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If a guy writes a well written message to me that shows he read my profile and he meets my criteria I will reply back and I will ask him questions about his profile. If a woman replies without asking you anything then she probably isn't that interested or the kind of woman you'd want to date. I agree that a woman who replies but doesn't ask questions probably is on the fence about you.
I really hate profiles that say crap about who shouldn't write to them. I really want to write on mine that only guys who meet my basic criteria and are serious about meeting someone should write to me, but I think that sounds kind of arrogant. I once read a guy's profile who had like 15 bullet points of qualities he didn't want. What a turn off. I prefer to focus on what I do want ya know?
I hate when men don't read my profile and respond though they are what I am not open to dating. In my profile I clearly stated I don't date dads and am only open to divorced men in specific instances which I mention. I'm also not open to a long distance relationship or men old enough to be my father. Guess who I got the most responses from? guys who either lived far away, had kids or much older. They weren't responding to my profile but the way I look then got mad when I rejected them. Many of them thought they were ENTITLED to date me because they thought I was hot.
For once I actually agree with the OP in the "pulling teeth" aspect of trying to get info out of someone and the "disinterest" in them asking about you.
This isn't just in the online dating world either, but real life as well. I am literally stunned by the amount of men over 30 that cannot hold a major conversation or are stunted in dating. Some barely ask anything and some are literally over the top in their responses. Many of these guys actually were in long term relationships of some kind and I'm just amazed at how extremely boring they are.
I can't deal with social awkwardness or shyness in GROWN MEN nor can I deal with the showboat or touchy feely person either.
I didn't find anything wrong with the email you sent the girl. Maybe she'll take your advice and maybe she won't. In all honesty, who cares?
Nothing. And the same goes for women who like to have fun. What sane person doesn't enjoy these things?
I was merely making a point about how so many dating profiles run these tired cliches into the ground. Complaining about guys not reading their profiles is just another example of that.
Um, for the record, I know quite a few people who don't like to travel. They're not narrow-minded or uneducated - they just don't like the hassle and the stress. Prying my best friend out of a 20-mile radius around our hometown happens about once a year.
Having seen many profiles where the guy lists off the countries he's been to and the ones he still wants to visit, I think saying you like to travel is a pretty pertinent item.
If a guy writes a well written message to me that shows he read my profile and he meets my criteria I will reply back and I will ask him questions about his profile. If a woman replies without asking you anything then she probably isn't that interested or the kind of woman you'd want to date. I agree that a woman who replies but doesn't ask questions probably is on the fence about you.
I really hate profiles that say crap about who shouldn't write to them. I really want to write on mine that only guys who meet my basic criteria and are serious about meeting someone should write to me, but I think that sounds kind of arrogant. I once read a guy's profile who had like 15 bullet points of qualities he didn't want. What a turn off. I prefer to focus on what I do want ya know?
I really love your reply, and I'm kind of the same way. I think posting all of the good aspects about yourself (sellling yourself) is what it's all about when finding a date on those sites, it's not about making yourself feel superior to the audience. Who knows what the audience looks like until someone from the audience messages you? I'm not going to dismiss someones message either, if they took time out to write me.....no matter what they look like or what they seem like...I'll at least respond in some fashion.
I hate when men don't read my profile and respond though they are what I am not open to dating. In my profile I clearly stated I don't date dads and am only open to divorced men in specific instances which I mention..
I can see that, and understand that...I am definatly not that way...I actually spend time reading everyones' info on those sites, but it just sucks when you do that all the time and send messages showing interest and get some half ass response as if they only care about themselves...but just because I made this thread about guys not reading profiles, doesn't mean I agree with them, but I can see why guys do this...lots of guys are dogs who just want a bone aka sex...and other guys are just tired of giving effort and no return on their investment. As for me I still read everyones' profiles because I want to know what I'm dealing with when I message a girl I think is cute and fits my needs in a relationship aspect.
For once I actually agree with the OP in the "pulling teeth" aspect of trying to get info out of someone and the "disinterest" in them asking about you.
This isn't just in the online dating world either, but real life as well. I am literally stunned by the amount of men over 30 that cannot hold a major conversation or are stunted in dating. Some barely ask anything and some are literally over the top in their responses. Many of these guys actually were in long term relationships of some kind and I'm just amazed at how extremely boring they are.
I can't deal with social awkwardness or shyness in GROWN MEN nor can I deal with the showboat or touchy feely person either.
I didn't find anything wrong with the email you sent the girl. Maybe she'll take your advice and maybe she won't. In all honesty, who cares?
You're right, this can go both ways...I'm sure there are selfish ass men too, lots of em....I just say 'women', because that is my own experience...If I was a woman I would probably be on here saying 'Men' act this way...Bottom line, lots of people in this society are too self centered.
