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Old 12-24-2012, 10:48 PM
 
12,997 posts, read 13,616,018 times
Reputation: 11187

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It's possible that the OP has feelings for the guy, but let's assume she doesn't for the sake of argument. It's still legitimate for her to be concerned about her friend for engaging in destructive behaviors. If she were posting about drugs or drinking, most on here would be sympathetic. I am not a moralist when it comes to sex, but unlike many apparently, I recognize that there are unhealthy sexual behaviors. Hooking up with random skanks at casual sex parties can deaden someone to the possibilities of a good relationship, which studies consistently show is the single biggest source for fullfillment and happiness in one's life. I think the OP's concern here is legit.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:06 PM
 
6,802 posts, read 6,695,550 times
Reputation: 1911
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
It's possible that the OP has feelings for the guy, but let's assume she doesn't for the sake of argument. It's still legitimate for her to be concerned about her friend for engaging in destructive behaviors. If she were posting about drugs or drinking, most on here would be sympathetic. I am not a moralist when it comes to sex, but unlike many apparently, I recognize that there are unhealthy sexual behaviors. Hooking up with random skanks at casual sex parties can deaden someone to the possibilities of a good relationship, which studies consistently show is the single biggest source for fullfillment and happiness in one's life. I think the OP's concern here is legit.
I didn't start off assuming she was into him. Just sounds like he was into her but was to shy to say anything, and she's taken.

Turns out her info is from his "friends", and maybe not from said guy.

Is this gossip she's hearing the actual truth?

Her concern might be legit, but explaining how she knows might be a bit awkward at this point.

Does the guy need the std/pregnancy talk?

Just talk to him them. But be prepared for the "I'm an adult" answer.

Good luck.

Last edited by Senno; 12-24-2012 at 11:20 PM..
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:11 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,264,049 times
Reputation: 6658
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelancholyRoses View Post
I have a guy friend of mine who waited till very recently to lose his virginity. He's 25. He's not unattractive or socially awkward, just a deer in headlights when it comes to sex.

When we met last year, he was extremely weird when it came to sex (he actually went home when I threw on Game of Thrones for a party I invited him to, the sex scenes freaked him out), mostly because his parents suck and tried to shield him from sex as much as possible, thinking it was going to turn him away from family/studies (they're very puritanical and conservative). After deciding he was tired of being married to his right hand (trust me, he was), he left his parents house and moved to NYC. This was in May. Despite his inadequacies with women and sex, he is otherwise a big sweetie, very respectful and is a perfect gentleman, though he often put women on the pedestal.

I just recently found out that not only has he lost his virginity.....he's juggling about THREE separate partners (that I know of), has been invited to and actually GOES to crazy fetish parties with weird people and has basically stopped searching hard for a girlfriend because he's more or less satisfied with having friends with benefits. That's gross.

I'm also starting to see that even though he's still a gentleman, he does not have the same respect for women. This was the kind of guy that would actually take his time when communicating he was attracted to someone, even though that never really worked out for him.

This is no way for someone to be introduced to sex. He hasn't even had girlfriend yet, and I was kind of heartbroken to hear him say "screw relationships, sex is awesome". A nice guy like him shouldn't be on the path to becoming a sleazeball, he should be keeping himself pure and reserved until he finds a good girl to match up with. He can leave the sleazy **** for people like us who have had enough bad experiences with sex that screwed us up.

I tried to talk to him about this, but he actually became quite miffed when I pressed him to stop with the sex and just hold out for a decent girl, not someone who's willing to shag him just for the sake of fun. I have a feeling all of this sex is going to make him a bad person.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Games of Thrones you say? And you're a lady? I'm sorry, that's not appropriate. Watching such filth will make you a bad person.

You, as a woman, discuss sex wit men? Not appropriate. You probably picked up this behavior because you watch films such as Game of Thrones.

And this party, where you watched this movie? Was it mixed gender? Were you accompanied my a male family member? If not, it was not appropriate for you to attend.


He's your friend, you can care about him. You can discuss it with him, but you can't control him. Just as a person with the above feelings can't control you.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:30 PM
 
12,997 posts, read 13,616,018 times
Reputation: 11187
Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
Games of Thrones you say? And you're a lady? I'm sorry, that's not appropriate. Watching such filth will make you a bad person.

You, as a woman, discuss sex wit men? Not appropriate. You probably picked up this behavior because you watch films such as Game of Thrones.

And this party, where you watched this movie? Was it mixed gender? Were you accompanied my a male family member? If not, it was not appropriate for you to attend.


