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I once dated a girl a couple of times and since she never mentioned she had a kid (It didn't even cross my mind to ask) it was a complete shock when after our 4th date she told me she had a 3 year old daughter. That was the last time we dated lol.
If I wanted kids, I don't think I would have a problem with dating a single parent. That probably has to do with my upbringing though, my stepdad was the only good parent I had out of 3 and we are still quite close today. It's moreso because I don't want kids that I wouldn't date a parent, not because I have an issue with it being someone else's biological kid.
Like said, it's just dating. I was talking to a woman last night who was attractive and mentioned that she was looking forward to dating after being divorced for a year. Of course that was an open invite for me to ask her out. She mentioned that she had 4 kids and worked 2 jobs. I got her #, but other than an occasional date I don't think there would be any time for anything more
Like said, it just dating. I was talking to a woman last night who was attractive and mentioned that she was looking forward to dating after being divorced for a year. Of course that was an open invite for me to ask her out. She mentioned that she had 4 kids and worked 2 jobs. I got her #, but other than an occasional date I don't think there would be any time for anything more
Yeah, they all somehow got back on the "raising other people's kids" kick. It's just dating folks.
I know this is going to sound a lot like the fox calling the grapes sour, but you know, when I think about it, the type that thinks they are going to be interfering with how I (and her father) raise our daughter or the type that wants to move in with me and be part of my household and get all serious right away are exactly the type I don't want anyway... that was the very type that I ended things with quickly from OLD (the type to start talking marriage or serious committed relationship on the first date). It just comes across to me as controlling and needy. So maybe, in the end, it all works out as we mutuality don't want each other .
Yeah, they all somehow got back on the "raising other people's kids" kick. It's just dating folks.
I know this is going to sound a lot like the fox calling the grapes sour, but you know, when I think about it, the type that thinks they are going to be interfering with how I (and her father) raise our daughter or the type that wants to move in with me and be part of my household and get all serious right away are exactly the type I don't want anyway... that was the very type that I ended things with quickly from OLD (the type to start talking marriage or serious committed relationship on the first date). It just comes across to me as controlling and needy. So maybe, in the end, it all works out as we mutuality don't want each other .
"Yeah, they all somehow got back on the "raising other people's kids" kick"
No surprise. Raising other peoples kids sounds much more dramatic. Drama is always more popular so many gravitate there.
"the type that thinks they are going to be interfering with how I (and her father) raise our daughter"
That would actually serve as a good filtering mechanism.
" that was the very type that I ended things with quickly from OLD (the type to start talking marriage or serious committed relationship on the first date). It just comes across to me as controlling and needy"
Add Religous fanatics to that list. I have some great stories on this!
Yeah, they all somehow got back on the "raising other people's kids" kick. It's just dating folks.
And what does dating lead to?
Involvement.
It has nothing to do with marriage or whatever relationship status you want to throw on it. If you are seeing someone unless you hit it and quit it, they WILL at some point become involved in your personal affairs and become a part of your life.
This is why it is next to impossible to attempt to separate the two things. It's asking a lot of both sides involved not just the parent looking for love.
It Is a multilayered issue because it's not just one "issue" to deal with. This is why many just avoid it entirely and stick to the singles crowd where child welfare and interpersonal blending isn't a hurdle anyone will have to face.
You can say "it's just dating" all you want, but the simple fact is it's NOT that simple going forward.
"Yeah, they all somehow got back on the "raising other people's kids" kick"
No surprise. Raising other peoples kids sounds much more dramatic. Drama is always more popular so many gravitate there.
Yet some guys who got involved with single moms did end up looking after the kids.
The one who was interested in me would invite me out to the fairground with her and the kids (no) but I think it's naive not to consider that. If the relationship became serious and the guy developed a bond with the kids or they were always asking to see him, then wouldn't this be something wise to consider carefully before casually dating without a care in the world?
It's not about drama, it's about looking at the bigger picture. It may just be a date but it's not the same. Anyone who plans to date a single parent should be looking at the bigger picture because children are very sensitive to what's introduced into their lives.
It has nothing to do with marriage or whatever relationship status you want to throw on it. If you are seeing someone unless you hit it and quit it, they WILL at some point become involved in your personal affairs and become a part of your life.
This is why it is next to impossible to attempt to separate the two things. It's asking a lot of both sides involved not just the parent looking for love.
It Is a multilayered issue because it's not just one "issue" to deal with. This is why many just avoid it entirely and stick to the singles crowd where child welfare and interpersonal blending isn't a hurdle anyone will have to face.
You can say "it's just dating" all you want, but the simple fact is it's NOT that simple going forward.
Lots of people are involved in my life... family, friends, etc... none of them "raise my child." That's my big pet peeve, these guys that assume just because you are dating them that some day they are going to have control and say in how a child that is not theirs is raised. Like I said, my child has a father and he's involved in her life--we have joint custody. It's really presumptuous (and controlling) of a man to assume just because I date him he somehow magically gets to control the way I raise my child. I don't date men and assume suddenly I am going to be a mother to their teenaged kids--maybe a friend to them, but I will never replace their mom. I don't know why people have this hangup where they assume they are going to move in and bump the child's real parent aside.
But like I said, most men I've dated haven't made that assumption. We talk about our kids, but we don't talk about raising each others kids. In fact, just dating we never even met each others kids--the kids don't go on dates with us. The last man I dated, I dated for several months. We were much more close and even he never got involved with my daughter either except to give her a birthday present. He didn't have any kids.
And also like I said, maybe it's best that these kinds of people with this assumption of taking control aren't interested in me. They aren't interested in a relationship with kids and I am not interested in controlling people or, to be fair, people who are thinking commitment and being that involved in my life from the get go. In a way, it's win-win.
The biggest obstacle that I will concede makes it difficult to date me is that my daughter is not yet able to watch herself when I go out on a date. She's still too young for that. So it makes me less spontaneous and tied to a sitter or days when she's with her dad. Most of the men who want to date me are a little older and have teenaged kids so they are more free to leave the house in an evening.
Last edited by jillabean; 05-23-2014 at 07:08 AM..
I'm not planning on ever having kids so that is the main reason.
Also, I don't want to be part of a child's life knowing I'll never fully be able to deliver the love they deserve to get. No matter what people say, when a child is not your biological child but only your partner's child, the love you feel for them is different. Sure, you care about the kid but it's a different type of affection because there's no real bond (especially if the other parent is still in the picture). I know a lot of people will disagree with me but if I'm not able to love the child properly and treat them as if they were my very own, then I can't date the parent.
When you date a single parent, you have to take the child into consideration and it's not a responsibility I feel like putting on my shoulders. I wouldn't want to cause the child a heartache so it's better to stay away.
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