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Who is the one that will take the kids and pick them up from daycare each day and who is the one that will be taking time off work for sick kids and dr. appointments? These are things that will limit the position she is able to take. Are you willing to cut back your work hours and availability to take on some of that responsibility.
Working 3 out of 5 years while carrying and birthing two kids is nothing to sneeze at. Im not sure why you are pressuring her to get a high paying full time job soon out of school with 3 years work exp. and two kids. Its a tough job market out there.
I will be the one who does that most of the time, mainly because I'm the one who has a vehicle to do so (my wife doesn't have one but she does have a license). That goes without saying. The teaching professional is very difficult to just take off when you want to and I have been well aware of this and have dealt with this with our oldest child. I have a much more stable job, I have more leave and work an alternate schedule to take our children to appointments. That even happens now. I'm not sure what this has to do with the topic. Like anything with parenting, you have to find a way to make it all work. I get the feeling from some of the comments, that I'm being perceived as one of these fathers/husbands who complains but doesn't do anything to help. My wife would be the first one to tell you, I'm extremely involved. And no I'm not pressuring her to get a high paying job. If you believe that is my motivation then you haven't understand what my real issue is.
I think the issue in its entirety is whether being a SAHM is feasible with their financial situation in the area that they currently live in which as a fellow resident I can vouch is a very high COL area.
Thank you for bringing some sanity to this conversation. It is starting to feel like this is turning into a feminist/male bashing party. People are not even trying understand my point, they just see the title and just assume I'm being unreasonable and don't care what she goes through.
If she was planning on being a stay at home mom why rack up huge amounts of college debt? You guys are going to be living hand to mouth for along time now.
She didn't really plan on being a stay at home mom. I think she has had some bad experiences as a teacher and combining that with being a mother makes her apprehensive about the type of job she takes. I definitely understand why she feels that way but it's not realistic considering our current situation. That's why I suggested conceding staying in this region and moving to a less COL place until we are more situated with our debt situation.
What age group did she teach? Would she consider working in a daycare? That would resolve the issue of having to find daycare for the kids and also I've found that daycares are often more flexible with their schedules. My step mom is a teacher now, but ran a preschool for several years while her children were still very young.
Thank you for bringing some sanity to this conversation. It is starting to feel like this is turning into a feminist/male bashing party. People are not even trying understand my point, they just see the title and just assume I'm being unreasonable and don't care what she goes through.
I understand what you are saying. Believe me, my husband works full-time but also contributes to the "boots on the ground" approach that is required in parenting. He used to get offended when other dads talked about "babysitting" their kids as if they are not the parent also.
I have gone back and forth as a WAHM, SAHM and working mom, and they all have trade-offs. Once when we were calculating how much life insurance to buy for me and my husband, our financial advisor calculated that my husband would need to pay at least two people more than $100K per year (total) to do what I do as a SAHM. As you know, working + paying child care is NOT always the best option.
She didn't really plan on being a stay at home mom. I think she has had some bad experiences as a teacher and combining that with being a mother makes her apprehensive about the type of job she takes. I definitely understand why she feels that way but it's not realistic considering our current situation. That's why I suggested conceding staying in this region and moving to a less COL place until we are more situated with our debt situation.
You know many people in the greatest generation worked jobs they weren't particularly fond of so that they could support their families and get by.
Just because she had some bad experiences, doesn't mean the career path isn't desirable... I mean she spent probably Six figures in student loans getting the degree right?
-- Edit just had a thought - She could be a nanny for other's kids and still be able to take care of yours at the same time. Easy money right there, but throw the idea out there and see if she is just blowing smoke about working or serious.
What age group did she teach? Would she consider working in a daycare? That would resolve the issue of having to find daycare for the kids and also I've found that daycares are often more flexible with their schedules. My step mom is a teacher now, but ran a preschool for several years while her children were still very young.
She teaches elementary. She doesn't want to do any younger kids than that. She is exhausted from taking care of kids.
I understand what you are saying. Believe me, my husband works full-time but also contributes to the "boots on the ground" approach that is required in parenting. He used to get offended when other dads talked about "babysitting" their kids as if they are not the parent also.
I have gone back and forth as a WAHM, SAHM and working mom, and they all have trade-offs. Once when we were calculating how much life insurance to buy for me and my husband, our financial advisor calculated that my husband would need to pay at least two people more than $100K per year (total) to do what I do as a SAHM. As you know, working + paying child care is NOT always the best option.
How old are your kids??
My kids are 3 years old and 5 months. I agree with you about child care. It's not easy which is why I think she is frustrated and the post that Dissenter posted earlier speaks to this. In the DC area, we have some of the most expensive child care in the country. Trying to get a job that doesn't negate her salary is difficult. With that said, there are some jobs that do pay way more than our child care would cost, but she doesn't want to apply to them.
You know many people in the greatest generation worked jobs they weren't particularly fond of so that they could support their families and get by.
Just because she had some bad experiences, doesn't mean the career path isn't desirable... I mean she spent probably Six figures in student loans getting the degree right?
-- Edit just had a thought - She could be a nanny for other's kids and still be able to take care of yours at the same time. Easy money right there, but throw the idea out there and see if she is just blowing smoke about working or serious.
Her student loans aren't that bad but they are not too far off from that figure. I agree with your point about having jobs that aren't the greatest, but she seems too comfortable with the way things are and I think that is driving the lack of motivation to apply to all jobs instead of the 'ideal' ones.
Quite the opposite. its the fact i find the right girl every time but I just cant allow myself to reach that level..i just cant do it. Thats the most miserable part of it all. Wanting but not being able to.
Too risky. its depressing.
its better just to be alone..im hoping not to meet anyone for a while. Advance in my career.Take care of me and only me.
That's for you to sort out, and it doesn't mean other men have the same problems. Obviously the OP has already made the commitment of marriage and family with this woman. You getting on here talking about prenups and how people can "flip" and so on is not going to help him or anyone else in a similar situation in any way. They're already past you on the continuum, and they're certainly not going to throw away their wives and kids because other men have intimacy problems. If you ever do overcome your fears and make a similar commitment, you'll understand a bit better.
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