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By love you mean big lightning bolts to the heart, where you can't eat and you can't work, and you just run off and get married and make babies. The reason you haven't felt is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me...to sell nylons. - Donald Draper, Mad Men
There is some very sage advice here. The common theme running through the threads is of the need to be happy with yourself before entering a relationship. Unfortunately, many of us are expected to be partnered by the time we hit our mid-20s - and many of us haven't had a chance to really know and be happy with our authentic self before hand.
I wish I knew that. I spent my 20s trying to be someone else and ran from my true myself.
I am in a relationship now and living as close as I have ever been to my 'authentic self'. I am not in bliss, and the relationship is annoying at times, but overall it is nice to have companionship and support. I don't think having a partner will make you complete - if you think that way, you are heading for trouble - because no-one is 100% going to fulfill your ideal of a partner should be. That soul mate you are dreaming of will leave the toilet seat up, pee on the floor, have a headache when you went sex, occasionally forget anniversaries and put on weight. Learn to love yourself before loving another - it took me almost 20 years to learn that (and I still am learning it)
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
Single people - do you think a relationship would make you happier? People in relationships - does your relationship make you happier?
I find myself thinking if I had someone that I would be happier. Not that I'm super unhappy right now, but it does feel like something is missing sometimes. Yet when I think of the time I was in a serious relationship I was constantly miserable, so being single has to be better than being in a bad relationship.
Just a general question. What are your experiences?
I personally want someone in my life who knocks me off my feet pretty much.
However to be happy and fulfilled you have to be content with yourself first and foremost. I think having a good partner only enhances happiness, not creates it.
Hmm. I don't think I look to someone else to make me happy. I know they can't. I think what I'm saying is yeah my life is good...it's a good cake. But it needs icing. Like a relationship would be the icing on my cake. Certainly good relationships do make people happier than if they were alone? If you were 100% happy alone why would anyone seek out a relationship? Because an intimate relationship DOES give you happiness that's not attainable by yourself, right?
Well that changes the nature of your original post!
If you are happy and content in your current place in life, then adding someone to share that happiness and contentedness with is fantastic. Two happy and content people working to build a life together is an amazing thing. One happy person, who is also providing another person their happiness is draining and painful and likely short term.
I'm completely content with being single. I love it. If that changes, the guy will be pretty darn special.
I was just in a three year relationship until somewhat recently. I can say that he's the only person I've ever truly loved but things just didn't work out - no one's fault, it just wasn't meant to be. I was ok with going back to being single because I'm 100% happy just being me.
For me, relationships are great the first 6 months or so
I agree with the above. Something about a new good relationship.
After around 6 months I have usually known if it was time to get out of the relationship, so continued happiness (albeit not as happy as < 6 months), or stress insued.
I also think being single is better then being in a bad relationship.
But overall, for me, being in a relationship doesn't make me happy, but it can make me happier, or more stressed, depending on which way the relationship is going.
I'll admit I like being with someone it's nice to have someone to share things with. Being single isn't bad & yes you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with some one else. Although it seems just as your getting used to being single & living alone someone seems to pop into even if your not ready for them.
As a single woman, I am pretty darn good at making myself happy. Expecting other's to make me happy will happen right about the time my border collie learns how to drive a car.
I create my own happiness
I knew you were cool. I've got two border collies and a Catahoula leopard hound
As for the OP, well... I like the companionship of a relationship, the feel of being a team with someone I consider my partner. But given that a bad relationship can make you miserable, I'm fine with being single rather than wedging myself into a situation that isn't exactly what I want (not perfect, but that meets certain criteria). Good relationships are hard to find, and I'm not into settling.
But honestly, what I really miss about having a relationship is the easy access to (good) sex. Nothing more awesome than jumping a guy as soon as he walks in the door.
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