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Old 12-31-2012, 12:01 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
478 posts, read 594,887 times
Reputation: 323

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Alright, I'm not new to city-data, and I've posted on the relationships forum before but not much. I've not had any success at dating(I'm a guy). I was 14 when I had my last "girlfriend", I should say my only girlfriend. I wasn't much of a relationship either, because we were young, and there really wasn't anything there anyway. In the last 7 years I've had absolutely no luck at all in dating. I was a social outcast in high school, and this led me into depression. Long story short, I dropped out of high school. It's also continued into my young adult years too. The two jobs I've had, I quit. I've gone to some community college, but only had about a 2.0 grade average, and now I'm done with that too. I don't drive a car, I still live at my parents, and I currently have no employment. I don't have very many friends, and no friends that are girls. I'm also still a virgin too. I've been wanting a girlfriend for awhile now, and not for sex. I'd just really like a companion of the opposite sex.

Now this brings me to my question. I'm 20 years old right now, in about a month I'll be 21. Are bars good places for a young guy that age to hook up with women? I'm tired of the looking for dating/relationships, and always being the nice guy. I haven't been the guy who just wanted to hook up for sex in the first place. Now, I'm starting to think it's a waste and I should just look for the girls looking for the one night stands. So what are your opinions on this? Should I try and better myself first, and keep looking for a real relationship? Or should I just look to meet some women who can be fwbs, and are bars and clubs the best places to do that at?
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:14 AM
 
2,561 posts, read 2,223,194 times
Reputation: 1476
I do think bars can be a good place to meet gals if you're attractive, charismatic, or skilled in PUA tactics that are coercive psychological manipulation preferable those that break her self-esteem so she seeks your approval. I don't think you just really like a companion of the opposite sex since if that were the case you'd be looking to befriend gals not having sex with them and I'm pretty sure you want to have sex with your girlfriend.

In my opinion if you think it's a waste and want to pursue one night standards than go for it likely it's your true inclination and you're looking for some bs justification and rationalization. Perhaps brush up PUA as I find them quite effective for guys to manipulate gals into doing as they want as I doubt you have the charisma to attract in other ways considering you don't have many friends and no friends that are gals.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:19 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,420 posts, read 39,942,794 times
Reputation: 41890
I think women in bars aren't all bad... I've met a few decent women that way... I think bars have a real bad rep in terms of that sorta thing...

Why the F are there millions and millions of bars around and millions of people go to them, yet everyone says all this negative stuff about meeting that way... which is a bunch of horshyt, if you ask me...

Like meeting women while squeezing the avocados is so much better....
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:19 AM
 
Location: Bronx
16,198 posts, read 18,666,783 times
Reputation: 8161
If your a good lookinc guy or a guy with money then bars are a good place for you.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:35 AM
 
1,203 posts, read 1,303,618 times
Reputation: 1101
Quote:
Originally Posted by udolipixie View Post
I do think bars can be a good place to meet gals if you're attractive, charismatic, or skilled in PUA tactics that are coercive psychological manipulation preferable those that break her self-esteem so she seeks your approval. I don't think you just really like a companion of the opposite sex since if that were the case you'd be looking to befriend gals not having sex with them and I'm pretty sure you want to have sex with your girlfriend.

In my opinion if you think it's a waste and want to pursue one night standards than go for it likely it's your true inclination and you're looking for some bs justification and rationalization. Perhaps brush up PUA as I find them quite effective for guys to manipulate gals into doing as they want as I doubt you have the charisma to attract in other ways considering you don't have many friends and no friends that are gals.
While I despise the guys that use these methods I can't fault guys for trying. Girls that fall to these guys are usually idiotic in their actions and don't get smart about it the first couple of times. I still despise these guys, but when it's working you can understand why they do it....as a guy.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:38 AM
 
Location: Westminster, CO
904 posts, read 1,165,447 times
Reputation: 1245
I think a lot of that has to do with the bar. Some bars do not cater to meeting someone with whom a relationship is possible. Others have a different clientele.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:38 AM
 
662 posts, read 1,039,250 times
Reputation: 675
I met my now ex-wife in a bar,that's where the woman are.I was 22 at the time.
That relationship lasted 12 years (married) another 4 years dating.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:41 AM
 
2,561 posts, read 2,223,194 times
Reputation: 1476
Quote:
Originally Posted by dejaentendu19 View Post
While I despise the guys that use these methods I can't fault guys for trying. Girls that fall to these guys are usually idiotic in their actions and don't get smart about it the first couple of times. I still despise these guys, but when it's working you can understand why they do it....as a guy.
Understandable as in my observations most guys have little qualms when it comes sex and tend to be quite understanding and rarely faulting of using manipulation, coercision, and force when it comes to getting sex.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:44 AM
 
1,350 posts, read 2,467,365 times
Reputation: 1804
bars are one of the few places outside of a university campus that afford an actual concentration of young, attractive women. i'm not saying that every bar will deliver each and every night of course, but you get the idea.

however, given that competition is stiff, you can only find consistent success if you really have something goin for you - typically it's some combination of looks + charm. notice i didn't include money - in roughly 10 yrs of goin out regularly to bars, lounges, and clubs, i've noticed that physical attractiveness and charm are the traits that really matter in the nightlife arena. you could have the best tux and a $50k watch on your arm, if you suck balls in talking to women, you won't get anywhere.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:44 AM
 
Location: Westminster, CO
904 posts, read 1,165,447 times
Reputation: 1245
Quote:
Originally Posted by udolipixie View Post
Understandable as in my observations most guys have little qualms when it comes sex and tend to be quite understanding and rarely faulting of using manipulation, coercision, and force when it comes to getting sex.
You're observing the wrong guys then.
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