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Old 12-28-2012, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,165 posts, read 49,616,941 times
Reputation: 66862

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Hey, guys!
So I have a question for y'all.

My son was rifling through a desk I have had since 1998. It's in his playroom and currently holds boxes of his outgrown clothes. But being an infant, he likes to rifle through everything and pull crap out.

He found a computer disk from 1999-2002. Belongs to my ex (we broke up in 2005 - I have been married to my wife since 2008). It was a pretty bad break-up, as she believed 'it came out of nowhere' and I started dating my now wife shortly after. So I haven't had contact with my ex, because she thinks I am the devil.

I put it in my computer to see what it was, and I saw it was a disk from the year she spent abroad in Germany. It had letters, projects, literature stuff, lectures from her classes, etc. I didn't go through it all; just enough to see the file names.

Originally, I was just going to pitch it. But after I saw it had her trip stuff on it, I had second thoughts. I mean, I would want my disk with all the stuff I did on my cool year abroad. I asked my wife, and she said, "Please. I'd just throw it away. If she hasn't noticed it this long, why would she care now?"

I agree with that part, but I also know if someone found one of the diaries I always kept when I studied abroad, I would REALLY want it back.

To complicate things, I haven't talked to my ex since 2006...because, like I said, she hates my guts and I choose to respect her wanting to not have to think about us or our break-up. Our mutual friends said it was really, really hard for her. And frankly, life has gone on. I'm leery of initiating contact, even if it's just an envelope with the disk in it.

What do you guys think? Thanks for your time.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,459 posts, read 1,440,389 times
Reputation: 1373
I'd probably toss it...but that's just me.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Canada
8,692 posts, read 7,742,508 times
Reputation: 17896
I'd feel the same as you and wouldn't be able to throw it out. If it was mine, I'd want it, even if I'd forgotten about it.

I'd mail it with a brief note just saying "found this in the bottom of a clothing box and thought you might like it back". It's not an invitation to communicate, but no matter how I felt about my ex, I couldn't just throw those things in the garbage, even if he didn't remember they existed.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:07 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,896,860 times
Reputation: 42368
Could one of your mutual friends be a diplomatic liaison? I would have a hard time destroying someone else's property, especially something potentially important. Perhaps a friend could approach her on your behalf?
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,165 posts, read 49,616,941 times
Reputation: 66862
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Could one of your mutual friends be a diplomatic liaison? I would have a hard time destroying someone else's property, especially something potentially important. Perhaps a friend could approach her on your behalf?
You know, lol, I just thought of that. Except we live in different cities. I suppose I could have one of our mutual friends mail it, though then would that seem like I'm being weird and purposely going out of my way to not be part of the contact?
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:09 AM
 
Location: In The Thin Air
11,132 posts, read 7,183,185 times
Reputation: 7968
Sell it on EBay and let your ex wife know it is there.

Honestly I would send it back but that is me.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:09 AM
 
12,980 posts, read 12,378,882 times
Reputation: 37148
I'd mail it. No return address, a post-it note explaining what it is. I don't think it will send her into a downward spiral
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:09 AM
 
15,732 posts, read 17,242,905 times
Reputation: 12728
Ohhh, that's a tough one.

I will say, that is something I would really want back if it were me. You can't replace or duplicate those notes, memories, etc. You know her well enough to know if she would be thankful to have that kind of "history" back in her possession.

I once had my computer crash a few years ago (I know, not the same thing) but I lost a few files that I wish I could get back because they were really important to me. Learned that lesson the hard way. To this day it still irks me that I can't recover some of the files (and I still have the computer, just in case one day someone can figure it out!).

Anyhow, my point is she would probably LOVE to have the disc back, even if it dredges up a few unwelcome memories or feelings. I'd just put it in an envelope and have a mutual friend deliver it to her with a note that is to the point. You found it, thought it would be important to her and didn't want to toss it in the trash.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Mountains of Oregon
15,063 posts, read 16,997,900 times
Reputation: 10257
I would mail it or just hang onto it. If your ex wants it she will contact you to see if it's still around your home.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,165 posts, read 49,616,941 times
Reputation: 66862
Wow...I am honestly surprised at how many people say I should mail it to her.
I really thought it would go the other way.

Btw, reps all around.
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