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For me you will have to deal with much more than just dating issues.. The single parent already has a family of their own and they have to juggle so much to fit you in. Then there's the adjustment of the child you have to cut the children time with their parent just so you all can go out and have fun.
One point that hasn't been brought up is how it affects your own life goals: i.e. if you want to marry and have kids of your own. While this may not be an issue for some parents, there are quite a few with a "been there, done that" approach to this, and won't want to remarry and have any more children.
I think this is a good point. I haven't completely given up on the idea of adopting someday but most men in my age range, especially those in their 40's who had kids young, are going to be close to being "done" (I know a parent is never done; by that I mean the kid(s) are teens and/or already out of the house) and probably aren't going to want to start over. So I'd really have to think long and hard as to whether or not I am truly okay with not having a family of my own and instead being included yet still kept on the sidelines of someone else's.
I tried dating a single father and honestly if I were out there looking........never again if I can really help it. The baby mama drama was just obnoxious. Everything was around his visitation schedule, he still provided financial help to the ex and I was being thrown in the "step-mom" shoes. Meaning he would have errands or training to do and ask me to watch his 8 yr old son which I didn't mind at first but I really felt it was way too soon for me to be a "step-mom" 3 months in the relationship. He rarely had money which wasn't a big deal at first because I make a good living but then I started to feel used and a bit like a cash cow when I was always paying for everything from dates to little gifts for his kid I would bring over. Dating a single parent affect lifestyle as well. I wanted to travel, do (running) races out of state, go do fun different things and he could never do it because he didn't have the finances or time to do it. I wanted to travel internationally for 3 weeks and we got in a fight because he wanted to go but couldn't. He was jealous and lashed out at me and I felt like he was holding me back from my goals, passions and lifestyle. He was a good father but I was always on the back burner or supporting role which I completely understood....his child SHOULD come first but I admit, I don't have children and so I want a SO that doesn't either. I tried it, and if I can help it I won't date a single parent in my current situation.
95% of your story is similar to one of mine . The person I was involved with had 2 kids (12 and 14) instead of 1, however, the never-ending drama you described (feeling like a cash cow, playing the step-mom role, his jealousy/insecurity, being held back from travel, goals, passions and lifestyle, etc.) is spot on.
When it comes to ending drama-filled relationships some people like to say "I can do BAD on my own," however, I like to say "I can do BETTER on my own ."
Why are kids a deal-breaker for you? I notice this more with men who won't date single mothers, although it can happen with women not dating single dads as well. Is it because the kids themselves drive you nuts and you don't like having them around? Or is it for financial reasons, because you fear that your significant other would guilt you into helping financially support a kid who is not yours? Or is there some other reason i have not thought of?
Besides the men that don't want children in the first place.....based on the ones that do: they don't want to spend time or money on another man's children. And the other thing is they don't want to be 'responsible' after the fact for the child if the relationship goes south. IMO, I think it has to do with ego (the child isn't mine biologically, therefore is irrelevant/nothing to me personally) and obsession with money more then anything else. The main interest is on the woman/the mother because they can't get anything from the child worth noting.
1. I don't really care for other people's kids and certainly don't want to take care of someone else's.
2. Too much baggage with the ex who will always be in the kid's life.
3. Can't handle the responsibility.
4. There is only one person I'd feel comfortable having kids with.
5. So many moms are just like MY KID IS MY LIFE, good lord, yuck. Get your own life.
1. I don't really care for other people's kids and certainly don't want to take care of someone else's.
2. Too much baggage with the ex who will always be in the kid's life.
3. Can't handle the responsibility.
4. There is only one person I'd feel comfortable having kids with. 5. So many moms are just like MY KID IS MY LIFE, good lord, yuck. Get your own life.
Oh dear god, so if we care about our kids we're bad people? Seriously grow up
Oh dear god, so if we care about our kids we're bad people? Seriously grow up
way to exaggerate what i said. there's a difference between caring about your kid and making them the sole thing in your life, which i see with way too many moms. not to mention, this typically leads to shy kids, who are secured in by their mothers, whom don't see the effect it is having on the kid's social development. seriously, learn some comprehension skills.
way to exaggerate what i said. there's a difference between caring about your kid and making them the sole thing in your life, which i see with way too many moms. not to mention, this typically leads to shy kids, who are secured in by their mothers, whom don't see the effect it is having on the kid's social development. seriously, learn some comprehension skills.
You do know it's possible for a child to be his/her mothers everything and yet still develop normally??
way to exaggerate what i said. there's a difference between caring about your kid and making them the sole thing in your life, which i see with way too many moms. not to mention, this typically leads to shy kids, who are secured in by their mothers, whom don't see the effect it is having on the kid's social development. seriously, learn some comprehension skills.
To many women with children developing that child into a half way decent person IS their hobby. Taking them to museums, teaching them about history, music etc. What you're talking about are two different things; a mother coddling her child until they can't take care of of themselves.
Whether this applies to you or it doesn't, I notice there seems to be jealousy between the grown man and the child. It's not said outright, but it's lurking in the background of some of the things they do say......Again, this is the reason I said before men don't want single mothers -- it's a blow to their egos. They want and need to be her only focus as it pertains to people (not activities and such). Everything is a competition to them, even if the competitor is a child.
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. The person I was involved with had 2 kids (12 and 14) instead of 1, however, the never-ending drama you described (feeling like a cash cow, playing the step-mom role, his jealousy/insecurity, being held back from travel, goals, passions and lifestyle, etc.) is spot on. 
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