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Old 12-11-2012, 06:59 AM
 
3,822 posts, read 9,477,031 times
Reputation: 5160

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Well to support the OP I say go for it, but tread lightly on bringing up the weight issue. Sort of in the same boat, met someone online, swapped pictures, texts and emails and really hit it off. She warned me that though her pictures were from last year it was a rough year for her in the weight department. Between her divorce, finishing up a degree and breaking an ankle within months of each other she drowned her sorrows with Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream.

We have everything else in common, spend weekends together and it's been great. Starting to make plans for springtime trips and in order to do them she knows that she needs to get back in shape. So if things progress, throw out a springtime hiking or camping trip and offer to train with her. I'm fairly active, know a lot about staying in shape and I told the woman I am dating that if she wants my advice she will have to ask me. So far it is all working out and I could not be happier. Nothing wrong with a woman with a few extra pounds if everything else in the relationship is going great.

 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:07 AM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,021,788 times
Reputation: 4397
There is nothing wrong with having weight preferences, and this woman's weight may be a temporary thing, but going into a relationship hoping to change someone works about as well as setting out to knock down a brick wall by banging your head against it. You have to be honest with yourself. If she doesn't lose weight, or loses and gains it back, could you handle it? If not, pass on this, for your sake and hers.
 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,860,632 times
Reputation: 25362
Only she can change. She probably knows she is fat. Many lose weight if they are around active people. You can date her for awhile to see how it goes?
 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:21 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,652,905 times
Reputation: 12334
She's gonna charm your pants off and you won't have a choice but to fall madly in love and be with her.
 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:30 AM
 
Location: NC
6,032 posts, read 9,212,031 times
Reputation: 6378
is the divorce final?
 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,795 posts, read 12,033,106 times
Reputation: 30431
What is "bigger than I usually date"? Is she truly plump/fat/obese, or is she a size 10 and you usually date 2's? Need some perspective on this before I can give an answer.
 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:35 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,860,632 times
Reputation: 25362
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suncc49 View Post
is the divorce final?
Wait whoah? Op you are still married?
 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:36 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,652,905 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suncc49 View Post
is the divorce final?
Yeah, man. Don't hurt this girl. She sounds nice.
 
Old 12-11-2012, 07:51 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,284,428 times
Reputation: 4766
Weight is probably the BIGGEST sensitive issue for women. Some women are comfortable carrying it around and don't think of themselves as heavy, and others are far from even having a few extra pounds and they think they are fat. I personally wouldn't suggest to her to lose weight. I would ask and see if she wants to go workout with you some time. Don't mention anything about her weight and keep it as casual as you can.

Deep down, likely the woman will know your motives, but you have packaged it in a way that isn't going to hurt her feelings. Like everyone else has said, she likely knows that she is overweight and doesn't feel good about it. The hardest part about weight gain is that you get the instant gratification when gaining it (IE ice cream and unhealthy foods make you "feel" better), but it's a much longer road ahead to lose the weight.

If you can make weight loss fun for her, she will get just as much enjoyment out of it as you do. The only fear I've ever had of a situation like this was what happened with one of my friends. They were married and had a child. She put on some weight while the husband lost weight and got skinnier. Well, he lost some attraction to his wife and voiced his opinion a little to sharply on the matter. Ultimately, she got heavy into running and it broke apart their marriage. She felt her husband didn't appreciate her while she was bigger, but once she lost weight and was running with other men slimmer than her husband, she turned to them for emotional support.

The story above is just why weight loss for women is such a sensitive subject.
 
Old 12-11-2012, 08:20 AM
 
977 posts, read 1,815,305 times
Reputation: 1913
Just forget about her. Don't go into a relationship already hoping they'll change a major aspect of themselves. Stick to your standards and if people give you grief, so be it.
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