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I'm still seeing the glass as more than half-full, on her part. He's been with her 9 years. In the beginning, there was a problem. Problem went away, and only now, roughly 9 years later, has resurfaced. That's approx. 8 years of normalcy. So this isn't chronic behavior. I think the situation is workable, if the guy truly cares about her, which we don't know for sure, but it's sounding like he may be judgmental and a bit cold, so ... maybe she's better off without him? We need more info.
She's been puking all along, trust me.
He's just realised it.
His stalky obsessive behaviour is clearly unhealthy and may well be the cause/trigger for her purging.
BTW everyone reading this thread probably knows at least one bulimic and has no idea. They usually maintain a reasonable weight, and are very good at hiding it.
Last edited by MsAnnThrope; 12-25-2012 at 04:08 PM..
About 9 years ago, I caught my girlfriend throwing up. I made her promise she wouldn't do it again, and we started attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings. She said she didn't feel comfortable with the people in the group and didn't want to see a professional, so we dropped it.
Just recently, she started again. It's a common scenario : We go out to eat, she claims she's going to take a shower, closes the bathroom door firmly, runs the water for a while, and comes out like nothing has happened. In a few hours, she's hungry again.
She works in the entertainment business, and most of her co-workers are thin with perfect bodies. She's been taking phentermine and has stepped up her working out/dieting, and for a while the pills were helping. She's big-boned, and her body's natural set-point is to carry extra weight, so she's obviously battling nature. I've been ignoring the bulimia under the rationalization that she's under a lot pressure to look good for her work. I know this is an unacceptable outlook. She is successful and very much enjoys her job, so changing careers/retirement is not an option.
I installed a hidden camera in the bathroom and now have proof. I knew this was a questionable tactic, but I needed to be 100% certain. Additionally, her mother is ignorant and will back her if I come forward with suspicions, so the video is the only "ammunition" I've got if I need to bring her in.
My biggest problem is the distrust/secrecy. Is it time for me to throw in the towel?
If you want to throw in the towel, yes it is time.
His stalky obsessive behaviour is clearly unhealthy and may well be the cause/trigger for her purging.
BTW everyone reading this thread probably knows at least one bulimic and has no idea. They usually maintain a reasonable weight, and are very good at hiding it.
I think she should take responsibility for her own actions and blame for her illness should not be cast on the op.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trishguard
I think she should take responsibility for her own actions and blame for her illness should not be cast on the op.
The OP did take an extreme measure but since bulimia is a life-threatening I think the OP would rather have the girl get help and be p&*#ed that the OP went to this extreme than the OP do nothing and have the girl die knowing he could have done something.
Once again I say, the extreme circumstance in this situation causes me not to blame the OP for the extreme measure.
Here is an opposite proposal for the OP since several have pointed out the many ways he was wrong for recording her purging: You have confirmed you suspicions now dump her, but keep the record. Years from now when she hasn't sought help, has suffered serious health trauma, send the recording to her family and let them know you knew about this. See what kind of reaction you get then.
If you're really that concerned, instead of installing surveillance cameras (which is an entirely different issue), you could have had her put into involuntary treatment. It's an illness, and she's a danger to herself. Instead, you opted for the very creepy and invasive route.
Having someone committed to involuntary treatment isn't much better, creepiness or invasiveness wise.
I'm not getting the hate towards the OP for the cameras.
Just ask her, huh? If this woman went through all this trouble of hiding it for nine years - I agree that she probably never stopped- she won't just fess up when asked.
That said, why would you just walk out on her, OP? If you care about her (no ring after nine years?), leaving her when she needs you most doesn't scram fire better or worse in sickness and health.
Stupid reasons like this is why relationships don't work. OP your GF is SICK & wants help! Do you really think she wants to be like this? You can't spend 9 years with someone & give up because they lied to you about NOT being sick. You knew she was sick when you met her & NOW your dumping her???
Again I guess I don't understand if you love her then work it with her take care of her. Shame on you for giving up her. She is better off without you anyhow.
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