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At this point, I think my problem is clear cut into 2 different issues
A)I hate approaching because I have this idea in my head that women don't really have any interest in meeting men and 95% of them are taken anyways. I hate awkwardness
That's called a limiting belief. The only way to get over it is to prove to yourself that it's not true. You'll do that by approaching a lot.
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B)I have difficulty being myself because I am so desperate
I need to find a way to attack both issues. If I could just find a way to approach a decent number of women and act myself, romantic relationships will naturally arise as you say
I disagree with the "just be yourself" advice. If a guy's natural personality doesn't attract women, he needs to change it.
And, yes, you can change your personality if you want to. Observe guys that get girls and do what they do until you find your own style.
Wow, I am really impressed by the level of honesty on here, and the kind, constructive comments you guys are giving one another.
I am a woman-- one who gets approached a lot by guys who act like smooth talking idiots as well as those who are honestly just grasping for something to say. I have to say this: NO ONE is undateable. Everyone has something to offer. If women are laughing at you, they suck. Its not you. Its really them. Cruelty is never acceptable, even if you aren't interested.
Its so nice to hear that many of you are trying to figure out the root of the problems and how to fix it. This is what the women who will make worthwhile partners are looking for.
That's so right! The one thing that I learned about "confident guys" is that they get rejected too! It's all about HOW you handle it. You could mope about it, or you can get out there and try again, but at the end of the day, no guy gets EVERY woman they talk to, guys may make it seem that way, but remember looks can be deceiving.
and women don't have to overcome shyness, social-anxiety, social-awkwardness, insecurity like men do, women don't have to do as much self-improvement, they don't have to "better themselves" as much as men do, it pisses me off, it always will on how life, society, hold men to higher standards than women do, a woman just has to have a "vagina" in order to be a woman, but in order for a man to be worthy of being called a "man" he has to have more than just a penis
and women don't have to overcome shyness, social-anxiety, social-awkwardness, insecurity like men do, women don't have to do as much self-improvement, they don't have to "better themselves" as much as men do, it pisses me off, it always will on how life, society, hold men to higher standards than women do, a woman just has to have a "vagina" in order to be a woman, but in order for a man to be worthy of being called a "man" he has to have more than just a penis
You do realize, don't you, that women say much the same thing; men have it so easy, women have to spend so much money on clothes, make-up, the gym, while all the guys have to do is show up? Guys can get by in jeans and a T-shirt, while women have to dress to the nines for events, blah blah?
and women don't have to overcome shyness, social-anxiety, social-awkwardness, insecurity like men do, women don't have to do as much self-improvement, they don't have to "better themselves" as much as men do, it pisses me off, it always will on how life, society, hold men to higher standards than women do, a woman just has to have a "vagina" in order to be a woman, but in order for a man to be worthy of being called a "man" he has to have more than just a penis
Why do men complain that women have standards?
You should strive to be accomplished, educated and successful regardless of dating or not dating. How is that a bad thing?
You do realize, don't you, that women say much the same thing; men have it so easy, women have to spend so much money on clothes, make-up, the gym, while all the guys have to do is show up? Guys can get by in jeans and a T-shirt, while women have to dress to the nines for events, blah blah?
Come on now. You act like women don't enjoy that stuff. He's right. A woman can generally get away with being shy, or even having very low self-esteem, yet still find a partner. A man with similar issues is going to have huge problems and is frowned upon more.
and women don't have to overcome shyness, social-anxiety, social-awkwardness, insecurity like men do, women don't have to do as much self-improvement, they don't have to "better themselves" as much as men do, it pisses me off, it always will on how life, society, hold men to higher standards than women do, a woman just has to have a "vagina" in order to be a woman, but in order for a man to be worthy of being called a "man" he has to have more than just a penis
Women make you so angry don't they. Are you feeling violent again? Is it safe for you to be around people?
My advice is to work on your social skills...which means starting and having conversations with people who are not on your dating radar (men, old women, etc). It can be as simple as purchasing a product in a store and talking to the salesperson in light conversation. It will train you to be 'natural' when talking to people.
Start slow to 'retrain' your brain to interact with society.
How about going to a high end store in a mall like a Nordstroms and find a cute sales girl and start a conversation with her. Tell her you're looking for a nice shirt and that you have a date and want to impress the chick.....even if you dont actually purchase a shirt, you can conversate with a cute girl who might really want to help you look snazzy for your date. Make small talk and this type of thing will help you interact with hot chicks and since you're not hitting on her and she knows you're not hitting on her, that takes all the pressure off the situation and you can have a normal conversation with a normal chick...its a good way to get started, to break out of your shell.
As far as your 'strong connection' goes i think you need to really find a strong connection with YOURSELF. Start by working on your self pride and self worth because until you have that, any strong connection you have with a girl isnt going to have a happy ending if you're still lacking any kind of self esteem.
I'm proud of you for coming on here and talking about this, i think that's the first step, you are actively trying to break out of the doldrums and you have to start somewhere.....step away from the laptop and go out in society and start interacting with people, put on a happy face and work on your social game.
As someone in a similar situation to the OP (how I found this forum and thread, hi by the way folks) there are some great replies on here including this one above. First decent advice I have found on this subject, kudos to all the positive repliers.
Well for me, I wouldn't say it directly contributed, but the spillover effects certainly exacerbated the issue.
In middle school, I was forced to confess an infatuation as I had accidentally let slip a friend's crush also. The manner I did so was in an email where I apologized for the infatuation and stated it was most likely the result of hormones and only temporary.
Needless to say, I was rejected and I did have myself a good sob in the shower the day after if my memory served me correctly.
However, this experience, my general social awkwardness, coupled with awkward family situations and my poor self image pushed me into avoiding contact with the opposite sex during High School, which led me to have no experience at all going into College (which did wonders for my prospects there I assure you). While at college, said lack of inexperience , poor self image, and busy schedule also put me on arrested development until I graduated, where again, lack of inexperience , poor self image, and busy schedule leads to where I am today, a 25 year old virgin with literally 0 dating experience.
So while I wouldn't say I was scarred by the middle school rejection, the unfortunate ancillary events that it lead to certainly f-d me up.
At this point, if it wasn't for the fact that seeing escorts is illegal, I would go see one just to get it over with.
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