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Old 12-17-2012, 11:51 AM
 
1,293 posts, read 645,173 times
Reputation: 514
Just focus on having a good time and forming a connection with other person and the desperation quickly goes away. It worked for me
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Old 12-17-2012, 12:02 PM
 
1,116 posts, read 923,358 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
I think one of my biggest obstacles in dating is that I'm desperate. I'm not proud of it but it is what it is. In fact I bet it's a problem for a lot of guys. If you were surrounded by people who seem to have zero trouble with women, you'd start wanting to have success with them as well.

Folks on here say women can sense desperation a mile away. I don't know how true that is but let's assume it is. How, then, does one stop being desperate? I haven't done anything with a girl in a few years, while living in an environment where it's practically expected of you (college). I don't know how any man wouldn't end up desperate under those conditions.

The amount of catch-22s posted on here doesn't help either. People say that to not be 'friend zoned' you need to make your intent clear: you wanna date the girl you're talking to, not just be friends with her. And at the same time, people say that girls are turned off when you're direct and obvious about your intentions.
There's no exact formula. Whether you are direct or indirect will depend on you, the girl and the situation.

In order to avoid the friend zone you have to be in the position of power to decide whether you want to be friends with her, or have something more. Never let her have that position and you'll never be friend zoned, unless that's what you want.
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Old 12-17-2012, 05:47 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,693 posts, read 16,977,287 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
Doesn't the fact that there are more desperate men then desperate women, by definition, doesn't that imply that women have an advantage and men have a disadvantage? If women aren't as desperate as men, it's likely because they have more options for sex/love/relationships/companionship. It's unlikely that women's sex drive or desire for companionship is LESS than men... although i suppose it's possible. It's more likely that women have many more options to satisfy these needs.

Of course men have "no control" over anything. If you don't know when your next meal is going to be, you need to gorge as much as possible when you can. Sex-wise or relationship-wise, men have no idea when their "next meal" is going to be so we have to eat whenever we can, whereas women have enough options for "meals" that they can hold out and be picky and wait for their favorite food.
I'm not a woman but i do understand that having more choice on the surface doesn't always equate to having what most women supposedly want, which is the relationship (as if men don't and only want sex ). In terms of finding someone who is emotionally compatible and will be serious about you it's probably even steven.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,793 posts, read 1,229,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BKSnook View Post
There's no exact formula. Whether you are direct or indirect will depend on you, the girl and the situation.
There's no such thing as an easy woman. If women were easy, there wouldn't be a billion dollar porn industry, prostitution, strip clubs, etc. Guys who say women are easy either have developed very good game or are greatly exaggerating their success with women.

It makes sense that men are generally going to be desperate to some degree, because most of us cannot get sex (for free) whenever we want. Unlike women, who can usually get sex whenever they want if they have realistic standards.
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Old 12-17-2012, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Central California
1,787 posts, read 848,555 times
Reputation: 1634
Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
There's no such thing as an easy woman. If women were easy, there wouldn't be a billion dollar porn industry, prostitution, strip clubs, etc. Guys who say women are easy either have developed very good game or are greatly exaggerating their success with women.

It makes sense that men are generally going to be desperate to some degree, because most of us cannot get sex (for free) whenever we want. Unlike women, who can usually get sex whenever they want if they have realistic standards.
Oh man, I wish the feminazis were here to see this (seems like they took the night off).

There would be 2 illogical extremes going back and forth.

No one would win because neither side makes sense.
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Old 12-17-2012, 11:32 PM
 
1,293 posts, read 645,173 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
It makes sense that men are generally going to be desperate to some degree, because most of us cannot get sex (for free) whenever we want.

Majority of guys past the age of 25 are in relationships and are getting sex whenever they want (generally speaking)
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:45 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,793 posts, read 1,229,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainJack87 View Post
Oh man, I wish the feminazis were here to see this (seems like they took the night off).

There would be 2 illogical extremes going back and forth.

No one would win because neither side makes sense.
I'm sure they will be around soon enough.

I think my side makes pretty good sense considering my argument is supported by a multi-billion dollar porn industry, prostitutes, and strippers. If women were so easy, why would there be such huge demand for these industries?
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Old 12-18-2012, 08:44 AM
 
Location: NY
5,995 posts, read 4,760,014 times
Reputation: 6367
Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
I'm sure they will be around soon enough.

I think my side makes pretty good sense considering my argument is supported by a multi-billion dollar porn industry, prostitutes, and strippers. If women were so easy, why would there be such huge demand for these industries?
I know where your going with this, and I agree that women are not necessarily as "easy" as some may think here (just as they are not as difficult as others think).

This, however, is a straw man argument. All these industries are aimed at the male idealized sexual fantasy, and attract men from many backgrounds and motivations for doing business in these industries.

What makes it easier or more difficult for any particular man to meet a women and have intimate relations is far, far more complex than "game." Boiling it down to such simplifucations is nothing more than a disservice to human social interactions.
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Old 12-18-2012, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Arizona & Wisconsin
4,886 posts, read 5,750,905 times
Reputation: 6278
IMO, desperation is an external sign of an internal deficiency of some sort. You have to focus your energy on yourself, not on finding someone else to fill a hole in your life. I don't have much more to offer other than figuring out your reasons for desperation, then determining why you think there is some desperate need for those things.

People don't have "sell by" dates, until they let themselves go.
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Old 12-18-2012, 11:19 AM
 
798 posts, read 434,247 times
Reputation: 403
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
I think one of my biggest obstacles in dating is that I'm desperate. I'm not proud of it but it is what it is. In fact I bet it's a problem for a lot of guys. If you were surrounded by people who seem to have zero trouble with women, you'd start wanting to have success with them as well.

Folks on here say women can sense desperation a mile away. I don't know how true that is but let's assume it is. How, then, does one stop being desperate? I haven't done anything with a girl in a few years, while living in an environment where it's practically expected of you (college). I don't know how any man wouldn't end up desperate under those conditions.

The amount of catch-22s posted on here doesn't help either. People say that to not be 'friend zoned' you need to make your intent clear: you wanna date the girl you're talking to, not just be friends with her. And at the same time, people say that girls are turned off when you're direct and obvious about your intentions.
You've got to have other options. A lot of men make the mistake of meeting one woman then they focus all of their attention on that woman when they are not even in a relationship yet. They constantly text, call or facebook them causing them to lose interest. Most men give women all of the power. I even done this myself.

Here is what i recommened. Try to talk to as many women as possible. If you get a girls number then talk to her while your still talking to other women. When talking to women make youre intentions known (dont beat around the bush too long or she'll lose interest). Some guys loiter around for years hoping to get lucky one day, dont be that guy. Be bold and try to set up a face to face meeting as soon as possible. Meet up at a coffee shop or bookstore (something like that). If the face to face meeting goes well then set up another date (you should be meeting up with the other women that your dealing with as well). Rinse & repeat.

If you follow this plan then you wont come off as desperate because you wont have time to be desperate. I'm doing this right now and its working pretty well. I'm talking with women that ive met at the bars, women online etc..
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