Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Both considered cheating. An emotional affair is the worst kind of affair imo; it involves the heart. I personally, don't tolerate any level of infidelity.
I once saw a prostitute after being denied sex (and emotional support) for a long time from my wife. She found out about it and retaliated by having a year long emotional (love) affair with someone. (yes the marriage was bad and we should have divorced much earlier)......
The problem is that we have 3 beautiful children whom we both adore and have decided to make things work for their sake. (we don't fight in front of them and provide them a very stable loving home)
I am struggling with what she did though. I feel like my spending $300 on an escort and having "safe sex" with her for 10 minutes was nowhere NEAR the offense have of having a full blown love affair with someone.
I feel like all I was seeking was some physical release for a few minutes with a woman who meant nothing to me and whom I would never see again. My wife on the other hand went out and spent over a year having a full blown love affair (and introduced my children to him!) all without me knowing a thing about it!
The problem that I am having is that she does not recognize how wrong what she did is. Every time I try to get her to apologize to me she basically says "you started it by cheating on me with the prostitute, you got what you deserved" (or some variation of that)......Basically it's ALL my fault.
Do you agree? Do you feel I should just suck it up and accept what happened, and that I had it coming based on my actions? Or, does anybody feel like I do that "two wrongs don't make a right" and DESPITE what I did it was STILL wrong for her to retaliate that way?
Furthermore, is there anybody that would agree that on the scale of "offenses" seeing a prostitute once for nothing more than 10 minutes of (safe) physical release (with no intentions of breaking up your family) is not as serious as going out and having a full blown emotional affair for a year and falling in love with them with the possible intentions of leaving your spouse and breaking up your family?
Bottom line, I have apologized profusely to my wife for what I did...
Does SHE OWN ME A HUGE APOLOGY TOO?
Thank you so much for your feedback, we are trying to make things work but are really stuck here......
I have a bit of a different perspective on this:
First of all, no offense but she doesn't owe you a thing. You knew you were betraying her trust, she was right to be angry. She was WRONG, tho, to embark on a course of action designed to hurt you: 2 wrongs have never added up to a right, ever.
While I acknowledge that any betrayal of trust is a wrong thing, period, I do have to consider the fact that, by seeing a professional, you're minimizing the potential fallout... A prostitute isn't going to call you at home, complain that you don't spend enough time with her... Etc. So I see the point.
I was recently cheated on by my long term boyfriend, first with an escort, then, with a woman he found after actively seeking a non professional woman to have an affair with. I feel FAR more hurt by the latter. The hooker wasn't a threat to our home, our life together. The emotionally damaged woman looking for a married man to have sex with, for (i suppose) the thrill of it, and not for compensation: that affair was a time bomb, so far as my domestic life was concerned. He had no way of knowing what kind of person he was bringing into his life, and by doing so, into my life as well.
I see a lot of posts here condemning the act of seeing a prostitute on the grounds of risking venereal diseases, etc..I have to call bulls**t on that. The truth is, and there are studies that bear this out time again, that a promiscuous nonprofessional woman is at far greater risk of carrying venereal disease than a professional prostitute.
So again, betrayal of trust is absolutely, categorically wrong... But I have to believe that seeing a professional prostitute is by far the lesser of evils here.
Last edited by ZoeGalanis; 04-10-2015 at 05:32 PM..
Reason: typos, incomplete.
Many men see sex as just filling a need - like eating. You eat and you are no longer hungry / you have sex [with anyone] and then you no longer have the urge.
To many men, sex can be a *separate* thing from a love relationship. It is common for men who travel on business to get their needs met with whoever they can find - it means nothing.
But with many women I know or have known, sex is part of *love* and a relationship - to have sex with another person is to say you *love* someone else!
So yes I see that your fooling around with the prostitute was nothing to you - just a mechanical thing. And I also see why the wife was ticked and then went off to have a "relationship" with someone else.
If she can not understand this is nothing to you, then don't tell her you did it!
Also if she is not giving it to you, then in my book you can and should get your needs met elsewhere.
By the logic that she wasn't meeting his sexual needs so it's okay for him to cheat, you are giving her permission to have an emotional affair. He wasn't meeting her needs either.
Basically the marriage was over the minute he sought out a prostitute. They are both wrong and just need to get out.
I'd take my man screwing a hooker over an emotional affair any day (not that it would personally occur in my relationship)
Sex is just sex but emotions are emotions. You are talking two TOTALLY different things here..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
