U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:00 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,940,203 times
Reputation: 1473

Advertisements

I've been married for 16 years. My husband is a very caring person, hard worker and great dad.

But, he has no interest in sex. We are Christians and waited until we got married to have sex. I realized something was wrong on our honeymoon. We had sex every day, but he never seemed to be very interested, almost as if he was doing it out of a sense of duty.

Over the years, I've bought countless sex manuals, beautiful lingerie, kept myself attractive and slim, all to no avail. We have three kids and conceived each in two or three tries. Once I got pregnant, sex was over for nine months. Now that we've completed our family we haven't had sex in about one year.

Whenever I ask if something is wrong, he just says he's tired and stressed. I've suggested counseling and a medical check up, but he's not interested. I would do anything in bed to please him, but he just doesn't want me.

I feel angry and resentful. I'm 40. I should be in my sexual prime, but instead I feel as if I'm sleeping with my brother. Divorce isn't an option; it would hurt my children and I don't think that having a sexless marriage is a good enough reason to get divorced from a Christian perspective.

Are any of you in a sexless marriage, but happy? Will my sexual desires eventually fade away as I get older making it easy to live without physical intimacy? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:03 PM
 
Location: Sometimes Miami sometimes Australia
1,093 posts, read 2,152,288 times
Reputation: 1051
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
I've been married for 16 years. My husband is a very caring person, hard worker and great dad.

But, he has no interest in sex. We are Christians and waited until we got married to have sex. I realized something was wrong on our honeymoon. We had sex every day, but he never seemed to be very interested, almost as if he was doing it out of a sense of duty.

Over the years, I've bought countless sex manuals, beautiful lingerie, kept myself attractive and slim, all to no avail. We have three kids and conceived each in two or three tries. Once I got pregnant, sex was over for nine months. Now that we've completed our family we haven't had sex in about one year.

Whenever I ask if something is wrong, he just says he's tired and stressed. I've suggested counseling and a medical check up, but he's not interested. I would do anything in bed to please him, but he just doesn't want me.

I feel angry and resentful. I'm 40. I should be in my sexual prime, but instead I feel as if I'm sleeping with my brother. Divorce isn't an option; it would hurt my children and I don't think that having a sexless marriage is a good enough reason to get divorced from a Christian perspective.

Are any of you in a sexless marriage, but happy? Will my sexual desires eventually fade away as I get older making it easy to live without physical intimacy? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Forgive me I'm not making light of your situation (as many here will undoubtedly do) but when I hear of these situations I always suspect the husband is gay. Perhaps he married you (being a Christian himself) to cover his sexuality. Have you had any signs he might like the same sex? What are his hobbies? Does he spend alot of time alone outside the house? Tell me and I can pretty much predict either way

I've heard this story many, many MANY times from men who were gay but married anyway. I once held support group meetings for gay married men and this was the story you'd hear over and over again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:04 PM
 
Location: FL
1,717 posts, read 2,429,215 times
Reputation: 1839
I don't think so. You should explain to him you have desires and needs and to put it bluntly he's being selfish.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Tampa, Florida
666 posts, read 930,501 times
Reputation: 525
Opinion from an asexual guy: as per your description, it looks to me your husband is an asexual romantic, did he ever tell you about the issue? If not, if he thinks he is a sexual man, it would be good to seek some help from professionals and see what is happening. I don't see any reason based on your description that your husband could be cheating on you, so let's discard that. Now, if you are Christians, maybe you can try both to focus on the spiritual things, and combined with the help from professionals try to find a happy medium.

I see many asexual-sexual marriage have the same problem, as an aromantic guy I feel good I won't do this to a sexual woman, but sometimes confusion can make some people make serious mistakes. If you don't want to divorce, then better find other things and give priority to, after all you won't die for not having the amount of sex you desire.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Tampa, Florida
666 posts, read 930,501 times
Reputation: 525
Quote:
Originally Posted by tropical87 View Post
Forgive me I'm not making light of your situation (as many here will undoubtedly do) but when I hear of these situations I always suspect the husband is gay. Perhaps he married you (being a Christian himself) to cover his sexuality. Have you had any signs he might like the same sex? What are his hobbies? Does he spend alot of time alone outside the house?
Not necessarily. Question to the OP: does your husband get "nervous" around other men? Does he display female attitudes? If the answer is no, then no, he is not gay.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:12 PM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,458 posts, read 10,869,519 times
Reputation: 7783
Not that important, theres always self pleasure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:12 PM
 
Location: Sometimes Miami sometimes Australia
1,093 posts, read 2,152,288 times
Reputation: 1051
Quote:
Originally Posted by espizarro View Post
Not necessarily. Question to the OP: does your husband get "nervous" around other men? Does he display female attitudes? If the answer is no, then no, he is not gay.
And you call other people ignorant!

What are 'female attitudes'? Wanting to share a panty wardrobe with his wife? Let me assure you, gay married men are those who cover their tracks well, NOONE would know - they have to do it well for not even their wife to know. I've met gay married men who were more masculine the word itself
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Rutherfordton,NC
11,095 posts, read 7,585,916 times
Reputation: 8142
[quote=LisaMc46;27146027]I've been married for 16 years. My husband is a very caring person, hard worker and great dad.

But, he has no interest in sex. We are Christians and waited until we got married to have sex. I realized something was wrong on our honeymoon. We had sex every day, but he never seemed to be very interested, almost as if he was doing it out of a sense of duty.

[quote]


THIS is why you try it BEFORE you buy it! Religion aside this could be the end of what sounds like a great marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Sometimes Miami sometimes Australia
1,093 posts, read 2,152,288 times
Reputation: 1051
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz View Post
Not that important, theres always self pleasure.
Or she could just cheat on the side. I cant think of a better way to pep-up a trip to the grocery store
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-29-2012, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Sometimes Miami sometimes Australia
1,093 posts, read 2,152,288 times
Reputation: 1051
To the OP - Have you tried Oysters? Or Spanish Flies?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top