When do you tell someone you are seeing that you have a medical condition? (woman, older)

[roadsta]

It is always best to see where the relationship is going before you reveal very personal information about yourself. You may decide that this is not the person for you and therefore, it will become a non-issue. If this is the person for you, then there is very little that the person will not understand and deal with if they truly care about you. If they can't deal with it then it wasn't about you, it was about them and the more time you spend with the person the more you will learn about what kind of person they are.

[MotleyCrew]

It would not bother me at all. But, not at dinner, LOL.

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by MotleyCrew

It would not bother me at all. But, not at dinner, LOL.

That is hysterical...and I am the master of ostomy humor.

I'm still waiting to be mugged...who's needs a concealed weapon...NOT ME!!!!

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

Hey VA

Good Morning

Well, it's this way....I agree with what you might be saying, but I used to look at all my dates as a prospective friend, nothing more, nothing less...and when we'd talk on the phone, most times, men say, I'm very easy to talk to...why, I couldn't tell ya, but they do. And if I find someone whom I'd like to go out with...who isn't all into himself...I wouldn't consider it a waste of time...b/c I am a lot more selective in who I choose...and if that sounds conceeded....well, I look at it this way, I might not be what he is looking for in a friend, and/or visa versa...truthfully, we dont' all click...and I'm certainly not nearly as hungry as I used to be, years ago.

I started talking to so many men, that I could usually, not all the time, but usually tell, where this person was going and if I wanted to meet him after two phone conversations.

So, knowing me the way I am...and from all the questions, men ask...(and women to) during those first couple of phone calls, you pretty much know if you want to meet or not. And believe me...there were some fellas I'd tell straight out...."If your looking to meet each other, go out on a few dates, and see if we have something in common to take it any further, I'm all for it. We might decide we are not compidable, but what is wrong with making a good friend....you can't sleep with everyone right?

But...
If your looking for a one night stand, then please, hang up and move on. Because I'll know, right away....and it's easier for us, to get to the reality of all this in a polite manner, rather, then YOU going home with your voice higher then a 747. Right?

Well, you can't imagine....believe me....some laughed their butts off, some kinda wondered but bit, and some, hung up...therefore VA....I believe in honesty....being who I am, right from the get go, let em know my needs...and I surely wanted to know his....

after talking for approximately an hour or two on the phone, I'd say, well, if we're going out on a date, to see if we have something in common, with no expectations other then perhaps to form a platonic friendship...which we might want to explore further down the road as a relationship....here's the who of who I am....most men who are seriously looking for a mate, will be straight forward and welcome honesty....not to mention...someone who isn't hungry...or a loosy goosy, if you know what I mean? LOL

See VA, as you grow older, you do not fear what people think of you, and frankly I could give a good you know what.
You like me, you don't like me, that is your perogative...
I was doing fine before I met you, and I'll be doing fine if we don't continue our relationship...I think your a great person, but we just don't like the same cup of tea...therefore, nothing lost, and everything gained from the meeting.

But do I care if your going to say good night and the next morning walk up to your buds and say, wow, this gal hasn't got a chance in hades to see me again...I don't care...and I'll know during the date, just like you will, if we are getting on or not...and if we're not, it's ok to....yanno? I observe, and listen...a lot....

But the point is, when your older, honestly, you really don't care, or at least I don't. If I make a friend, all the better my life will be complimented, and if I don't, then we pretty much are quit different and have nothing in common, and it's not rejection, it's just the way we are.

I know what I want out of life, and so do you...and if we're not compatible, we won't be able to survive, let alone enjoy life together.

As I've said many times before, I met a wonderful man on the internet...his name is Jamie...we met 7 years ago, and I can't speak for him, but I love that man, like my own brother...dearly...he's one of a kind...(which reminds me...I haven't heard from him since last Friday....that's to long) anyway...we are so much a like, in so many ways, but there are conflicts in our beliefs....he is stubborn, and so am I...and will we ever get to the point of a romantic intimacy...no...but we have both been honest with each other right up front, and there isn't anything he doesn't know about me.

But from the very beginning, we both agreed, that we were not looking for a romantic intimacy, but we do have a magnificant mental intimacy that is quit rewarding and complimenting. I do love him.

