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I actually did go to a counselor for about a year after my marriage failed ( she was a herion addict that managed to hide it from me for a long time and cheated). But, that was when I changed things up. In fact the last few have been people that mutual friends and family set up... And no my family and mass majority of friends do not use drugs.
What did your family and friends say when you told them they'd set you up with drug addicts?
This is very frustrating! Pretty much everyone does it too. I am a nice, caring, and outgoing person with a very strong work ethic. However, I always end up with drug addict crazy party girl types. I don't do any drugs of any kind and have no time for people that do. But, EVERY girl I date ends up being addicted to something and wants to do nothing but party.
I've tried Internet dating sites, meetup groups, strike up conversations with people at stores, coffee shops and even co workers. I will take them out and if they don't admit to it on the first date it comes out soon there after.
I know so many people with the same problem. It may not be drug addicts but a certain type of person that they keep ending up with.
I would like to hear about similar situations and if anybody that was able to break the cycle
You need to take a cold, hard, objective look at WHY you are attracted to this kind of woman. Usually, (not always, but usually) the answers to these kind of questions involve childhood experiences.
I do not know any drug addicts personally, so I cannot say with any authority, what they are like. I assume that they are somewhat troubled souls. Therefore, I will assume, for the sake of argument that you are attracted to these women because you want to rescue them.
I will assume from this, then, that as a child you were in an environment where people you loved were similarly troubled souls. Whether it was domestic abuse, or alcohol or drugs, some woman close to you, that you loved (most likely mother, but it could also be father, sister, aunt, brother). You grew up thinking SUB-CONSCIOUSLY that if you were "older, bigger, stronger", etc. you could help them and make it "all better". Perhaps even, your childhood was damaged because of this and you felt that "if only" you could have helped nobody would have suffered.
Now, you are an adult and you are reliving those feelings of inadequacy by picking women that you can RESCUE. The problem is, of course, that you cannot change other people who do not wish to change.
My advice to you would be to avoid people that you have the urge to help when picking a potential partner. Instead choose women who are strong, successful, independent and who EXPRESS to you (without asking) how they do not use, never used, and never intend to use drugs or alcohol (except very rarely in social settings). Spend some time talking about their life and find out how emotionally healthy they are before initiating a relationship.
The partners we choose are the partners we think we deserve. If you don't think you deserve love or if you think you need to earn love from your partner by proving your worthiness, then you'll probably pick a druggy loser who has nothing to offer.
Well, I did 3 alcoholics in a row, finally went to Al-Anon, and was shocked to learn: When you finish with one alcoholic or drug addict, there's an 85% chance you'll get reinvolved with another one!
I'm sure that applies to others who get reinvolved wth similar types, over and over again!
I believe the key to the puzzle may lie in the field of projection! Buried deep inside me, maybe not even very deep at all, lurks an alcoholic!
This is very frustrating! Pretty much everyone does it too. I am a nice, caring, and outgoing person with a very strong work ethic. However, I always end up with drug addict crazy party girl types. I don't do any drugs of any kind and have no time for people that do. But, EVERY girl I date ends up being addicted to something and wants to do nothing but party.
I've tried Internet dating sites, meetup groups, strike up conversations with people at stores, coffee shops and even co workers. I will take them out and if they don't admit to it on the first date it comes out soon there after.
I know so many people with the same problem. It may not be drug addicts but a certain type of person that they keep ending up with.
I would like to hear about similar situations and if anybody that was able to break the cycle
Do you get a lot of girls, OP? Are you confident in yourself? Are you where you want to be in life?
These are important questions. When I was down on my luck a few years ago, I would always somehow end up dating batsh*t crazy girls (drug addicts, felons, etc) that seemed nice enough at first.
Then I changed my life drastically, got more confident, got more girls, and now I get very high quality girls without even trying.
The partners we choose are the partners we think we deserve. If you don't think you deserve love or if you think you need to earn love from your partner by proving your worthiness, then you'll probably pick a druggy loser who has nothing to offer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyBoy316
Do you get a lot of girls, OP? Are you confident in yourself? Are you where you want to be in life?
These are important questions. When I was down on my luck a few years ago, I would always somehow end up dating batsh*t crazy girls (drug addicts, felons, etc) that seemed nice enough at first.
Then I changed my life drastically, got more confident, got more girls, and now I get very high quality girls without even trying.
These are wise words. Although I have never had a specific "type"
I actually have looked back & realized how varied & different the men I have been with are.
Simply amazing, & cool.
I do believe that we attract what we feel. So if you're lacking confidence that's the kind you'll attract.
If you're negative & miserable that's who you'll attract.
Conversely, (hopefully) if you're a decent person you'll attract a good one......
For a long stretch in my single life, I dated really artsy-fartsy women who wore lots of black and loved to quote Sylvia Plath and Dorothy Parker. And every single woman was woven from the same essential cloth: Self-absorbed and neurotic as hell.
Finally, about the time I hit 26, I really got tired of it. I went cold turkey on my dating for about three months. One night, I sat down and wrote a list of all the women I had been involved with and what they all had in common. It was shocking. I was dating the same woman over and over and over again.
So I decided that I wouldn't date a woman like that again. What's more, I decided I would fling out all my predisposed notions of what I would find attractive in a woman and would go out with any woman with brains and a sense of fun. Within two months, I met my future wife. Haven't looked back.
I decided I would fling out all my predisposed notions of what I would find attractive in a woman and would go out with any woman with brains and a sense of fun. Within two months, I met my future wife. Haven't looked back.
Like I said, re-ordering priorities can be very useful, if things aren't working. Dynamite post! Congratulations!
btw, can you help out the dating-challenged by telling us how you went about finding those "brainy and fun" women?
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