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The term "baggage" contains judgment. It is a put-down, meant to reduce one's existence to value in "the market."
With the advent of Barbie doll people (fake boobs, hair, nails, et al) and porn, many men seem to think that women should be dolls - not real people . . .so if you have had a relationship or two, have kids, whoa, "You've got baggage," you're flawed - you have no market value - you're basically worthless - worth- less . . .than the plastic doll version . . .
People have no baggage, just positive or negative life experiences. Some people process their "stuff" and others bury it and never deal with it and it comes out sideways anyway - those are the people who judge OTHERS as having "baggage."
If anyone wants to step forward to judge others as having baggage, I would like to interogate them to see what their deal is.
The term "baggage" contains judgment. It is a put-down, meant to reduce one's existence to value in "the market."
With the advent of Barbie doll people (fake boobs, hair, nails, et al) and porn, many men seem to think that women should be dolls - not real people . . .so if you have had a relationship or two, have kids, whoa, "You've got baggage," you're flawed - you have no market value - you're basically worthless - worth- less . . .than the plastic doll version . . .
People have no baggage, just positive or negative life experiences. Some people process their "stuff" and others bury it and never deal with it and it comes out sideways anyway - those are the people who judge OTHERS as having "baggage."
If anyone wants to step forward to judge others as having baggage, I would like to interogate them to see what their deal is.
Anyone worth dating has baggage. I rather deal with their baggage than give them their first piece...
Tremendous! What a great way to see it.
Everyone has something. Everyone has at least something they are concerned about, possibly bad habits or people in their life they cannot disconnect with (exes if they have kids themselves, Immediate family etc) Or past traumas and experiences that shape up into who we are good, bad or indifferent. What matters is how one manages it. You can manage stress, situations in life or let it manage you. I reminded myself of that just last night as a matter of fact.
I remember that a few years ago I was very attracted to a wonderful but very married man - the attraction came along before I or my friends knew he was attached. My buddies, who worked with him, were trying to set us up. I saw just enough to develop a crush before learning that he was about to become engaged. My crush lasted until well after his wedding, and my friends knew that it bothered me that I was crushing on a married guy.
One day, while I was out running errands with one of them, he turned to me in the middle of a conversation in which my crush was mentioned (but not that I had a crush on him) and said "Yeah, X is a great guy, but don't you get the feeling he's never had a bad day in his life? He's never been tested or had to struggle. It's weird."
Then the discussion was tilted back to the original topic. Crush over. My buddy, who knew me well, understood that I couldn't be with someone who hadn't been put through the wringer a time or two - how else could they understand the stuff I've gone through? So I guess I need someone with at least a little baggage.
i was one of the rare ones who had none until a year ago. oh well. at least it made me less judgemental. and now im a believer of the phrase - s-h-i-t happens.
Everyone has some sort of baggage. And, what is baggage to some people, isn't baggage to others. But even teenagers have baggage, and at that point we have a clean slate dating wise, but we still have life experiences/or lack of which cause us baggage of different types. And, baggage issues we solve at some point in our lives gets replaced with new baggage from other life experience.
If society didn't have baggage, everyone would be married and happy and ever after forever. IMO anyway.
Humans err, so how there could be anyone with no baggage?
But there are those who have an extraordinary amount...some would not want to deal with them, at least not on a long term basis.
Like me for instance....my enormous baggage is only able to be carried around by a red caboose
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual
I keep reading threads on here that go like this:
The OP says "I am having a relationship problem." It gets discussed back and forth with a few responses and then someone pipes up (particularly if the OP is female) saying "You are bad at picking mates! You have to go to therapy. Obviously, you are attracted to horrible men with lots of baggage." without having any real insight into the OP's history or state of mind.
This annoys me because I truly don't think that people exist who do not have SOME kind of baggage. There are the usual kinds-- dysfunction in the family, difficulty with exes, general problems with motivation in life, commitment issues, confidence issues, etc. Then there are more serious kinds: mental illness, addictive behaviors, trouble with kids from previous relationships (custody battles), trouble with the law, bankruptcies or severe money problems, and on and on. Some of these can bridge from typical to serious, some are red flags, but I think that all of us have at least a small carry on of baggage (even purse size) that we bring with us when we meet someone else. The idea that we can always avoid anyone with baggage in order to pick a "good" partner who will never act out or be unreasonable is hard to believe. Likewise, learning to deal with and overcome some of these issues can actually provide valuable skills in coping and relating to others.
So what do you think? Do you know anyone who is absolutely baggage free? And what sorts of baggage are acceptable to you? What sorts are not?
^^THIS. And also the baby mama, baby daddy drama that comes with it.
The baby daddy/baby mama is horrible in most cases I know that I advise any childless person to avoid unless the parent is so amazing or they are desperate. However if it's someone with multiple babies out of wedlock (especially by more than one person)they should always avoid unless they plan to be the next person with out of wedlock child.
The term "baggage" contains judgment. It is a put-down, meant to reduce one's existence to value in "the market."
If anyone wants to step forward to judge others as having baggage, I would like to interogate them to see what their deal is.
Everyone has baggage and, yes, it implies marketability. There are different types of baggage and different brands. We can all choose what kind of baggage is unappealing, or tolerable, to each of us. The kind of baggage we don't want to deal with is then called a "deal breaker." Since some of the criteria I've had used to exclude me in the past has been fairly ridiculous, I don't have a problem with exercising that same right in return, and most of what I consider "baggage" comes down to basic practical issues. That's why you have 100 million singles in America.
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