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Why is it always a man's job to be the conversation artist that keeps a female entertained? If there were a role reversal and a female was forced to be the conversation artist, I wonder how well she would do?
In this specific example, he was trying to chat up an employee in the course of her job duties It's not her job to initiate conversation with him because he's desperate for a date.
I feel hopeless at times myself. Yeah, bartenders aren't normally the type that will give you a chance. Yeah, they will be nice to you and treat you like they care for you, but that is their job. Of course, there are exceptions, but don't count on it. Go to the bar to enjoy yourself, not to hook up. (I'm telling myself)
My friend (and I myself) has this strange luck where if he is not looking for a woman, they all just throw themselves at him.
I had a great day at work today and I hope those positive feelings would translate to maybe some success tonight with the ladies. I went out and was talking to this bartender at a very small local bar (only maybe 15 of us there so it's like she was getting hit on much at all)....Anyways, I tried as hard as I could to make something happen and we had a bit of pleasant conversation at the beginning, but I just hit a complete wall at one point and the whole thing was dead before it even started. I couldn't think of anything to say, she wouldn't start any conversation (typical situation with women where you have to do absolutely everything in the dating world to make anything happen)
I just can't get away from my feelings of being hopeless. I talked in my other thread of finding somebody overseas and what not, but it just drives me nuts being single without even any prospects day after day after day. I've been wanting somebody for soooo long. I just can't keep being forever alone like this and killing myself
Dude SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!
I'm not saying this to be condescending or snarky but if you think about ending your life just because you can't find a GF well I have to say something is wrong with this. All this time on CD could be used talking to a license professional as to why you've become so "codependent" on women to be happy. Everyone else here is right, desperation is more of a repellent than anything. The thing is though no one here can understand your obsessive desire to be with someone. To us it might not be that serious but to you it's serious to the point of either you find a girlfriend or die. Because many of us here can't understand such a strong desire and obsession we really can't help you because we can't understand why some people think this way. Yeah I'll probably get flagged by the anti-therapy or anti-psychiatry crowd for mentioning this but man when it gets to this point you need to exhaust every option before considering taking your life because once you do there's no turning back.
Bartenders will flirt to get tips, its like strippers, they'll always say that the dont have a boyfriend and they'll always try their hardest to make you feel attractive and that you have a chance.
She wasn't really doing that, this was a small bar with VERY few people so I doubt she gets hit on much at all
We had a bit of pleasant conversation and that was it. I just hit a wall and couldn't go any further (mentally)
Quote:
Dont take it personally. She might even want to date you, but there are not enough days in the year for her to date all the drunk men who hit on her.
I don't get more than buzzed (and it's impossible to tell anyways - I just get super chill when I drink) and I'm better than 95% of the guys approaching her in just about every way anyways.
Most of the guys I see approaching women at places like this are f*cking losers - average looking, chubby, no style, no confidence, no energy in their presence
This bartender was below me in every "standards" kind of way. She was not as good looking as me, not as fit as me, earns 1/3rd my income, has no college degree, etc... etc... etc... It's not like I'm going for women who are celebrities. I can't even remember the last time I've approached women who were out of my league in anything. I'm not saying that I'm superior to these women (or superior to anybody) but talking about lowering my standards is ridiculous
Oh wait, I forgot. She's a woman and I'm a man so she's automatically above me in league
Dude, its pointless getting mad over something like this. You could always find fulfillment elsewhere.
This sounds real messed up for me to say, and I say this as a joke because its funny; but if you were to die tomorrow never having sex, and all your female friends knew this would happen, they still wouldn't sleep with you. They'd reject you, and let you die a virgin first. You just have to learn to laugh at such facts of life.
On a more serious note, you can't depend on anyone else to make your life happy. Most people suck and will leave you feeling disappointed. Learn to love yourself and maybe some good will come your way.
This bartender was below me in every "standards" kind of way. She was not as good looking as me, not as fit as me, earns 1/3rd my income, has no college degree, etc... etc... etc... It's not like I'm going for women who are celebrities. I can't even remember the last time I've approached women who were out of my league in anything. I'm not saying that I'm superior to these women (or superior to anybody) but talking about lowering my standards is ridiculous
Oh wait, I forgot. She's a woman and I'm a man so she's automatically above me in league
I'm not saying this to be condescending or snarky but if you think about ending your life just because you can't find a GF well I have to say something is wrong with this. All this time on CD could be used talking to a license professional as to why you've become so "codependent" on women to be happy. Everyone else here is right, desperation is more of a repellent than anything. The thing is though no one here can understand your obsessive desire to be with someone. To us it might not be that serious but to you it's serious to the point of either you find a girlfriend or die. Because many of us here can't understand such a strong desire and obsession we really can't help you because we can't understand why some people think this way. Yeah I'll probably get flagged by the anti-therapy or anti-psychiatry crowd for mentioning this but man when it gets to this point you need to exhaust every option before considering taking your life because once you do there's no turning back.
I never said I'm going to kill myself. It's just that being so lonely is just sucking the soul out of me
I have very high aspirations in life...I won't allow anything to stop that
The reality is that it just seems more and more that I'm going to have to go back home to Armenia to get myself a wife. I am looking at the barrel of probably 4 or 5 more years of being forever alone and that really sucks
I never said I'm going to kill myself. It's just that being so lonely is just sucking the soul out of me
I have very high aspirations in life...I won't allow anything to stop that
The reality is that it just seems more and more that I'm going to have to go back home to Armenia to get myself a wife. I am looking at the barrel of probably 4 or 5 more years of being forever alone and that really sucks
4 or 5 years goes a lot faster than you think. I look back at 4 years ago and it feels like yesterday.
I'm not saying this to be condescending or snarky but if you think about ending your life just because you can't find a GF well I have to say something is wrong with this. All this time on CD could be used talking to a license professional as to why you've become so "codependent" on women to be happy. Everyone else here is right, desperation is more of a repellent than anything. The thing is though no one here can understand your obsessive desire to be with someone. To us it might not be that serious but to you it's serious to the point of either you find a girlfriend or die. Because many of us here can't understand such a strong desire and obsession we really can't help you because we can't understand why some people think this way. Yeah I'll probably get flagged by the anti-therapy or anti-psychiatry crowd for mentioning this but man when it gets to this point you need to exhaust every option before considering taking your life because once you do there's no turning back.
^^^This, to the part I bolded.
From other posts by the OP, he wants a GF but doesn't put himself out there to actually have opportunities to meet women because he works a lot and is tired and goes home afterward, and has other interests on weekends. This is where his first problem lies.
Yesterday he walked into a relatively empty bar, and because he's desperate, decides to zero in on what was perhaps the only female there. He justified approaching her because no one else was hitting on her. This screams of desperation, of "there's a woman, she'll do...wait, why isn't she responding the way I want because I'm trying to hit on her? I'm doomed and my life is worthless because this random woman who is working in the same location as I am having a drink isn't giving me the time of day, despite my attempts to make her talk to me." This is where his second problem lies, since it doesn't mention if he was even attracted to her, but rather that she was living and breathing so might as well see what he could get.
As far as I can see, he created his own failure in this situation and is trying to absolve himself of the blame for his lousy decision. Putting a little more thought into your actions and not viewing women as inanimate objects to be obtained might be a good place to start.
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