted to meet me only as a friend. And at the bar, nothing happened.

Later on, as we were at another establishment, after much more alcohol was consumed, Jenny and I both lost our inhibition. By now, I was letting on that I was attracted (I sat next to her as opposed to facing her), put my arm around her, and she promptly leaned her body into mine. Next thing you know, we had to walk out because otherwise we would've made out heavily, not sitting down I might add.

Jenny and I didn't have sex that night. In fact, we never did. But my point is made. Jenny wanted to meet me as a friend, but as I look back, it became evident to me that she found me attractive, and wanted my company, and welcome my advances (because her behavior after the 2nd bar showed me she wasn't the type who'd passively and quietly sit there while a man kissed and caressed her).

More recently, I met up with a female friend, "Miriam," for the first time in 3 years. We met on a Saturday night near her place - she lives alone. Her neighborhood has a few bars within walking distance. We first had coffee at a nearby cafe, and then walked to a bar. It was dark - not the most well-lit neighborhood. The bar was empty - just us two. We barely drank. Neither one of us got drunk or buzzed - and I walked her to her place. She got her car, drove me back to my place, and that was it.

Miriam was evidently not at all interested in me sexually or otherwise. I was just a friend whom she hadn't seen in a while. Does this mean I find Miriam unattractive? On the contrary, she's gorgeous. But she had self-control - because she knew what she wanted, and she wanted NOTHING other than a nice conversation with me - and that's all she got.
This is the best response on here to the situation in question (which is probably why no one responded to it).

Women are different and it's very situational.

Generally, in my opinion, it's best to tread lightly around coworkers (ESPECIALLY married ones). Things can go very badly if you don't.

If I were him, I would go out with the girl and EXPECT to just have a good conversation and drinks, but LOOK for signs that it could be more than that. If he doesn't know what signs to look for, then he's not experienced enough to play this right....and he will f*ck it up and get into trouble. In that case, it's best that he does nothing at all.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-28-2012, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,665,070 times
Reputation: 13169
In Denmark, "cup of coffee" is a code word for sex.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-28-2012, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
8,227 posts, read 11,103,025 times
Reputation: 8198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
In Denmark, "cup of coffee" is a code word for sex.
That's good to know. If I ever travel to Denmark I'll be sure to walk up to all the hot women and ask for coffe.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top