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I thought like that when I was married. I was constantly miserable. It was one thing after another. I wanted to leave but I was scared. Scared of ending up alone or leaving and regretting it, so I get why people don't leave even though I think they rationally know they should. It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Sometimes when I feel upset about being single I remember being in a bad relationship is a million times worse than being single. I don't think I did believe that I deserved better and sometimes I still don't. It sucks.
If I could give you a hug, I would. Sometimes you don't even have to be treated poorly to be miserable, just not be compatible with the person. I went through the whole 'pedestal' thing after the break up where it's like I forgot every crappy thing that had happened. Sometimes I still catch myself doing it. Such a friggin process
I thought like that when I was married. I was constantly miserable. It was one thing after another. I wanted to leave but I was scared. Scared of ending up alone or leaving and regretting it, so I get why people don't leave even though I think they rationally know they should. It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Sometimes when I feel upset about being single I remember being in a bad relationship is a million times worse than being single. I don't think I did believe that I deserved better and sometimes I still don't. It sucks.
The only time I can see someone being 'scared of being alone' is if they wanted children and even that can be solved with adoption or sperm donor etc. But other than that, no, I don't really 'get' it.
If he was mistreating you, then you deserved better then that jerk, but if you stayed IMO you can't complain about the treatment (you didn't stay, but I'm just saying). These women keep getting exasperated when he doesn't 'change,' so they stick around another 5 years to see when or if that's going to come to pass. What a waste of time. There is a quote by maya angelou that I like: "The first time someone shows you who they are, beleive them." It is probably a good thing to keep in mind and also good that you think about how bad it was before so you don't fall into that trap again out of desperation or fear.
The only time I can see someone being 'scared of being alone' is if they wanted children and even that can be solved with adoption or sperm donor etc. But other than that, no, I don't really 'get' it.
If he was mistreating you, then you deserved better then that jerk, but if you stayed IMO you can't complain about the treatment (you didn't stay, but I'm just saying). These women keep getting exasperated when he doesn't 'change,' so they stick around another 5 years to see when or if that's going to come to pass. What a waste of time. There is a quote by maya angelou that I like: "The first time someone shows you who they are, beleive them." It is probably a good thing to keep in mind and also good that you think about how bad it was before so you don't fall into that trap again out of desperation or fear.
I really like that quote. I think people are scared of the unknown in general. You can apply it to just about anything. A lot of people hate their jobs but they stay and stay. They would rather be miserable than face the unknown because yes, they are miserable, but at least they know what to expect when they get out of bed everyday. I think that's why people stay in bad relationships as well. They are scared.
I know people who get out of relationships and seek out another one the very next day. It may not make sense, but there are a lot of people out there who are terrified to not have a SO. I try hard not to fall into that trap and to practice what your quote says but it's difficult. It shouldn't be but it is. Especially when someone acts so wonderful at the beginning, and then their true colors come out. You want to believe the first person is who they really are.
Kiki, i hope you find a good honest man. One who will love you & cherish you, watch over you & respect you, who you can always have loving communication with.
I think accepting what we think we deserve depends on a person's level of how well they know themselves, insight.
If people start to see what attracts them may be a mirror image or reflection of their parents' marriage or relationship, some people internalize what they know to be true, and think "it is what it is."
Some people don't know that there are different types of relationships that can bring out various aspects of oneself e.g., polar opposites, birds of the same feather, people bonding through common interests verses pragmatism.
Sometimes, it's not necessarily that people think they deserve certain types of relationships. It's just that they've been conditioned and socialized into accepting certain roles or unstated rules of society to be a part of their own reality in romantic commitments.
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