He's your friend, you can care about him. You can discuss it with him, but you can't control him. Just as a person with the above feelings can't control you.
Fil, I see what you're doing here, and I think you're wrong. There is a healthy middle ground when it comes to sex. Again, the best analogy that comes to mind is an intoxicating substance like alcohol. Moderation is key. You can go too far in either extreme (teetoller or sloppy drunkenness). The OP sounds like she has a pretty healthy approach to sex. Her friends sounds like he's gone from one bad end of the spectrum to the other.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,264,049 times
Reputation: 6658
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
Fil, I see what you're doing here, and I think you're wrong. There is a healthy middle ground when it comes to sex. Again, the best analogy that comes to mind is an intoxicating substance like alcohol. Moderation is key. You can go too far in either extreme (teetoller or sloppy drunkenness). The OP sounds like she has a pretty healthy approach to sex. Her friends sounds like he's gone from one bad end of the spectrum to the other.
Why is it "bad"?
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:35 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,109,197 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelancholyRoses View Post
I have a guy friend of mine who waited till very recently to lose his virginity. He's 25. He's not unattractive or socially awkward, just a deer in headlights when it comes to sex.

When we met last year, he was extremely weird when it came to sex (he actually went home when I threw on Game of Thrones for a party I invited him to, the sex scenes freaked him out), mostly because his parents suck and tried to shield him from sex as much as possible, thinking it was going to turn him away from family/studies (they're very puritanical and conservative). After deciding he was tired of being married to his right hand (trust me, he was), he left his parents house and moved to NYC. This was in May. Despite his inadequacies with women and sex, he is otherwise a big sweetie, very respectful and is a perfect gentleman, though he often put women on the pedestal.

I just recently found out that not only has he lost his virginity.....he's juggling about THREE separate partners (that I know of), has been invited to and actually GOES to crazy fetish parties with weird people and has basically stopped searching hard for a girlfriend because he's more or less satisfied with having friends with benefits. That's gross.

I'm also starting to see that even though he's still a gentleman, he does not have the same respect for women. This was the kind of guy that would actually take his time when communicating he was attracted to someone, even though that never really worked out for him.

This is no way for someone to be introduced to sex. He hasn't even had girlfriend yet, and I was kind of heartbroken to hear him say "screw relationships, sex is awesome". A nice guy like him shouldn't be on the path to becoming a sleazeball, he should be keeping himself pure and reserved until he finds a good girl to match up with. He can leave the sleazy **** for people like us who have had enough bad experiences with sex that screwed us up.

I tried to talk to him about this, but he actually became quite miffed when I pressed him to stop with the sex and just hold out for a decent girl, not someone who's willing to shag him just for the sake of fun. I have a feeling all of this sex is going to make him a bad person.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First you complain that he is sexually awkward and then you complain because he got over it? STAY OUT OF HIS LIFE. Tend to your own life and leave him alone he is 25 years old and IT IS NOT YOUR CONCERN how he chooses to live his life. You are not his parent, guardian or family member.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:48 PM
 
12,997 posts, read 13,616,018 times
Reputation: 11187
Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
Why is it "bad"?
I'm not making a moral argument here. I think morally, whatever -- people do what they like and it's not really my business -- but there are healthy and unhealthy approaches to sex.

Studies show that the greatest source of human happiness is one's relationship to other people. Those people who have the strongest bonds are by far the happiest. The most important relationship by a long shot is one's romantic relationship to another person. Random, disorganized sexual encounters can get in the way of the formation of rewarding and fullfilling bonds, as seems to be happening in the case of the OP's friend. I can see how this would be a cause of concern for her.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:56 PM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,310,376 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
The sexually repressed are always the biggest freaks when they finally let loose.

Thank you conservative/religious parents!!!

CAPs (Catholic American Princesses), once let loose, are either (a) the biggest horndogs, (b) the biggest filers of emery boards, or (c) the most frigid and screwed up when it comes to enjoying intimacy.

I don't think this is a troll post. I think it's a guy who lost it only "slightly" behind schedule and is barking up the wrong tree to keep his supply going. It's the second part that worries me.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:03 AM
 
289 posts, read 395,595 times
Reputation: 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelancholyRoses View Post
I'm nosy and his friends have loose lips. They also *love* spreading the news about his newfound sex-romp and influencing it.

These are the same people that got him into drinking, weed and wild parties after he finished college. You know, just to "toughen" him up. :P
I think his biggest problem, parents aside, was becoming friends with your immature group.
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Old 12-25-2012, 05:49 AM
 
Location: On the Rails in Northern NJ
12,380 posts, read 26,804,080 times
Reputation: 4580
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimbo28 View Post
I think you liiiike him...

What kind of fetish parties? Like with furries?
The Furry fandom is not a fetish its a branch off Sci-Fi Fandom....
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