How many men are really marriage-minded nowadays? (calling, alcoholic, responsible)
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They get COLA ( cost of living allowance ) and overseas pay. Despite the horror stories military men are better off than non military men for marrying since at the end of the day he has a stable income and benefits plus the modern military courts are more 'equal opportunity" and are treating women more like men.
This is what I thought as well, but according to my friend, he told me his marriage is considered a "domestic situation" and so they don't get involved with it. Military guys are killing themselves over divorce because they're loosing everything and facing sitting in a jail just like a criminal over unpaid child support. It's a serious issue.
I have my own theories as to how most divorced dads get that way in the first place.....are you a single mother? Just like with everything else they have the 'right' to not date single mothers but they should at least have the gull to admit why that is. Just like they claim women 'only go after badboys' I am just as convinced they choose women who have no qualities to suggest they'd make a great candidate to be someone's mother -- but they bypass those things in lieu of other qualities (mostly physical) that they do like.
If they choose to marry & impregnate a bimbo chances are she's still going to be a bimbo when the sh*t hits the fan......There is probably some man that chose a woman who appeared to be "child worthy" on the surface and he was completely snowed by her. But if they expect me to beleive that's the most common version of the story, not happening. If you do not want to date divorced dads, you don't have to, but 9 times out of 10 I hear the "single mothers are the worst thing on earth" way more then the reverse. Point me to the numerous "fear of dating single dads" threads and I will rescind.
I think part of it is this bizarre idea that men should be able to date anyone they want, but single moms only can date dads. I never understood this because as a single childless woman I am not even remotely open to dating men with kids at all and am always attacked for this. Almost every dad I've known was married to a woman they knew would be troubled, like one who married a gold digger, or men who married women who slept around on them. Sometimes it was just a marriage that fell apart, but most of the divorced dads I knew were supporting ex-wives who refused to work.
This is what I thought as well, but according to my friend, he told me his marriage is considered a "domestic situation" and so they don't get involved with it. Military guys are killing themselves over divorce because they're loosing everything and facing sitting in a jail just like a criminal over unpaid child support. It's a serious issue.
Holy cow someone who researches and im not being sarcastic. I was in the military too and its true they kill themselves over women or at least get treated like crap. All im saying its easier for them to come back from a divorce than a regular man since he has stable income. Military men have a 'shall not be defeated' attitude and when they lose it hurt.....really bad
I think part of it is this bizarre idea that men should be able to date anyone they want, but single moms only can date dads. I never understood this because as a single childless woman I am not even remotely open to dating men with kids at all and am always attacked for this. Almost every dad I've known was married to a woman they knew would be troubled, like one who married a gold digger, or men who married women who slept around on them. Sometimes it was just a marriage that fell apart, but most of the divorced dads I knew were supporting ex-wives who refused to work.
I've seen that on here too and agree that the idea seems to be single moms = single dads and nothing else is available for them and how dare they think that there is. Also, I don't think it's so much as their choice to not date single mothers -- it's the things they say about them but those things are never said about the single dads of the world....interesting that you have been put down for not being open to dating men with children, I have been verbally put down by men for not wanting children (because they make the idea of it sooo appealing)....If they are divorced from a woman that refused to work in the first place when they married her, obviously they're going to have nothing but problems out of her.
There is another thread going where men are talking about a woman's 'regain risk,' weight wise for an otherwise thin woman. This is an example of what they spend their time worrying about when choosing the mother of their children.
I've seen that on here too and agree that the idea seems to be single moms = single dads and nothing else is available for them and how dare they think that there is. Also, I don't think it's so much as their choice to not date single mothers it's the things they say about them but those things are never said about the single dads of the world....interesting that you have been put down for not being open to dating men with children, I have been verbally put down by men for not wanting children (because they make the idea of it sooo appealing)....If they are divorced from a woman that refused to work in the first place, obviously they're going to have nothing but problems out of her.
There is another thread going where men are talking about a woman's 'regain risk,' weight wise for an otherwise thin woman. This is an example of what they spend their time worrying about when choosing the mother of their children.
