Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Maybe your wife needs to see for herself that her job search, such as it is, isn't going to yield the results she is hoping for. After a couple more months of no progress, perhaps she will be more open to the idea of relocating to a less expensive area. With 2 little children, one an infant, life in a more affordable part of the country with your wife as a SAHM for a couple of years may be the most sensible plan. It's not ideal when neither of you had counted on her staying at home, but it's temporary.
You never said she had to work, yet you just don't believe she is doing enough.
This is why people are coming at you from all angles. It's like you're saying you're okay with her not working, but you're not really okay with it.
No he isn't. He is saying that she is being too picky about what jobs.
OP. Honestly, there are things you can do and things you cannot. There are things that are Just Beyond Your Control. HOW she goes about her job hunt is in the can't control department. (Ask me how I know??!!? One near divorce miss later, I am here to live to tell the tale.)
If it were me, I would be up-selling the practice involved with interviewing even for jobs that she is not interested in to her. Finding a job, LANDING the job is a job in and of itself, with its own skill set. Practice interviewing for jobs is ... good practice. It is important not to buy the BS that folks in HR sling about finding a mutual match. A job seeker has no decision to make until she has an offer. She can turn down that offer.
If you can convince her of this wisdom, then you will have the added benefit of one of these less "suitable" ones being the one to make her go woo hoo after the interview.
No he isn't. He is saying that she is being too picky about what jobs.
OP. Honestly, there are things you can do and things you cannot. There are things that are Just Beyond Your Control. HOW she goes about her job hunt is in the can't control department. (Ask me how I know??!!? One near divorce miss later, I am here to live to tell the tale.)
If it were me, I would be up-selling the practice involved with interviewing even for jobs that she is not interested in to her. Finding a job, LANDING the job is a job in and of itself, with its own skill set. Practice interviewing for jobs is ... good practice. It is important not to buy the BS that folks in HR sling about finding a mutual match. A job seeker has no decision to make until she has an offer. She can turn down that offer.
If you can convince her of this wisdom, then you will have the added benefit of one of these less "suitable" ones being the one to make her go woo hoo after the interview.
Good luck.
I was going to get into that, but I didn't want to hit him over the head too much in one post. Honestly? I think if he gets on her case too much, he runs a very real risk of her saying, "BUTT OUT and let me do it MY WAY or I won't do it at all."
And then where will they be?
Frankly, I don't see how he can even make that judgment call about her in the first place. Is he sitting there looking over her shoulder as she reads job postings?
No offense, but simply because you didn't like doing preschool doesn't mean it's a bad idea for everyone. I know several people who run or have run preschools and they loved it.
My recommendation was to run a preschool, I never suggested her working at one.
Most daycares I've used and know of would allow employees to bring their kids. Age of the kids didn't really matter as the 5 month old wouldn't be the only infant.
That being said, I don't think it matters what any of us say. She doesn't want to work and will make up any excuse not to. There are still a lot of options for people when they have kids, if they need the money she could even get a job that doesn't use her degree working an opposite shift as him or even nanny.
Setting up a home daycare or preschool in your home doesn't exactly happen overnight, unless you are suggesting she do it without licensing and insurance? I am also suggesting they REALLY consider the issues before jumping into it because it sounds like "easy money". It's not easy money and it takes a LOT of work to get a preschool up and running.
I also never said daycares don't allow employees to bring their kids, I said most daycares won't hire someone who has an infant to bring along. You may have had different experiences but I've never worked in one that hired a person with an infant to work there (if the infant had to come with them).
I don't really see how she is making any excuse not to work. Her infant is 5 months old, she probably wasn't ready to go back to work until 2 months ago. She is applying to jobs that she feels would be a good fit. He stated they can get by on his salary so I guess I'm not seeing why she would need to apply to anything and everything even if she doesn't feel she is qualified for the job. She's looking for work, just not to HIS satisfaction.
Setting up a home daycare or preschool in your home doesn't exactly happen overnight, unless you are suggesting she do it without licensing and insurance? I am also suggesting they REALLY consider the issues before jumping into it because it sounds like "easy money". It's not easy money and it takes a LOT of work to get a preschool up and running.
Actually the getting up and running was trivial. (Been there done that.) But once the kids were in the home. Oh
My
God
IMPOSSIBLY long days. If you are an exceedingly good business person, it can be good money. But the time vs money decision is ever present. I can spend my weekend planning activities and cooking meals. Or I can spend money to someone else who is already doing that....