I can see that, and understand that...I am definatly not that way...I actually spend time reading everyones' info on those sites, but it just sucks when you do that all the time and send messages showing interest and get some half ass response as if they only care about themselves...but just because I made this thread about guys not reading profiles, doesn't mean I agree with them, but I can see why guys do this...lots of guys are dogs who just want a bone aka sex...and other guys are just tired of giving effort and no return on their investment. As for me I still read everyones' profiles because I want to know what I'm dealing with when I message a girl I think is cute and fits my needs in a relationship aspect.
Unfortunately my experience with online dating has made me bitter because of the men who responded who didn't fit what I desired while the men I did ignored me. For me I was always polite but if he fit something I specifically said no to I would reply back and tell him that. Some said they appreciated my honesty but of course others got nasty.
I totally get everything you said here and I agree, and I realize when a woman does not respond that she is probably just not interested as our profiles may not match like you just said. I'm refering more to the women who do take time to respond to messages and compliment my look or say hey, I like this hobbie too! ect...but yet after asking them questions and follow up questions after they give answers, and they still have no questions for you or thoughts about your answers, this makes me think they are either self centered or simply do not know how to hold a conversation or make it flow. My rule has been that I make 2 or three efforts/messages and if they do not ask anything about me and what I think or what I like about the subject we are talking about...then I move on....and I have moved on a lot because of simple lack of communication that takes place all the time, which made me finally think of why other guys may not put effort into it anymore as much as I do.
I see...I understand...However again, their lack of not asking you about yourself does not mean they lack communication skills perhaps they are allowing you to lead the conversation?
Or they are not highly attracted to you however as another poster stated they are not riding you off just yet because they want to see what you are about...
Have you ever tried the approach after 1-2 exchanges stating something very simple like, "Would you like to know anything about me?" This forces them to come up with something if they do not? Then you know where they stand...
I do not feel there is a need for negative responses or for projecting our disdain for another person simply because they are not up to par with communication .
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
I think it just means they aren't all that interested in you, but aren't repulsed by you either. They are on the fence, hoping that a more interesting candidate comes along, but are giving you the chance to sell yourself to them. If you were to disappear, they would not care.
VERY TRUE...REPPED YOU TOO...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
I hate when men don't read my profile and respond though they are what I am not open to dating. In my profile I clearly stated I don't date dads and am only open to divorced men in specific instances which I mention. I'm also not open to a long distance relationship or men old enough to be my father. Guess who I got the most responses from? guys who either lived far away, had kids or much older. They weren't responding to my profile but the way I look then got mad when I rejected them. Many of them thought they were ENTITLED to date me because they thought I was hot.
Very true as well....I agree as I stated in my initial post that reading profiles while it may seem redundant and ridiculous often times can save someone time from responding to a pm or sending one since you know while you may find them attractive they are not what you are looking for..
"Doomed from the beginning rings true here."
And the fact as you sated all those people that do not fit your criteria sending you messages and then have the audacity to send you a following message after you have to reiterate what you have already stated in your profile with what I call "Hate mail."
There is no need for this period, end of story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
Unfortunately my experience with online dating has made me bitter because of the men who responded who didn't fit what I desired while the men I did ignored me. For me I was always polite but if he fit something I specifically said no to I would reply back and tell him that. Some said they appreciated my honesty but of course others got nasty.
Do not allow others to make you bitter..You are bitter because you are allowing them to have power over you...My thoughts on this is very simple..
While it is frustrating to have those that you are not attracted to does not warrant ill treatment but as you stated a kind explanation as to why you are not going to continue messaging back and forth or let alone meeting them..There will be those mature enough to thank you for not wasting their time and at the very least taking the time to respond to them instead of flat out ignoring them.
Then there are those you find that you are attracted to that do not message you? Well I for one do not want anyone whom does not want me, I will not waste time thinking about those that do not want toget to know me, I realize that like me they are looking for someone else..
I had that on various and sundry boards and profiles, even the non-dating ones. My line was something like, "If you'd like to strike up a conversation, please show me you actually read my profile."
I did that because I was sick and tired of inappropriate or incompatible men who very obviously just looked at the pictures and decided to send whatever form letter they were using or comment on face or my body.
All of those who did show me they read my profile got responses, and quite a few of them got dates, if they were contacting me through a dating site. Those who contacted me on social networks or message boards became my friends, most of them "real-life" friends, male and female alike. And one of them is my SO.
So, ignore the person's request if you like, but that really just implies that you don't give a crap about actually connecting with the person if you can't take the 30 seconds to find something in the profile to open with, and that you care more about doing what you want, which is probably not going to impress any woman worth her salt.
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