I didn't see that thread, but will have to because yep many men do judge on that. I get a lot of flack for not dating dads, and the few I dated had so much drama and financial issues. I know had I married one of them I would have been required to pay many of the bills while lazy ex-wife sits on her fat butt doing nothing and there is no way I am supporting an able bodied woman. Personally I think the best choice for a single dad is a single mom but so many avoid single moms and try for childless women.
I didn't see that thread, but will have to because yep many men do judge on that. I get a lot of flack for not dating dads, and the few I dated had so much drama and financial issues. I know had I married one of them I would have been required to pay many of the bills while lazy ex-wife sits on her fat butt doing nothing and there is no way I am supporting an able bodied woman. Personally I think the best choice for a single dad is a single mom but so many avoid single moms and try for childless women.
I notice too that women aren't allowed to say anything concerning a man's financial situation, she's not supposed to have any criteria at all for that element. You gave them a chance; if you were the single mother with 'nothing but drama & financial problems' most of the men wouldn't even entertain the thought of talking to you, so you shouldn't have to either I suppose. I don't want children and certainly didn't want to raise any, but I wasn't opposed to single fathers when I was 'attempting' to get dates. I cared more about if they had their sh*t together overall. But I don't beleive they should be relegated to only dating other single parents and vice versa.
I have had male friends in the past with children (not married to the women) and they have visitation orders they never bothered to enforce & hadn't in years. Far as I can tell the once a month visits with the child, suited them just fine. I have also known single childless men who agreed to date a single mother and/or be the live in bf -- but refused to help her do anything with the child, he only wanted a relationship with her. I don't know why they agree to it at all if that is the mentality they have about it.
you're right. somewhere it got into talking about single fathers/single mothers which belongs in that other thread instead of this one....this is supposed to be about single men and marriage. LOL. So....
IMO, most single men have a myriad of reasons why they shouldn't get married and commit to one woman. Many women buy into it and then don't expect anything from him in those departments.
I never really was too concerned about marriage. I look for potential candidates when dating that I would marry, but the feeling to actually go forth with it was never there until I met the right woman. Now, it is there.
If a woman tries to take control of a situation involving the children, I see men saying 'she uses them as pawns,' or something to that effect. Those aren't the same things. IMO, most women want an amicable situation with their children and the father but most of the time, they rarely get that. If you did with your wife okay then, but I don't think majority of men are cooperative in the situation. Instead they say the woman was doing XYZ to undermine him, etc. as a result of him not getting the full control he wants.
It is the norm rather than the exception in my observation for divorced partners to lose a necessary focus on the needs and welfare of the children and to focus on petty differences. I'll give you a practical example of one woman I know. Yes, her ex cheated on her. Yes, he was bipolar. Yes, he drank. Yes, he was afraid of responsibility. But, he loves his two boys, and they adore him. Recently his GF left him and his first impulse was to move closer to his boys so that he could spend more time with them. Rather than focus on this and encourage it, she chooses to focus on his lack of punctuality, the quality of food he feeds the boys, how late he lets them stay up, his housekeeping, etc., and makes snide remarks about what a loser he is on FB where she knows he and his family will see the snipes. You tell me how that's going to help matters or how it is in the best interests of the boys or even in her best interests. Yet this kind of thing is the normal endpoint in divorces. I'll bet you good money that in the end this guy pays for his sins ten times over and in the end his sons are forced to choose sides -- and guess what, no matter what side they choose, they lose, the Dad loses, and the Mom loses.
You might (or might not, for all I know) regard the motherly concerns I describe above as "taking charge of situations involving the children" but most men would regard it as judgmental carping. One person's taking charge is another person's feeling controlled. The cold reality is that if you want that level of control over how your children are raised you should have left after the sperm donation and raised it by yourself in the first place. Or, stayed married in the conventional 1950's sense where the Dad has highly compartmentalized child rearing responsibilities involving earning money and paying bills and doing stuff you're not interested in like teaching Johnny how to stick hooks through worms when fishing.
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