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These are the discussions you have prior to getting married. I find it absolutely bizarre that someone would be concerning themselves about this after getting married, especially an older person.
OP I have no advice for you, I'm sorry but you should have been a bit more assertive about discussing the tough topics like money. I would probably drop the matter and just continue living like you are, it's not as if he's starving and beating you. Once you get a job again maybe then you could broach the subject.
Again the simple solution is to carry adequate life insurance on him, naming her as a the beneficiary. She could even pay for it, if she had a job.....
3x annual earnings
Yes you may spend $600 - $1,200 a year on it
How is that a simple solution. That assumes he can even get life insurance(not always a guarantee in your fifties), and that he doesn't have any preexisting health conditions that an insurance company will reject him for.
Let's say 3x his annual earnings is $200K....I think your figures for premiums are low.....especially if it was whole life.
I think I kind of started this thread the wrong way, it's not the insurance or security that I am concerned about it's being not treated like a family member. Feels like more of a casual friendship.
But it wasn't always like this. When we got married he didn't tell his family until months after because he didn't know how they would react. Guess what, they reacted just fine. I still don't think his kids know.
I think I kind of started this thread the wrong way, it's not the insurance or security that I am concerned about it's being not treated like a family member. Feels like more of a casual friendship.
But it wasn't always like this. When we got married he didn't tell his family until months after because he didn't know how they would react. Guess what, they reacted just fine. I still don't think his kids know.
It's the constant secrets that really bother me.
Then worry less about deeds and policies, and more about being involved in family functions.
Why would a grown man be worried (or even care) about what his family thinks of his love interests? Are you someone they would not approve of, i.e. different economic class, different race, different culture, tarnished background, etc.? Is he widowed from someone they thought was irreplaceable?
No same everything no tarnished background. I was divorced, he was divorced. His kids are older ages 18 and 23, and his ex-wife remarried. I don't think his family was particuarly close to her. His sister and father don't even seem to be close to his kids either. Bit of a strange family dynamic. I met his sister a few times, she was cordial to me. His father lives out of state, met him once and his step-mother liked me.
There are no family functions to attend or I would be involved.
Anyway, guess for the time being I will accept things for what they are.
OP, you have valid concerns, and you have a right to decide for yourself whether or not you want to put up with it--not just "accept it" because people say so. Some people are being unnecessarily judgmental. One can offer their advice without assuming or accusing the person of greedy, gold-digging tendencies, or reminding them "shoulda,coulda,woulda" when it's obviously not going to help now.
You don't need to justify yourself. You know yourself and your situation better than anyone else here.
Last edited by LexWest; 12-04-2012 at 11:28 AM..
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