A home daycare sounds really easy on paper. I could go on for a book. I have nightmares!
Actually the getting up and running was trivial. (Been there done that.) But once the kids were in the home. Oh
My
God
IMPOSSIBLY long days. If you are an exceedingly good business person, it can be good money. But the time vs money decision is ever present. I can spend my weekend planning activities and cooking meals. Or I can spend money to someone else who is already doing that....
A home daycare sounds really easy on paper. I could go on for a book. I have nightmares!
Getting up and running was a big PITA for me. Between licensing, insurance, inspections, town approval, training...etc., I can say I understand why people don't go through the proper channels!
And yes...LONG, LONG days. Kids in the daytime, cooking, cleaning, shopping, errands..etc in the evening and then planning. I'm not sure how I had the energy back then.
Never again. It was fun and the money was nice. It was so much work though and not really worth the payout.
You never said she had to work, yet you just don't believe she is doing enough.
This is why people are coming at you from all angles. It's like you're saying you're okay with her not working, but you're not really okay with it.
It doesn't seem like you are reading my post in it's full context.
I said simply, if she's not going to work, let's move out of the area.
Then I said, if we're going to stay in the area, you have to find some type of job with reasonable pay.
I don't know how else to explain it to you for you to understand this. Because we decided to stay in the area, YES I WANT HER TO WORK! If we didn't stay in the area, then I wouldn't have an issue with her staying at home. Since we are in the same area, I believe her having a job seemed like a necessity and she doesn't seem to approach the job hunting with the same attitude. That is the issue. I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable to expect her to try harder.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
And maybe you don't understand how the teaching profession works. For one thing, in public schools, it's a civil service job. Those are not easy to come by. There are certifications and union membership to consider, as well. It's not like the corporate sector where you send a resume, go on an interview, shake someone's hand, and you have the job. That is why in my first response here, I suggested that you go to your local board and ask if anyone knows what the teaching situation is like in Maryland, because as someone who has several teachers in the family, I don't think you get it, either.
What I wonder is why you don't believe your wife when she tells you about her field. Try to put yourself in her shoes. Would you like it if she started telling you what jobs you should apply for when she wasn't even in your field? It's like you are telling her you know what is better for her career than she does, and you know her field better than she does. It baffles me that you don't trust your wife to know what is right for herself and her career. Sorry, but I don't see why you feel you get to control someone else's career that way, even your wife's.
I'm not trying to control her career. Again you aren't reading my posts. I've already stated that we're not going to be living in MD anymore. We are moving to Northern VA (with no change in our expenses) in the hopes that it would increase the chances of her finding a job amongst other things. I don't proclaim to know her field but I saw a job that was basically the same job she had before and asked her if she was going to apply to it, and she said point blank, "I don't want to be in the classroom teaching full-time". It wasn't that she wasn't qualified, it was the fact that she didn't want to do the work. My issue with that, is being a classroom teacher has made up a large portion of her education and her work experience and that perhaps, trying to do something else that she doesn't have experience in may make her search harder. I'm not telling her what she should do with her career, I'm questioning her mindset in finding a job. And you know what, my wife would never have to tell me what jobs I should apply to because when I was in a very similar situation as her (she was working while I was finish grad school) when we first got married, I applied to every job that I was eligible for even if I didn't like the company because I knew that I had little experience to be picky and I knew I had a family to take care of. And honestly I don't trust my wife in looking for a job because she has let be known that her finding the right job is more important than just finding a job and that's an issue when she agrees that she really needs a job.
No he isn't. He is saying that she is being too picky about what jobs.
OP. Honestly, there are things you can do and things you cannot. There are things that are Just Beyond Your Control. HOW she goes about her job hunt is in the can't control department. (Ask me how I know??!!? One near divorce miss later, I am here to live to tell the tale.)
If it were me, I would be up-selling the practice involved with interviewing even for jobs that she is not interested in to her. Finding a job, LANDING the job is a job in and of itself, with its own skill set. Practice interviewing for jobs is ... good practice. It is important not to buy the BS that folks in HR sling about finding a mutual match. A job seeker has no decision to make until she has an offer. She can turn down that offer.
If you can convince her of this wisdom, then you will have the added benefit of one of these less "suitable" ones being the one to make her go woo hoo after the interview.
Good luck.
Well I will back off but when necessary I will just give her suggestions.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
