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Old 12-25-2012, 08:22 AM
 
9 posts, read 7,362 times
Reputation: 15

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No, kinky BDSM parties where people get tied up and hit and stuff and girls are acting all freaky/submissive. Not the type of place for someone fresh off his virginity!!!!
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Old 12-25-2012, 08:30 AM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,062,989 times
Reputation: 29347
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelancholyRoses View Post
Also, not trying to control his sex life, I'm just concerned.
*laughs hysterically at the irony.

Yes, you are. The title of the thread is "un-sexing" my friend. You said "he should be keeping himself pure" and that you "pressed him to stop with the sex". You are trying to impose your standards upon him and have him change what he wants to do to what you want him to do.
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Old 12-25-2012, 08:32 AM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,062,989 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
OP, I'll go ahead and be the lone voice of support here. I understand your sadness. Your friend went from one extreme to the other and both suck. It's sad to be a repressed fundie who doesn't enjoy and appreciate sex, and it's sad to be an oversexed weirdo caught in a morass of pornographic casual sex. It's best to be in a committed, fullfilling sexual relationship. Your friend will probably catch on some day.. most do.
Actually it's the OP that is the repressed fundie who said "sex isn't really a big deal anyway" therefore doesn't think it should be a big deal to anyone else. The guy friend always enjoyed sex (married to his right hand) but was just awkward with women and didn't know how to have it.
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Old 12-25-2012, 08:38 AM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,062,989 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MelancholyRoses View Post
I'm nosy and his friends have loose lips. They also *love* spreading the news about his newfound sex-romp and influencing it.

These are the same people that got him into drinking, weed and wild parties after he finished college. You know, just to "toughen" him up. :P
Maybe you're hearing embellished versions, especially if they know it bothers you and they get a kick out of getting you upset.
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Old 12-25-2012, 08:42 AM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,062,989 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MelancholyRoses View Post
It isn't a big deal at all, It's only a big deal when you personally make it a big deal. I'm just hoping he comes to realize that before his dick gets him into trouble.

Mind elaborating on how all of these vices will make him a better person? Seems like the opposite is happening.
You're projecting your values on others. For most young men, it's a big deal. And it rings hollow for someone like you who can get it regularly to preach it's no big deal to someone like him who has never had it (until lately).

It can make him better in that he'll stop putting women on a pedestal. Respecting is one thing but worshipping is unhealthy. It may also prevent him from taking up with the wrong women simply because she was the first one to share intimacy with him. Now it will take more than sex for him to fall in love, it'll take a personality too.
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Old 12-25-2012, 08:56 AM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,062,989 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
I'm not making a moral argument here. I think morally, whatever -- people do what they like and it's not really my business -- but there are healthy and unhealthy approaches to sex.

Studies show that the greatest source of human happiness is one's relationship to other people. Those people who have the strongest bonds are by far the happiest. The most important relationship by a long shot is one's romantic relationship to another person. Random, disorganized sexual encounters can get in the way of the formation of rewarding and fullfilling bonds, as seems to be happening in the case of the OP's friend. I can see how this would be a cause of concern for her.
Being sex deprived can get in the way as well. It becomes an albatross around a young man's neck and damages his self esteem, resulting in him being a pushover nice guy who takes up with the wrong girlfriend who takes his virginity then he is afraid to leave her even though they are not right for each other.

Besides, the OP has known this guy for a year, he's not some lifetime childhood friend. She has her ideas of how he should best live his life and how HE feels about it is irrelevant. The OP is having a Doolittle complex and this guy is her "project".
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Old 12-25-2012, 09:03 AM
 
12,997 posts, read 13,585,110 times
Reputation: 11187
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia View Post
Being sex deprived can get in the way as well. It becomes an albatross around a young man's neck and damages his self esteem, resulting in him being a pushover nice guy who takes up with the wrong girlfriend who takes his virginity then he is afraid to leave her even though they are not right for each other.

Besides, the OP has known this guy for a year, he's not some lifetime childhood friend. She has her ideas of how he should best live his life and how HE feels about it is irrelevant. The OP is having a Doolittle complex and this guy is her "project".
Eh, I think the other posters are being too harsh on her. She's concerned for her friend, and I think her concerns are somewhat valid. Skank culture can harden and deaden a person.
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Old 12-25-2012, 09:38 AM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,062,989 times
Reputation: 29347
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
Eh, I think the other posters are being too harsh on her. She's concerned for her friend, and I think her concerns are somewhat valid. Skank culture can harden and deaden a person.
She's known him for a year. I doubt she even knows him that well, she's in her own relationship. She is just a nosy meddler who knows best how other people should live their lives.
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Old 12-25-2012, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Australia
4,001 posts, read 6,250,099 times
Reputation: 6854
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelancholyRoses View Post
No, kinky BDSM parties where people get tied up and hit and stuff and girls are acting all freaky/submissive. Not the type of place for someone fresh off his virginity!!!!
In your opinion.

Some of us think that's exactly the sort of place they should go.

It would be life changing for the middle aged male virgins on this site, for example.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:24 PM
 
9 posts, read 7,362 times
Reputation: 15
Thought I'd get some help here, not vilification.

Fine, I'll just leave him be. Pardon me for having some genuine ****ing concern for a friend.
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