I have a girlfriend just like him...she loves me for who I am, faults and all, and so does Jamie...and that is the kind of person, I'm looking for in a mate...will I find him...perhaps not ever....but I don't want anyone, if I can't find him...I won't settle...therefore, if I have a medical ailment, I want to know, if he is mature enough to not allow his mind to run away with him, and take me out on that first date...not to explore a lifetime together, but just to be friends....and go from there....but that's just me....not everyone is like that...thank God

I don't know...does that make sense?

Geez, I don't want to give you an oversimplified response to such a well thought out post, but..... I was under the impression that the OP was in this as a potential romance. If not, then I see what you're saying. If it is so that we're just hunting for friendship here and maybe later on down the pike develop something else, then I think the reasoning for the answer is a bit different, though the base answer remains the same IMO.

What I mean is that on a "friend level" that this information is completely irrelevant IMO so not only should it not come out on the first meeting, but it shouldn't necessarily come out at all unless it does in casual conversation at a time where the OP is comfortable with the individual.... A friend shouldn't need a "warning" about a medical condition IMO. It's something to share as you get closer if you're seeking support or the likes I'd think.....

It's really a tough question with regard to romance IMO... Yes I'm younger, but I used to wear a cap whenever I went out because my hair started thinning way early (when I was 18 or 19). The theory being in the realm of woman-hunting that I didn't want to turn someone off before they got a chance to know me. After a time they see me without a hat and, well, okay too late... My charm had already won them over...

(BTW, please forgive me for comparing thinning hair to a true mediical condition. I realize it's not the same, but the situations are identical)

My wife even admitted to me that she very well may have not been physically attracted to me had she known at the time we first met (which means we never would have met since she actually approached me). She wouldn't change a thing NOW, but can you imagine something so trivial changing one's life???.

So I guess with that background I'm saying with respect to potential romance, let the person get a chance to know YOU first, and then present your condition when you feel it right to do so.....

[nebulous1]

I am more forgiving about those things, because I work in medicine and I see a lot of things. There is a huge gap between life and death, and if someone really loves you, they love you for who are you, and accept that life has you at this point physically.

[Magnum Mike]

When do you tell someone you are seeing that you have a medical condition?

That's a very good question. I am an insulin dependant diabetic and I do tell her right away, even before the first date.

In the past, when I was in my 20's and 30's, I tended to wait until I was sure there was something serious between us, and unfortunately, that worked against me in most instances, because they saw insulin syringes and they freaked out. They didn't know about diabetes, even though I explained to them that I need insulin injections to stay healthy.

That's also part of the reason why I've never been married yet, some women just don't want to deal with somebody with a condition, which is just that, and not a disease.

Also, depending on what the medical condition is, it's always a good idea for the other person to know about it before the first date, because with diabetes for instance, if you have a low blood glucose condition, which does also happen with people who have hypoglycemia, then they would know about the condition so they can also take the appropriate action.

[GreenMachine]

Originally Posted by MainStreet

Since it's colostomy day.....I've thought of this topic.

When you are dating someone and things are getting pleasantly serious, when do you tell them you have, say, a colostomy?

Men? If you found out a woman you were seeing and liked very much, wore a colostomy bag....how would you react?

It was never a problem before...husband was ok with it, couple boyfriends ok with it....but I'm getting older....

I'm thinking I should tell them up front.

"While we are on the topic of how delicious this dinner is...I need to tell you that I have a bag."

Main,

Are you asking "When do I tell him I have Herpes?"

Well, the answer is, when you feel intimate and safe and probably before you sleep with him.

Hope that helps,

Greenie

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Main,

Are you asking "When do I tell him I have Herpes?"

Well, the answer is, when you feel intimate and safe and probably before you sleep with him.

Hope that helps,

Greenie

No she does not have herpes, I suggest you start from the very beginning and read the very first thread. And then apologize.

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

No she does not have herpes, I suggest you start from the very beginning and read the very first thread. And then apologize.

Well, it's in the quote he quoted.... Must be a joke.... I think...

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Main,

Are you asking "When do I tell him I have Herpes?"

Well, the answer is, when you feel intimate and safe and probably before you sleep with him.

Hope that helps,

Greenie

Thanks everyone for sticking up for me....and your kind PMs.

Greenie....CO......LOS.....TOE.....ME.....colostom y. <<<<I can't get that "y" to spoon the rest of the word for the life of me.

The nice name for my bag is.......A.....PLY.....ANCE....appliance.