Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,877,435 times
Reputation: 11862
Advertisements
How much does comparing yourself to others who may offer more than you - looks, personality, job, interests, machismo - whatever, affect your self-esteem and sense of value to the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay) when you go out dating, whether in real life or in the dating world?
I haven't really browsed a lot of other guy's profiles on dating sites, but I notice here in particular, a lot of women tend to go for a certain type: pretty average, likes working out in the gym, lifelong suburbanites - maybe I'm judging them too much and I know they've got their idiosyncrasies, but it does feel that a lot of women don't go for my 'type.' Also, those that do, just seem unapproachable. Being of an ethnicity that is not generally considered as often doesn't help. It's finding these open-minded, but not pretentious people that is the problem.
How much does comparing yourself to others who may offer more than you - looks, personality, job, interests, machismo - whatever, affect your self-esteem and sense of value to the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay) when you go out dating, whether in real life or in the dating world?
I haven't really browsed a lot of other guy's profiles on dating sites, but I notice here in particular, a lot of women tend to go for a certain type: pretty average, likes working out in the gym, lifelong suburbanites - maybe I'm judging them too much and I know they've got their idiosyncrasies, but it does feel that a lot of women don't go for my 'type.' Also, those that do, just seem unapproachable. Being of an ethnicity that is not generally considered as often doesn't help. It's finding these open-minded, but not pretentious people that is the problem.
Anyone feel the same way?
Nope.
Early on in my dating career I got the girl who was choosing between an NFL wide receiver and a professional body builder.
Never been worried about it since then.
Not every girl wants me, but I'll let them decide, I won't decide for them.
How much does comparing yourself to others who may offer more than you - looks, personality, job, interests, machismo - whatever, affect your self-esteem and sense of value to the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay) when you go out dating, whether in real life or in the dating world?
I haven't really browsed a lot of other guy's profiles on dating sites, but I notice here in particular, a lot of women tend to go for a certain type: pretty average, likes working out in the gym, lifelong suburbanites - maybe I'm judging them too much and I know they've got their idiosyncrasies, but it does feel that a lot of women don't go for my 'type.' Also, those that do, just seem unapproachable. Being of an ethnicity that is not generally considered as often doesn't help. It's finding these open-minded, but not pretentious people that is the problem.
Anyone feel the same way?
No.
You're being lazy and looking for excuses. If a person is unsuccessful in dating (and unconfident), they will attribute it to a certain physical characteristic (not good looking, too short, too tall, not rich, too rich, not white, too white, etc....I've heard them all) instead of acknowledging that the reason they aren't getting dates is something that is within their control.
Competition is competition. I don't think about it or care about it, but I know what I want and go after it.
How much does comparing yourself to others who may offer more than you - looks, personality, job, interests, machismo - whatever, affect your self-esteem and sense of value to the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay) when you go out dating, whether in real life or in the dating world?
I haven't really browsed a lot of other guy's profiles on dating sites, but I notice here in particular, a lot of women tend to go for a certain type: pretty average, likes working out in the gym, lifelong suburbanites - maybe I'm judging them too much and I know they've got their idiosyncrasies, but it does feel that a lot of women don't go for my 'type.' Also, those that do, just seem unapproachable. Being of an ethnicity that is not generally considered as often doesn't help. It's finding these open-minded, but not pretentious people that is the problem.
Anyone feel the same way?
There are a lot of people out there; some will be rated (by women) as better, while others will be rated (by women) as worse. You cannot control what others have to offer, so the best thing you can do is maximize your qualities. This involves appearance, health/fitness, career, finances, personality, style and many other factors.
If I compared myself to every other woman out there I'd go crazy. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, skinnier, richer, etc. You will never win if you base your worth in the dating world on other people.
Back when I was dating, if I was pursuing a girl and got the impression that she was also taking applications from other guys, I would quietly back out. Unless it was understood that all was just "casual." But if I was genuinely interested, I would not do "competition." Not because I was intimidated or insecure, but because I respected myself more than that. I was not the kind of guy who was going to share, nor would I have expected any woman to compete for me with other women.
I recall one girl with whom I had a serious interest. One night I picked her up for a date only to find she had two other guy friends who were going to "tag along." Three guys, one girl. Not my kind of date. A few nights later these same guys showed up at a ball game that I took this girl to. She was perfectly fine with it. About a week later it was a trip to an art gallery. Three guys, one girl touring a gallery. Hmm....that was it for me. In between these incidents I made it clear I was interested in dating her, and she seemed to be interested as well. I made it clear that we were going on a "date" and that didn't stop her from inviting two other guys. A few months later she left me a voicemail and asked why I disappeared. I tried to explain to her why, and she insisted that they were just friends. Fair enough, but I don't really want "friends" hanging around when I am trying to get to know someone. It changes a lot. The group dynamic, the intimacy, etc. At any rate by the time she made this call I was pretty much pursuing a relationship with someone else. Things happen for a reason, so I am not bitter nor was I when it happened. I just shrugged it off and figured that she either wasn't really interested in me or didn't have a clue about how to act in the early stages of a relationship.
How much does comparing yourself to others who may offer more than you - looks, personality, job, interests, machismo - whatever, affect your self-esteem and sense of value to the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay) when you go out dating, whether in real life or in the dating world?
I haven't really browsed a lot of other guy's profiles on dating sites, but I notice here in particular, a lot of women tend to go for a certain type: pretty average, likes working out in the gym, lifelong suburbanites - maybe I'm judging them too much and I know they've got their idiosyncrasies, but it does feel that a lot of women don't go for my 'type.' Also, those that do, just seem unapproachable. Being of an ethnicity that is not generally considered as often doesn't help. It's finding these open-minded, but not pretentious people that is the problem.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
