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Old 12-10-2012, 06:46 AM
 
7 posts, read 6,012 times
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I think my wife may be cheating. There is a guy at her work that she texts every night, and calls him when I'm not around. I've never seen texts between them because she keeps them deleted. She has also been going out with her sister and friends a lot more lately, and at least once that i am aware of, he was there. I do not want to accuse her, but how can i ask without her taking like that? We have been together for 8 years and have a 7 month old son, so it is a sticky situation. Until the last few months i would have never even considered this, but she seems to be acting strangely and it has me worried. What should i do? Any advice?
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Old 12-10-2012, 06:55 AM
 
12,446 posts, read 11,714,714 times
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"You seem to be spending a lot of time with this guy and communicating with him a lot. You also seem more distant/unhappy/angry/whatever. Do I have anything to be worried about?" Her reaction will let you know how to proceed.
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:24 AM
 
5,834 posts, read 3,308,224 times
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I see no point in confronting her. At least not yet. It will not solve the problem.

She is doing this because she feels something is missing in her life. Passion, excitement, fun, etc. She is missing her days being single when she had more fun. She enjoys the attention of this guy. I doubt they are having an actual affair though. People having affairs are more careful to keep it quiet. She wouldn't bring him to outings with friends and family, or text where you know she is doing it. So you have time to reverse things. Identify what is missing and restore it.

Having just had a child, maybe her looks are not as hot or the sex life has been lacking. Maybe a baby has made it too much trouble for both of you to go out and have fun. Maybe after 8 years together things have stagnated. Whatever it is, identify it and resolve to fix it. Then talk to her about it from the perspective of "let's fix this together" not "you quit doing that".
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:41 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 5,159,233 times
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This is a tough situation and I'm sorry that you're going through this. I went through something similar in college, and I never really confronted her about it but it did eventually lead to me breaking up with her.

I see at this: you're married. You've just started a family. Communication should be paramount in your relationship right now. I don't understand why you can't bring this concern up to her. I would approach her and just say "You know, maybe I'm just being a little paranoid or insecure but I can't help but feel like there might be something going on with you and this other guy. Do I have anything to worry about?"

If she loves you and cares about you she'll reassure it's nothing or she'll say she didn't realize it bothered you and that she'll tone it down with him. If she gets upset or defensive: THEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT. But I would think that someone who married you wouldn't want you to feel this way.

If you don't feel you can communicate about this in a marriage then I think that would be grounds alone to start marriage counseling. You NEED to be able to communicate. I don't see how it can work without it.
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:47 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,217,924 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
"You seem to be spending a lot of time with this guy and communicating with him a lot. You also seem more distant/unhappy/angry/whatever. Do I have anything to be worried about?" Her reaction will let you know how to proceed.
You know, I think this is a situation where timing is everything.

To be sure, if what the OP says is true, I'd lay money on the fact that she's stepping out. At the same time, confronting her in this way will do absolutely nothing. All she'll do is deny anything, which means she'll just be better at covering her tracks in the future.

And, if on the slight chance she's not cheating, she'll think you're paranoid which just creates more distrust.

Nope. Hard and fast evidence. Number of texts. Physical proof of her stepping out on you. Heck, there are devices you can attach to her car to see where she's going and everything downloads to your computer. But I would be very, very sure of yourself before you go to that extreme.
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,499 posts, read 41,212,444 times
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Contact Joey from "Cheaters".
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Texas
41,888 posts, read 48,160,871 times
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The first thing that comes to my mind is get proof.
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:51 AM
 
11,974 posts, read 14,008,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebites View Post
I think my wife may be cheating. There is a guy at her work that she texts every night, and calls him when I'm not around. I've never seen texts between them because she keeps them deleted. She has also been going out with her sister and friends a lot more lately, and at least once that i am aware of, he was there. I do not want to accuse her, but how can i ask without her taking like that? We have been together for 8 years and have a 7 month old son, so it is a sticky situation. Until the last few months i would have never even considered this, but she seems to be acting strangely and it has me worried. What should i do? Any advice?
Hi lovebites, do you work nights?...are you SURE that she's calling him?..How do you know that she texts him every night?
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:52 AM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
28,866 posts, read 33,211,947 times
Reputation: 34113
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
"You seem to be spending a lot of time with this guy and communicating with him a lot. You also seem more distant/unhappy/angry/whatever. Do I have anything to be worried about?" Her reaction will let you know how to proceed.
This.

You might as well have an adult conversation about your suspicions. If she's having an affair don't let it blow you away, just see what you can do to improve the situation.

Best of luck
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:58 AM
 
78 posts, read 112,030 times
Reputation: 177
Get proof, and then get even. Make sure you give her the payback of a lifetime.
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