Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
More men are doing it, but even your own link shows that the majority are still women. Did you bother to read it and follow its citation? Beyond that, it's independent of the finding of women living with parents to care for them vs young men living at home because they are unemployed. This is highlighted in both our links.
What it all comes down to is that women are looking for man to take care of them, and the thing is women have a short window period to find and attract a man who has enough money/resources to provide for them when they're young and fertile so they get angry at men who don't seem to take them (or life) seriously.
In other words, women are like buses, and they come drive by every 20 minutes or so eagerly trying to get to their destination and here you are lollygagging in the sun at the bus stop deciding if you're going to get on the bus or not so they just get mad that you're wasting time so they pull off in frustration hoping they can pick up another guy at the next stop and not run out of time before that last egg drops at the end of the line.
I spoke to a few elderly people and they told me back in the 1960's on back people got married when they were young and poor but worked TOGETHER to make a living and it worked out better that way because they formed a bond through all the difficulties apposed to today where young people accumulate everything on their own but then have a much harder time finding mate because they refuse to share, they're use to living alone, and they're quick to break up because everybody is independent and don't really need each other.
I mean it's real bad today... For example, none of the girlfriends I had wanted to help me in my business even though the profits I made would be expected to be spent on them so I do EVERYTHING myself. On the other hand, I met a 70 year old woman who told me her late husband had the same business I did over 40 years ago and she said she was her husbands secretary from day one where by she would take all the calls and organize his customers.
I was jealous and sad when she told me this, women today are not the same as generations long ago.
Who? Most women of the past few generations are not "looking for a man to take care of them". Many women from my high school class became doctors, lawyers, professors, executives, etc. They married for love. Some of it worked out, some didn't. But they didn't need any one to take care of them, at least financially.
The problem is not that the OP's boyfriend lives at home. These are the real red flags:
1. He lives at home rent-free and never saves any money.
2. He spends large amounts on money on wants instead of needs.
3. He claims he hates the restaurant business so that he can turn down a $45,000 a year job but is still bartending.
4. He has had about 5 jobs in the last year or so.
5. He claims bartending is unstable and he makes no money to explain why he never any.
Strangely, while my college graduate cousin was bartending in New York while trying to become a rock star, he made enough money to BUY an apartment and later a whole apartment building. In NEW YORK CITY.
Who? Most women of the past few generations are not "looking for a man to take care of them". Many women from my high school class became doctors, lawyers, professors, executives, etc. They married for love. Some of it worked out, some didn't. But they didn't need any one to take care of them, at least financially.
I don't think you understood that outstanding piece of observation you are replying to. Women are no longer partners to a man, they are more of a "trophy" who magnanimously condescend to being with a seasoned man who fits their rigid criteria of the social, professional & financial success, but they no longer wish to help or contribute to that success from early on or at all, they would much rather work on their own success. Have your doctor & lawyer girlfriends married up or down food chain, I'm just curious about direction of their love ? There is no mixing, there is little/no common work/purpose/goals involved in a marriage, I've got mine you've got yours going, as long as yours and mine are compatible we stay together, it's very volatile and conditional "philosophy".
Nevertheless, there are plenty of women on the lower ledgers of food chain who traditionally view their men as a meal ticket. Amazingly, these lower class women living off their mates also, as a rule, refuse to help. Women liberation at its finest. If for a middle class guy, marriage is a questionable proposition, for a low/working class guy, it's almost 100% loss.
Last edited by RememberMee; 01-11-2013 at 01:26 AM..
I don't think you should be too caught up with the "living with mom" thing. I bet you're probably Caucasian. Reason I say that is because I am Asian and Asian households are very, very different when it comes to living with family. We see it differently in that we help support each other - mentally (have someone to talk to, hang out, etc.), physically (chores, work), and obviously financially (don't have to pay rent). The other reason is because we're family. I love my mom and she cooks and clean for me (by choice) because she loves me. I'm obviously much older now, but I didn't move out until I was 26 and that's because I got married. Don't get too hung up on that part of it.
What you need to look at is how your boyfriend is with you. There's a saying . . . it's easy to find someone with money that doesn't love you and even easier to find a fool that loves you and will do anything to make you happy. If he truly loves you, he would change and go out of his way to make you happy. It also depends on how long you two have known each other too. Don't expect someone you barely know to drop their life and do what you want. So if you've been with him long enough and he truly makes you happy, duke it out and see if he changes. But only you know that and no one else on this forum so do what you think is best.
The problem is not that the OP's boyfriend lives at home. These are the real red flags:
1. He lives at home rent-free and never saves any money.
2. He spends large amounts on money on wants instead of needs.
3. He claims he hates the restaurant business so that he can turn down a $45,000 a year job but is still bartending.
4. He has had about 5 jobs in the last year or so.
5. He claims bartending is unstable and he makes no money to explain why he never any.
Strangely, while my college graduate cousin was bartending in New York while trying to become a rock star, he made enough money to BUY an apartment and later a whole apartment building. In NEW YORK CITY.
Yep. You nailed it.
