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A couple months ago I was complaining about dating and a coworker brought me this book called "The Rules" as a joke. Feeling frustrated a few days ago, I decided maybe I should give it a read. According to the Rules I've been doing everything wrong. The Rules say women don't ask out men first, they always let him pay, they don't have sex too quickly, they don't return his calls right away. Basically they say you let the man pursue you and you always leave him wanting more.
I laughed and rolled my eyes at this, but what I've been doing isn't working, and I'm thinking maybe there is something to the Rules. When I'm dating someone I try make sure our communication is equal. I will text or call him first, I'll make suggestions for dates, I offer to pay, I try to be open and honest and make it clear that I am interested in him. According to a lot of guys here this is what men want - they don't want to play games and they appreciate women who make an effort. I try never to be smothering. If I call or text I wait for his response. I have my own life - friends, family, hobbies, etc. I have a good stable job, a nice apartment, little debt or drama...I work out and take care of myself and I know I'm decent looking.
Maybe trying to be equal doesn't work because men and women aren't really equal. Maybe I should be more aloof, less available, harder to get. I don't think I've ever had so many issues with dating and guys flaking out, not being ready for relationships, guys with their lives not together until I started online dating, so maybe my problem isn't my behavior, but the type of guys I'm meeting on Match...I don't know. Should I follow the Rules? Can it work? Is being available and open a turn off to guys because there's no challenge?
You're cute. You don't need to follow any rules. Just give up the online dating and stop trying so hard. I know you probably want to be married by 30 and be on your way to having a family and whatnot, but putting that kind of pressure on yourself is likely to sabotage any relationship you have going forward until you can relax a little and take it as it comes. Amanda, Relax!
People keep posting stats like this. 90% of the men are after 10% of the women, and so on. But at the same time, the guys incessantly post that women have men lining up to date them, they get hit on all day. Does anyone (besides the women here) see a contradiction in this?
u might be confusing posting with advertising. u will see this alot with the "interracial dating" threads talking about how white girls are just crazy for AA men especially the OP. lines and lines of beautful white girls dying to meet him which is why he posts every friday and saturday night on CDF.
A couple months ago I was complaining about dating and a coworker brought me this book called "The Rules" as a joke. Feeling frustrated a few days ago, I decided maybe I should give it a read. According to the Rules I've been doing everything wrong. The Rules say women don't ask out men first, they always let him pay, they don't have sex too quickly, they don't return his calls right away. Basically they say you let the man pursue you and you always leave him wanting more.
I laughed and rolled my eyes at this, but what I've been doing isn't working, and I'm thinking maybe there is something to the Rules. When I'm dating someone I try make sure our communication is equal. I will text or call him first, I'll make suggestions for dates, I offer to pay, I try to be open and honest and make it clear that I am interested in him. According to a lot of guys here this is what men want - they don't want to play games and they appreciate women who make an effort. I try never to be smothering. If I call or text I wait for his response. I have my own life - friends, family, hobbies, etc. I have a good stable job, a nice apartment, little debt or drama...I work out and take care of myself and I know I'm decent looking.
Maybe trying to be equal doesn't work because men and women aren't really equal. Maybe I should be more aloof, less available, harder to get. I don't think I've ever had so many issues with dating and guys flaking out, not being ready for relationships, guys with their lives not together until I started online dating, so maybe my problem isn't my behavior, but the type of guys I'm meeting on Match...I don't know. Should I follow the Rules? Can it work? Is being available and open a turn off to guys because there's no challenge?
Throw that book in the garbage and PLEASE keep doing what you feel is natural. If you see a guy you want, go get him, if he does not want you back keep trying. I applaud you & appreciate your efforts.
In the beginning of dating, the "Rules" make a lot of sense. They will help you with weeding out the players. And find men who are genuinely interested in you. What is the point of paying for dates with a guy who really is not serious about you? If he is, he has no problem paying for dates. Then, after a few dates, surprise him and pick up the tab for the entire night. And never, never call a man after a first date. That is his opportunity to decide what he wants. Do not text, or e mail. Just wait. He does not call, he is not that into you. May sound dumb, but it is not.
I never followed the rules. I thought they were stupid. And had bad relationships with men who did not appreciate me. Once I started following some rules, things got much better.
u might be confusing posting with advertising. u will see this alot with the "interracial dating" threads talking about how white girls are just crazy for AA men especially the OP. lines and lines of beautful white girls dying to meet him which is why he posts every friday and saturday night on CDF.
?? This has nothing to do with inter-racial dating. It's a contradiction that comes up almost weekly. Someone just posted minutes before your stat post that women get hit on all day. And the OP for this thread is female.
Men have about 100 rules they need to follow. 1) Be Educated. 2) Have a rock solid highly ambitious career 3) Be a good communicator 4) be sensitive 5) stay in shape 6) - 100) you fill in the blanks.
Women?? Give me a break. 1) Look as good as humanly possible. And then you can say "screw it" to the other 99 rules.
It only took a few episodes of the show 'Bridezillas' to make me wonder how women like that find men who wan to marry them while I'm alone.
As for the rules, I think if a woman shows any sort of attraction or makes it known she's available she's seen as easy. Being easy is apparently the worst thing a woman can be.
That show is so scary! I have no idea how those crazy chicks get someone to propose to them!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philosophizer
You're cute. You don't need to follow any rules. Just give up the online dating and stop trying so hard. I know you probably want to be married by 30 and be on your way to having a family and whatnot, but putting that kind of pressure on yourself is likely to sabotage any relationship you have going forward until you can relax a little and take it as it comes. Amanda, Relax!
Thanks...maybe this online dating is crap. I've never had problems like this with guys I met at work or through friends... I'm not in a rush to get married, but it would be nice to have someone who wants to do things together, to have a date to parties, and whatnot.
Men have about 100 rules they need to follow. 1) Be Educated. 2) Have a rock solid highly ambitious career 3) Be a good communicator 4) be sensitive 5) stay in shape 6) - 100) you fill in the blanks.
Women?? Give me a break. 1) Look as good as humanly possible. And then you can say "screw it" to the other 99 rules.
This should go on the "shallowness" thread. This just shows how shallow some men are, that good looks is all they expect from women.
So going back to following the rules. Do guys fall for women who act aloof and are harder to get than one who is open, honest, and makes it known she's available and want to date him?
If those men have options, the answer is no. Bc they don't have to deal with your aloofness and playing hard to get when another women is outgoing and shows interest.
If those men have options, the answer is no. Bc they don't have to deal with your aloofness and playing hard to get when another women is outgoing and shows interest.
But I'm saying the guy will probably want the girl who is being aloof. He will want what he feels he cannot have just for the challenge of proving that he CAN get her and meanwhile the woman who initiates contact and shows open interest will get kicked to the curb beause there's no chase involved. I'm not saying the aloof woman shows zero interest. She shows him some interest, but she keeps him guessing and she never pursues him first.
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