Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You could "" all you want, but this is what I've found being on this rock called Earth for over 1/2 century.
Which is why I get irritated when another women starts another thread asking men to "show her the money", "pay for everything", "have a good job" etc etc etc. It's perpetuating a negative stereotype I hate and doesn't apply to all women (esp not me).
Which is why I get irritated when another women starts another thread asking men to "show her the money", "pay for everything", "have a good job" etc etc etc. It's perpetuating a negative stereotype I hate and doesn't apply to all women (esp not me).
I did say a "good percentage of women" meaning not all.
But I was just pointing out that women have the luxury of depending on a man for security. There was just a thread about it earlier today in fact about a woman saying she should have married for security to 'increase her tax bracket'. I'm just pointing out that such a double standard exists.
That the OP has a nest egg herself is great.
I'm not so sure it's rude. My SO lives 1000 miles away. I have a lot, she comparatively, does not. I'm retired, (she's a bit older than me) but she won't be retired for 6 years. I want to travel, but she is tied to a job. She has offered to transfer her job, to be close to me and move in with me, but wants assurances that she gets something (primarily my house) if I die before her. She says she doesn't want to be homeless. I'm worth a considerable amount, but have no intention of 'giving' a half million to someone just for living with me. I have grown kids that will split my resources and investments. She says she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with me without compensation . That's a deal breaker for me.
I am not hijacking a thread, nor am I asking for advice, but since the situations are similar, I would urge the OP to proceed with great caution. Income and lifestyle disparaties later in life can be a difficult if not impossible minefield to negotiate.
Dont think she mentioned anything about marrying this guy, why would simply dating him be an issue?
It sounds like she's contemplating the next step beyond dating. So it is wise for her to consider her the potential financial situation she could be entering. Also, while she received a divorce settlement, that doesn't mean she didn't earn it. In most circumstances, the wife defers her early career in order to raise a family or interrupts hers in order for his to advance. She is entitled to half of the assets they accumulated while married.
It's only been 4 months. How do you even know you'll still be dating this guy in 4 more months? It's hard to find a good guy who treats you well...I'm not sure I'd let him go over financial issues. I guess that depends if you are considering marriage or living together though. If you're just dating I don't see any reason why you couldn't go on trips by yourself or with friends. You can enjoy your lives together but also do your own things and not share finances.
To all of you who have responded to my post, thank you (even if I don't agree with all of you). To answer one question, we have been dating for about four months so maybe I am being premature (but I don't think so). As far as he's concerned, we already are in a relationship and all four of his kids know of me and I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner with the entire family. So, I don't think I'm being premature in thinking that he has "riding off into the sunset together" plans, whether its marriage or just cohabitation. But as one poster brought up, if things come up such as travel (overseas, not just to the Hill Country for a long weekend), I just don't believe he will have the finanacial resources to pay for such a trip. If we were together, it just wouldn't feel right to make such a trip on my own and leave him behind but at the same time, although I will comfortably well-off (not wealthy by any stretch of the immagination), it would put a seriouos bite in my finances to have to pay his way.
As things are now, he and I share costs when we do things like grocery shop together as we also sharing cooking chores. But as I mentioned previously, he lives with a family member so he doesn't even have his own living space and as I do, everything is centered around my home. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had always imagined that my retirement (post-divorce, that is) would be a shared experience with a partner who shared in the expenses fairly equally (unless I came across an obscenely wealthy man who insisted on paying for everything...LOL). I just never considered that I might meet someone who was so caring and loving but who just hadn't prepared himself for a life post-employment.
I am so conflicted...
You have two options. You can break it off now or see where the next step will lead. If you go with the latter, then you need to have the financial talk. I'd even go as far as having a prenuptial type agreement to lay out who has what and how future income and expenses are to be divided. This is especially important if you live in a common law marriage state. If he balks at this, you then have the same two options. The main thing is you don't want to be held responsible for any of his expenses (personal and business), should something go wrong. You definitely need to protect yourself, otherwise you could end up working longer and be stuck in a relationship because you can't financially afford to separate yourself.
That CAN be a problem, and I think you are smart to start thinking about it now. Are your feelings for him strong enough that supporting him won't bother you? You want to travel and he can't afford to live by himself. In all honesty, that would give ME pause.
Are either of you dating others now? Or is it a committed relationship? Do you want him all for your own; or, would you be fine with keeping him as someone you date?
My issue/problem is not something one would generally expect to find here on this forum. I am a recently-divorced woman in her 60s and I have been dating a super-nice, thoughtful, romantic guy who treats me wonderfully. I know you're all thinking, "so what's the problem?" The problem is that I am getting within a couple of years of retirement and besides making a fair salary I have received a pretty decent settlement in my divorce. Whereas the guy in question has almost no savings, is alreay mostly retired (has a small business on the side that doesn't bring in a big income) and is currently living with a family member. My problem is that I care for him a great deal but our financial positions are so different and I fear that if we were to end up together that the income disparity would be a big stumbling block. There are things I want to do such as travel, have a nice house and enjoy other leisure activities that cost some money and these are just not going to be options for him financially.
I am really torn up inside about this and don't really know what to do. On the one hand, I don't want to stop being with him but on the other, is my continuing to be with him just postponing a future breakup when we begin to have discussions about finances? If we were much younger I could dismiss this difference with the idea that he might one day be doing much better financially but this is simply not the case in this situation.
My options here seem to be these: continue on as we are and maybe the relationship will die a natural death; stop seeing him immediately as things will only get worse; or accept the fact that I will always be the one with more money and learn to deal with the disparity gracefully. Thoughts?
My prediction is a lot of men on this forum are going to attack you for putting money before love. Don't you listen to them. You have lived long enough to know that economic inequality between partners poisons relationships. Many of the men who will attack you are being hypocrites. No doubt, many of them rant and rave against "gold-digging" women all the time. It's the same basic problem--i.e one partners having more money and constantly being expected to pay for the other.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