Time and time again, I've found that when people who can't hold onto a job that's a red flag. Sure, losing a job once is circumstance. Could happen to anyone. Twice? Hmmm. But five times in a year? And it's NEVER his fault? You're dealing with big, big trouble.
Glamgal, you are 24 and your b/f is 30,and you still talk about him like if you were in control of the situation,like if he was an inmature little boy in your hands.
That's a mistake. If the guy is 30 and works as a bartender and lives with his mother and has no money saved, is because he WANTS it that way, he's chosen that path, and he thinks it's as good as any other.
Meanwhile, you are 24 now, so you got 6 years ahead before you turn 30, 6 years full of choices, efforts, surprises, good stuff, but stuff, etc,6 years doing things that lead to the person you will be in the future.
In 6 years time, you will be 30, and you will be mature enough to decide to live you life as you please, and maybe a 24 yo man will think you are wrong, but most likely you won´t give a hoot, as I think is the case with your b/f.
So you have two choices:
1- Leave him and seek a more ambitious guy.
2- Accept the fact that he lives the life he wants.
I wouldn't stay in the relationship, and this is coming from my own personal experience...
I was with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years. When we split, he was 28 and I was 30. He was immature and had zero motivation, which ultimately led to the demise of our relationship.
He had a bachelor's degree in Creative Writing but said he only went to college because his parents "forced him" (i.e. they paid for it). When we met, he was still living at home (which I was okay with, because he was 24 and just finishing school at the time). He worked for his parents, who owned a remodeling/renovations contracting company.
After 2 years together, he moved into my apartment with me. This is when the problems really began. His family's company wasn't doing well financially, and so I tried to encourage him to get another job. At first, he flat-out refused, saying he didn't want to be "disloyal to his family." Eventually, he went to work for some Manpower-type agency who got him a job at a factory. When he was offered a full-time position there, he turned it down - because he thought it was above him. A full-time, stable job with benefits was ABOVE him!
I was working full-time, but money was tight. At the end of each month, when I'd remind him that it was time to pay the rent and bills, he was always full of excuses about why he was short on money. I came to find out that his parents hadn't been paying him for several months, because their company was so behind financially. Still, he wouldn't look for another job. He complained about having to take money out of his savings to pay the bills ... yet somehow, he always had money to go out drinking and smoke weed.
Eventually, he moved out. And for me, it was actually easier, because once he was gone, I only had to support myself on one income, rather than two people. He moved back in with his parents, and to my knowledge, is still living there - rent-free, of course.
Moral of my story? Some men don't change. Sounds like your boyfriend and my ex are cut from the same cloth. And you strike me as too smart and ambitious for a guy like that.
I don't think you understood that outstanding piece of observation you are replying to. Women are no longer partners to a man, they are more of a "trophy" who magnanimously condescend to being with a seasoned man who fits their rigid criteria of the social, professional & financial success, but they no longer wish to help or contribute to that success from early on or at all, they would much rather work on their own success. Have your doctor & lawyer girlfriends married up or down food chain, I'm just curious about direction of their love ? There is no mixing, there is little/no common work/purpose/goals involved in a marriage, I've got mine you've got yours going, as long as yours and mine are compatible we stay together, it's very volatile and conditional "philosophy".
Nevertheless, there are plenty of women on the lower ledgers of food chain who traditionally view their men as a meal ticket. Amazingly, these lower class women living off their mates also, as a rule, refuse to help. Women liberation at its finest. If for a middle class guy, marriage is a questionable proposition, for a low/working class guy, it's almost 100% loss.
These are probably the same men who expect a woman to work a full-time job, plus do almost 100% of the childcare and definitely almost 100% of the housework. Oh, the man will take out the garbage and do the barbecuing. Those are "manly" jobs.
I don't know any women like the ones you've described, even those on "the lower ledgers of the food chain." All of the women I know, whether blue-collar, pink-collar, or white-collar, work very hard.
I just suspect that there is a lack of respect for women going on here . . .
I don't think you understood that outstanding piece of observation you are replying to. Women are no longer partners to a man, they are more of a "trophy" who magnanimously condescend to being with a seasoned man who fits their rigid criteria of the social, professional & financial success, but they no longer wish to help or contribute to that success from early on or at all, they would much rather work on their own success. Have your doctor & lawyer girlfriends married up or down food chain, I'm just curious about direction of their love ? There is no mixing, there is little/no common work/purpose/goals involved in a marriage, I've got mine you've got yours going, as long as yours and mine are compatible we stay together, it's very volatile and conditional "philosophy".
Nevertheless, there are plenty of women on the lower ledgers of food chain who traditionally view their men as a meal ticket. Amazingly, these lower class women living off their mates also, as a rule, refuse to help. Women liberation at its finest. If for a middle class guy, marriage is a questionable proposition, for a low/working class guy, it's almost 100% loss.
Some men want trophy wives. Certain executives and billionaires come to mind.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
? There is no mixing, there is little/no common work/purpose/goals involved in a marriage, I've got mine you've got yours going, as long as yours and mine are compatible we stay together, it's very volatile and conditional "philosophy". 
