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I figured I'd try to post my situation for an audience not made up of people that know either one of us.
I met this guy a couple of months ago, and we have tons in common. We've been hanging out pretty much almost every weekend. At first, I totally tried to keep it casual and not develop feelings for him. When we met, he told me about this girl that's working elsewhere until next summer, but then she's coming back. He said that they were friends, but it's a weird situation. I accepted that. As time has gone on, i found out he has pretty strong feelings for her, but she had started dating some other guy, although apparently that has now ended.
Anyway, I'd say about a month in to this mess, I realized, hey, I have a crush on this guy and that kind of sucks. Strangely, a couple days later, he took it upon himself to start making out with me, however, he then claimed that he didn't remember it thanks to too much beer. One night shortly after that I got fed up and wrote him a message in the middle of the night saying that I like him and I couldn't be around him if he wasn't going to be clear with me about what he wants regarding me or this other girl. Rather than replying to me by saying "hey, i don't feel that way about you. we still friends?" it ended up being more like "sorry if i was sending any signals but hey let's go on a road trip! oh yeah, i'm going to start calling you all the time and keep you on the phone for an hour in the middle of the night. and i'm going to continue to invite you out all the time, and accidentally kiss you and say i don't remember it. but i still won't be clear about how i feel."
The other night one of my best guy friends was in town and he apparently confronted this guy that I like, asking him about our relationship. Guy I like told my friend that we're good friends, and my friend said that the guy i like needed to tell me that. And the guy I like said that we had that conversation, which I don't really feel like we did, because his response in the last month has been what I noted above.
Here's the problem. I really can't deal with being around him because of the way I feel. I hate it because we do have an enjoyable time together, and it's my fault that I'm allowing my feelings to get in the way. The question is, should I dump him as my friend? And if that's a good idea, how the hell am I supposed to do it? Just ignore his phone calls without an explanation until he gets the hint? (I'd really hate to do that because I've had plenty of people just stop talking to me and it's so painful.) Or should I explain things in a basic "it's not you, it's me" context? Should I just give it a little more time to see what happens? I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for any advice you guys might have. I realize this all sounds so junior high.
I think that in this case, you should cut him out of your life. You have too many feelings for him and he already has a girlfriend. The longer you hang out with him, the more you will hurt. Find someone else to spend time with. I don't like that he doesn't remember kissing you when he was drunk. Either he blacked it out from drinking too much or he's lying to you. And both scenarios are bad news. And don't let him use you in a FWB situation. You deserve much better treatment than that. Be strong.
After being in a couple of these "messes" (quite a while ago, but, funny they stay basically the same thru the years...), a wise friend got me to think about being more "discriminating" in who I spent time with. It was an eye-opener for me. Over the years, I've learned to value myself and my time on this earth, and to try to hang with quality people. You deserve the same quality in your life!!
I'm thinking that this person doesn't really sound like a friend, anyway, by definition a real friend is someone who treats you a lot better than this...so there may not be any actual friendship worth worrying about. As to how you do it - no need for a big explosion or drama - just be "busy" the next couple of times he calls and let him get the sense that you've moved on to a more positive/hopeful situation (i.e. you valuing yourself!!).
If he demands an explanation, share your feelings in a genuine way. It's all about self-respect, and if he doesn't get it, you've got confirmation that he wasn't a friend, after all. Best of luck to you!!
I figured I'd try to post my situation for an audience not made up of people that know either one of us.
I met this guy a couple of months ago, and we have tons in common. We've been hanging out pretty much almost every weekend. At first, I totally tried to keep it casual and not develop feelings for him. When we met, he told me about this girl that's working elsewhere until next summer, but then she's coming back. He said that they were friends, but it's a weird situation. I accepted that. As time has gone on, i found out he has pretty strong feelings for her, but she had started dating some other guy, although apparently that has now ended.
Anyway, I'd say about a month in to this mess, I realized, hey, I have a crush on this guy and that kind of sucks. Strangely, a couple days later, he took it upon himself to start making out with me, however, he then claimed that he didn't remember it thanks to too much beer. One night shortly after that I got fed up and wrote him a message in the middle of the night saying that I like him and I couldn't be around him if he wasn't going to be clear with me about what he wants regarding me or this other girl. Rather than replying to me by saying "hey, i don't feel that way about you. we still friends?" it ended up being more like "sorry if i was sending any signals but hey let's go on a road trip! oh yeah, i'm going to start calling you all the time and keep you on the phone for an hour in the middle of the night. and i'm going to continue to invite you out all the time, and accidentally kiss you and say i don't remember it. but i still won't be clear about how i feel."
The other night one of my best guy friends was in town and he apparently confronted this guy that I like, asking him about our relationship. Guy I like told my friend that we're good friends, and my friend said that the guy i like needed to tell me that. And the guy I like said that we had that conversation, which I don't really feel like we did, because his response in the last month has been what I noted above.
Here's the problem. I really can't deal with being around him because of the way I feel. I hate it because we do have an enjoyable time together, and it's my fault that I'm allowing my feelings to get in the way. The question is, should I dump him as my friend? And if that's a good idea, how the hell am I supposed to do it? Just ignore his phone calls without an explanation until he gets the hint? (I'd really hate to do that because I've had plenty of people just stop talking to me and it's so painful.) Or should I explain things in a basic "it's not you, it's me" context? Should I just give it a little more time to see what happens? I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for any advice you guys might have. I realize this all sounds so junior high.
Well, you have answered your own question. Do not be around him them. Just because a man makes out with you does not mean that he is interested in a relationship. He did it because the opportunity was there. He remains friends with you in case the "opportunity" should arise again. Now you are bonded with him and it hurts to be around him. So don't. Don't be around him. Do not see, touch, taste, or smell him. Cut him out completely and put your energy into finding someone else who is open and available and interested in being in a committed relationship with you. Spending time with this "friend" of yours is only going to make it that much harder for you to find your next true boyfriend.
I think that you are hoping that one day he will change his mind and what to date you instead of just being friends. Well I don't think that it's going to happen with you just spending time being his friend. If anything, you should stop seeing him because you are too familiar to him and he knows that you have deeper feelings for him. Staying away from him will cause him to rethink his feelings for you. Meanwhile, you should hang out with some different people in order to clear your head and your heart. Also think about giving yourself a mini makeover like changing your haircut. Give yourself a little pizzazz and style. At some point, you will bump into him by accident and he will see you in a different light.
Men like to be able to chase their women. So if you aren't readily available to him, he will respect you more and maybe even want you for a girlfriend.
But stay being his friend, and the best you will end up with is a FWB situation. Sure you can eventually get him into bed, but highly doubtful that he will fall in love with you as things stand now.
And maybe you are liking him a lot because he is safe and isn't chasing you around for sex, and the dating scene is scary these days.
It sounds like you are too nice and reasonable. Time to start acting more selfish and demanding. lol
yeah, I'm pretty sure the me being too nice thing is a large part of the problem.
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), a wise friend got me to think about being more "discriminating" in who I spent time with. It was an eye-opener for me. Over the years, I've learned to value myself and my time on this earth, and to try to hang with quality people. You deserve the same quality in your life!! 
Time to move on...
