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- are they mature enough to hold a professional job?
- are they in large amounts of debt?
- do they have health/mental issues?
These are all serious concerns. I was reading an article the other day about a 27 yr old woman that had recently graduated from a medical program that lives at home and is proud to live at home. Her problem, she owed 150k in student loans. I'm not sure I'd want to get involved with a woman that is swimming in debt at such a young age.
He doesn't appear as though he will change, but to put things in perspective. I'm in my early 30s. A few years ago I lost my job (I work in IT) and was suffering a layoff for 14 months. During that time I met a girl that empathized that I didn't have a job, or at least understood that and liked me past that.
Really not having a job is uncharacteristic of me. Crazy a few years ago I went from being broke to making over $70K now so not all men who are not working or living with their parents are unambitious. I was at home living with my grandmother helping her out, job hunting, trying to work on my certifications and re enter the job marker at the time.
I do see that if a man isn't ambitious though it can be incredibly unattractive.
- are they mature enough to hold a professional job?
- are they in large amounts of debt?
- do they have health/mental issues?
These are all serious concerns. I was reading an article the other day about a 27 yr old woman that had recently graduated from a medical program that lives at home and is proud to live at home. Her problem, she owed 150k in student loans. I'm not sure I'd want to get involved with a woman that is swimming in debt at such a young age.
it still obviously looks worse in men than it does in women
I don't think ambition is super important... as long as someone is willing to live within their means and isn't trying to compete with someone who makes twice their salary, and is still willing to seize opportunities or move on if he/she needs to.
I mean, there are certain economic realities that everyone needs to face, and one of them is that the job market isn't what it used to be, and stable, full-time employment isn't as easy to come by, even for people with degrees.
The only thing that really disturbs me here is that he turned down an opportunity to make $45k in what I assume would be a stable job under a friendly employer, and with no previous experience... that's a rare opportunity that he shouldn't be taking for granted, and turning it down is basically admitting that he doesn't believe in himself.
Please. He is not for you. Let it go. There is nothing worse than a woman pushing for her goals and partnering with someone that is not on the same page. He's a loser. Rather he's comfortable or not, he should be a grown man able to financially support himself.
You don't need to consider a future with him. If you want to hang out and have fun, that's one thing, but he's no one to consider for your future. While a man does not have to be rich, for him not to secure a career or future is not your problem. People come as is therefore it is not your job to change anyone but it is your responsibility to spend time with people trying to do something with their life. Get rid of him and start opening yourself up for people in your masters program.
No, You are not being unreasonable at all. You are being perfectly rational, in fact. Reading between the lines, it really seems like you are dissatisfied, and it seems there is a greater chance you will regret settling. There are plenty of good guys out there… He is not the only one. But there are good guys who are ambitious and do not live at home! And the fact that he got his certificate only because of you? That was a huge sign that he really isn’t ambitious. He is only doing it for you. Is that what you want? I think if you have such different goals in life, you will end up later and really not respecting him. I would be like that too and it’s perfectly fine. You have to marry someone similar to you, with similar goals and values in life to be happy.
No, You are not being unreasonable at all. You are being perfectly rational, in fact. Reading between the lines, it really seems like you are dissatisfied, and it seems there is a greater chance you will regret settling. There are plenty of good guys out there… He is not the only one. But there are good guys who are ambitious and do not live at home! And the fact that he got his certificate only because of you? That was a huge sign that he really isn’t ambitious. He is only doing it for you. Is that what you want? I think if you have such different goals in life, you will end up later and really not respecting him. I would be like that too and it’s perfectly fine. You have to marry someone similar to you, with similar goals and values in life to be happy.
Its probably from the "Similar Threads..." at the bottom of the page. I'm not sure why we want to advertise old threads, but we do.
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