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My ex of two years dumped me at school Friday after claiming to be unhappy. I know we're young, I'm 17 and she's 16, but accidentally of course we have a 7 month old daughter and have been through things married couples go through. I won't bore you with all the details because I really want some help. She's been talking to some guy she met on Thanksgiving and has been talking nonstop. She is emotionless about the break up and acts like nothing is wrong while I'm devastated. She told me Saturday how I might have another chance and everything and got my hopes up then Sunday she was hanging out with that guy alone ALL day doing who knows what. Two days after we broke up. She has him and her and her phone background and everything. She acts like nothing is wrong at all but we loved each other so much and I know she did.
Could she really have moved on so quickly?
Is she trying to make me jealous?
Oh, and most of it was because I made a mistake a long time ago by flirting with a few girls on Facebook last year and she found out and she always claims we never do anything with each other. My parents and her mom says she wants the attention, but I'm a total wreck and don't know what to do. I'm really scared she moved on but its only been a few days and she acts like nothing is wrong at all. I think I messed up, too, somewhat begging back for her and telling her I'd change a few days ago but I think that just pushed her farther away.
Please, please give me some advice. I just gave the bare minimum if there's any questions feel free to ask.
Last edited by mars to sirius; 12-05-2012 at 12:21 PM..
Reason: details
You're hurting, and I'm sorry but trust me when I say that we all know how you feel. It sucks. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel any better at this point. You honestly have to ride it out, be sad, feel like crap, and eventually you'll get angry and go through a whole new host of emotions. It's a rollercoaster. You can't just turn off your feelings like a lightswitch.
What I'm going to say may sound harsh but unfortunately it's true. It sounds like she started to disengage in your relationship long before you guys actually broke up. Things may have seemed normal on the surface but in reality, she was mentally and emotionally preparing herself to be without you. This is why she seems to be ok about the breakup. I guarantee you that she's sad too, on some level, but she's already prepared herself to move on.
Begging her to take you back won't work, it's unattractive and will probably annoy her. If she does take you back because you keep begging, she'll be doing it for the wrong reasons. You need to hold your head high and not beg, or even have any unnecessary contact with her or her family while you go through this. I understand some contact will be necessary because of your child, obviously you didn't give details about visitation and that sort of thing but you need to try as hard as you can to keep the conversations to be about your child and not about getting back to together, who she's dating, whether or not she misses you... those sorts of things. Maybe one of your parents or a good friend can be with you if you have to pick up your child or drop it off, just for support and to make sure the visits are kept efficient and don't end in you pouring out your emotions.
Will you get back together? Maybe, maybe not. You can't hang on to the hope of getting back together because while it could happen, it also may not and giving yourself false hope in that area doesn't allow you to let go and move on. The best thing is to keep yourself busy, seek your friends and family for support - preferably not mutual friends that will run back to her and tell her every detail of what you've said/how you feel. Don't try to find out what she's doing, who she's with - when the temptation rises, tell yourself "It really doesn't matter and knowing doesn't make a difference or make it any easier/better."
A breakup is a process, not an event. It'll be hard, no one will tell you different.
TIme to move on, my friend. She may want you on a backburner, in case things with the new guy dont workout, but even if it were the case, she would never ever respect you as a man again, if you let her do this to you. Best to get her out of your life now and find a new girl. Take care of yourself and your child.
I agree totally with Kimbo28. They've given you the best advice there is for your age! Move forward now. You can do it. Many people have been through what you're going through and life does go on. Wishing you the best!
Oh, and most of it was because I made a mistake a long time ago by flirting with a few girls on Facebook last year and she found out and she always claims we never do anything with each other. My parents and her mom says she wants the attention, but I'm a total wreck and don't know what to do. I'm really scared she moved on but its only been a few days and she acts like nothing is wrong at all. I think I messed up, too, somewhat begging back for her and telling her I'd change a few days ago but I think that just pushed her farther away.
Please, please give me some advice. I just gave the bare minimum if there's any questions feel free to ask.
We don't have enough info to go on, but it sounds like you neglected her and the relationship. If she means this much to you, why were you flirting with other girls? You told her you'd change, so clearly you knew there were issues in the relationship, but you didn't do anything about it, back when it would have made a difference. Now it's too late. All you can do is take it as a learning experience.
Hopefully, you also learned something about using birth control consistently and effectively.
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